Bisexuality Support Group

I have moments from time to time when I completely question my sexual identity. I have always been attracted to men and women. But sometimes, I feel like being attracted to women too, means I should just be w/ women. Does that seem right?

I think there's still a certain level of shame in my attraction to women. I've been w/ women in the past and my family, friends and husband all know and love me as I am. But as a child, I will always remember the feeling of shame when my mom found me in the tub, kissing my sister. We were so young, maybe 5. But I will always remember how she looked at me like I had done something so wrong.

I really think that this shame drives me to feel like I should leave my husband and have nothing but uncommitted relationships, mostly sexual, with many people who will never be hurt by my sexual identity.

The women I am sexually attracted to are few and far b/w. The women I would consider a sexual and emotional relationship w/ are even fewer and farther b/w. W/ men, it's often the same way. Truth is, the only person I can see myself growing old w/ and having sex and loving long term, is my husband. So, wtf is wrong w/ me? Why am I so consumed w/ fear of spending the rest of my life committed to one person?

There's nothing wrong with you. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being bi. Anxiety over your future, especially over a relationship's future, is pretty normal. Just keep on trying to not dwell on negative thoughts like this. It takes a little work, but it's worth it

Thank you so much. I think one of the things I always find makes me feel better is to be told I am normal. It feels like a deep breath of relief. Thank you for that. I had a little crying break down and told my husband all this stuff and he's very supportive and it helps me so much to get it all off my chest. But the thing I guess I'm trying to focus on too is taking things one day at a time. That's hard too, soooooo hard. But when I get to a point when I can do that (sometimes few and far b/w), I do feel better. Thank you again.

Post edited by: CLove, at: 07/13/2012 07:26 AM

being bi and married is very hard, i know because im married , but i finally open up about and told my husband, im glad we have a open realitionship. but it was hard, just take baby steps and go slow, if you need too talk im here for u!

jessika, I did not know you were married. Sweety, I am so sorry you live in a wilderness with lost questions. Maybe we can find some answers together.

lol im very happy and married to a wonderful man who i love!

I could never see myself get married to anyone. Although I love Jami so much, but I just can't ever see myself EVER getting married. Maybe it's because of my lifestyle growing up ? Who knows lol.

We had a weak point in our relationship in July, and I turned out to be the weak one and I cheated on her with a really hot Algerian French girl.. Worst mistake in my life. But in the end Jami and I worked everything out, and we're happily together again

Now it's just my parents I have to deal with. They absolutely HATE the fact that I'm bisexual. haha. So I just be even more open about it just to piss them off lol...

But anyways, Nicole, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, completely normal like the rest of most people in the world haha.. If that makes sense ? Just keep talking to your husband about it, it's hard to think about your fture, and scary to think about a very long-term commitment. Just keep your head up girl

Much love <3

Ryelee

Being Bi and Married to a member of one gender or the other doesn't really seem much different to me than being straight and married to one or the other. Married does not equal dead! I have straight friends who would never break the rules of the relationship they are in, but certainly watch if something attractive walks by! Just because we are a little more open minded about what we deem attractive doesn't change that! Wondering what it might be like to be with someone else is totally normal! What would my life have been like if I have married a ..

Millionaire

lawyer

Movie star

Angelina Jolie....

Oh Wait- even straight women think SHE is hot, never mind!

but at any rate, I would think my partner would be more threatened by the fact that I find other people with the same plumbing I already have access too, to be more threatening. After all- what if I find a better model? Same thing but newer paint job? My attraction to a gender he also finds attractive I should think would be understandable!

Mind you, I'm blessed with being with one of the most secure individuals on the planet, so it's easy for me to philosophize as I don't have to deal with jealousy. (lack of jealousy is part of our contract in fact)

Hrothgar, I completely agree. I guess sometimes, shame,fear,anxiety,etc. can get the best of me. But I totally know what you mean. I think sometimes, I feel guilty no matter who I am attracted to-another man or another woman. I think it's in part b/c I grew up thinking when you fell in love, you'd ONLY have desire for that one person and all other attraction would melt away. And if that didn't happen, either something was wrong w/ the relationship or something was wrong w/ me. I mean, as a kid who read Snow White and Cinderella, I never heard of Snow White kissing prince Charming while masturbating to dwarf porn or Cinderella finally landing her prince but still getting off on fantasies about the wicked stepsisters too. I think it's really hard to deconstruct the perceptions we have as children when we realize how different adulthood really is. It's either really complex or really simple for some. I think it can really be just a matter of perception. For me, I have a lot to work through sometimes in order to feel comfortable w/ myself. But I wonder, if I were brought up differently - to have different ideas about sex and sexuality, or if I didn't have a predisposition to anxiety, or if I hadn't had certain upsetting sexual experiences in the past, maybe I would feel more free and comfortable about myself. For now, I'm working on it. It's taking a lot of reading, talking, support from loved ones and from you all for me to become more comfortable in my skin. Some day I hope to be there totally and completely.