Bipolars Only Online Support Group

Ok so I am Bipolar 1, black outs, severe depression and have anxiety bad....my fiance has depression and combat ptsd...The 2 of us together sometimes clash bad but I love him unconditionally but when he has his moments I feel that with him knowing what my triggers are use them to his advantage, I don't know what to do? I'm not saying that I am a saint cuz I will also use things against him. I used to cut bad stopped and now since my black out episodes started i'm doing it again, I don't remember doing cutting after it is over only to see my arm full of blood. This last one was by far the scariest!! One day after a fight I guess I had picked up some glass and cut my arm then I picked up a knife thank god it was dull I pushed so hard that my arm is still black and blue till this day. I don't know how to stop it cuz I don't even know when I do it. My fiance now makes me leave the door open to any room I'm in no matter what I'm doing to insure I'm OK. I'm so afraid that one of these days I'm going to hurt myself bad, I've got kids who are my LIFE they have never seen this side of me, how?, I have no idea....but for that I am grateful. Please someone help I hate looking at my arms...hate even thinking about the what ifs, sometimes I think I need to be admitted, which just might be my next step I've never felt so crazy in my life.

It really sounds like you should consider admitting yourself into the hospital. I've been there and they can help. Do you have a psychiatrist? Do you have a therapist? You should really look into that too. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Sometimes it is hard to have a partner that has mental illnesses when you have them too.

When I first got diagnosed I was seeing a therapist but then she kept rescheduling and never keeping our apt. And its so hard to get into mental health here....its frustrating!!! I've really thought admitting myself the last time but didn't I got scared half way to the hospital and turned around....if u don't mind me asking what do they do?? Do u go to a mental institution?? I really have a hard time with change and don't know how to handle it. Thank u for ur response.

Thanks for the rundown, Buff. I found it to give a little insight into something that could be very scary if you don't know what to expect.

Thank you so much buff that really sheds light on my issue, I honestly thought they would lock me up for like a month or longer and the only thing I could think of was how I wouldn't be able to see my babies.....although they aren't quite babies no more that was one of my biggest fears. Do u know by chance where the hospitals are?? I have not ever heard of a looney bin in my area. So I'm wondering where or how far one is from my location? Well on a better note I seem to be doing OK right now but the next time I have a episode I really think going to a looney bin is my best bet....before I end up really hurting myself or dead. Thank you all for your input it really means alot to me with out mdjunction I don't know what I'd do' this site really is awesome I feel free here, if that makes any sence.

~what don't kill you makes u stronger~

Thank you again you truely are the best....I looked on that site put in 50 miles with my are code and came up with nothing....ugh great that's what I get for living in B.F.E lol....now what....I'm so lost

I agree with Enigma. Getting admitted into a hospital sounds like what you might consider doing. It sounds like things r pretty intense. Trying to get hooked up with another therapist since your other therapist is cancelling your appts sounds like a first step along with admitting yourself into the hospital.