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04/05/2012 07:23 AM

Cat Humor - Do you like it?

TexasYankee
TexasYankee  
Posts: 4290
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Okay, I am a cat person and find them absolutely fricken hilarious.

If you are a cat person, or just enjoy their silliness, PLEASE post. Doesn't matter what it is. Just add to the giggles.

Laughter really is the best medicine. We all need laughter. It is one of our base needs, imo.

****If you have trouble posting pics or anything. Let me know and I will help. Smile

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04/05/2012 07:32 AM
TexasYankee
TexasYankee  
Posts: 4290
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CAT HAIKU

Negotiating

No-man's land: carpet alive,

Flea season again

I need a new toy.

tail of black dog keeps good time.

pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today

Touch my tail, I shred your hand

New rule tomorrow

In deep sleep hear sound

cat vomit hairball somewhere

will find in morning

Cat, fearless hunter

leaves 'presents' for me near door

next time I'll wear shoes

Grace personified,

I leap into the window.

I meant to do that.

Night. Now come night-mice.

I chase them 'round on loud feet.

You can't see them too?

Blur of motion, then --

silence, me, a paper bag.

What is so funny?

You never feed me.

Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.

That will sure show you.

The mighty hunter

Returns with gifts of plump birds --

Your foot just squashed one

You must scratch me there!

Yes, above my tail! Behold,

elevator butt.

You're always typing.

Well, let's see you ignore me

sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.

You cannot see me if I

can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.

I fought for hours. Come and see!

What's a 'term paper'?

Kitty likes plastic

Confuses for litter box

Don't leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores

Kill pine cones and mosquitoes

Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?

Don't even think about it!

My yelps will wake dead.

I want to be close

To you. Can I fit my head

inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.

Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!

Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One

has been trapped by newspaper!

Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.

Mine lies still in bed, then screams!

My claws aren't that sharp ...

Cats meow out of angst

"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!

We could break so much!"

Litter box not here

You must have moved it again

I'll crap in the sink.

The Big Ones snore now

Every room is dark and cold

Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals

I purr to show I love you

Want to smell my butt?

**LMAO!**

Post edited by: TexasYankee, at: 04/05/2012 07:35 AM


10/09/2012 06:38 PM
cetacean
cetacean  
Posts: 202
Member

I think its cute Smile

10/09/2012 06:50 PM
jayna01
jayna01  
Posts: 5901
VIP Member

I think it is great you wanted us to laugh and giggle. Thank youTongue

10/14/2012 08:53 AM
TexasYankee
TexasYankee  
Posts: 4290
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

CAT BATHING AS A MARTIAL ART

( by Bud Herron )

Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk--dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.

I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary - the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.

Kitty Smiling Bar Left

The time comes, however, when a person must face reality; when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."

When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under you arm and head for the bathtub:

Know that although the cat has the advantages of quickness and utter disregard for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask and a long-sleeve flak jacket.

Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.

Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product-testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)

Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to your survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Cats have no handles.

Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more that two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record is--for cats--three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

Do *NOT* try to use a blow dryer. You might as well use a vacuum cleaner.

smiling kitty bar

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psycho-ceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But, at least now he smells a lot better.

"To bathe a cat requires brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction - and a cat. The last ingredient is the hardest to come by." Stephen Baker


10/15/2012 06:39 AM
TexasYankee
TexasYankee  
Posts: 4290
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

― Robert A. Heinlein


10/20/2012 09:17 PM
Timebomb
Timebomb  
Posts: 14
Member

The great thing about a cat or cats as pets, is that it always seem like they picked you, not the other way around. I think the diabolical kitties do this to make sure they stay in control, lol.

I'm not slamming dogs, I've got two of those as well, but cats are the bestest.

I don't have the link right now, but You Tube has the greatest vid of one of those hairless cats getting bathed, and swimming in the bath. It made be laugh my *ss off!

I have a theory that maybe that breed is much more tolerant and our American variety.

I wish You Tube would not post bathing cat clips unless the animal is clearly happy and not afraid in the water. Some of them just look like abuse to the animal.

If you visit the site, check out a clip named "scout is hungry". It's old, but the cat is one extremely vocal dude. It's very funny.


11/30/2012 05:05 AM
maliboobz
maliboobz  
Posts: 218
Member

i find them hilarious too.. i could watch them for hours!!

definatly the funniest animal on earth Tongue


11/30/2012 08:14 AM
hunkydorie
hunkydorie  
Posts: 2059
Group Leader

Chew Chew Train under the Christmas tree....at first it was what the cat attacked. Poor train more off track than on. Now the Christmas Tree that's another story. Andrea our cat has decided to nest in our tree. What a cat! I hope she doesn't end up knocking the tree down! Ever hear or see a cat come to bed when you go to bed. She lays down inbetween my legs. It's like she knows when I go to bed. Is that a normal for cats to do? She's such a silly cat but has her naughty moments too. She's often very much a kid!
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