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ZadieBlue Posts: 3769
VIP Member
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Having MDJ tech problems. I quit Day Treatment following my 18-day stay in the hospital. Biggest problem is that suicide seems like such a logical act, and I'm too tired and hopeless to take the necessary steps to set treatment goals and improve my life. So I'm headed back to the hospital -- tootles, TTYL, and thanks to those who consciously skipped over my post when I wrote about this earlier on a fellow Bipolar forum. Kinda outta site outta mind, no? I'm sick of answering posts and not getting my own needs met. Depression, confusion, hospitalization -- boring subjects I guess, what more can someone say? It's a monumental f-ing breakdown. Yay me. Z "I'm going to quit -- dried turkey." - Anonymous
"I forgot my mantra." - Annie Hall
"Knocked me on the head and sent me spinning
It was a blast I can't remember the last time
Stand between two poles and hold your arms up
I'll kick me over your head and stock down . . . " - Throwing Muses
Female, age 37
Bipolar I (mild)
• Episodes / cycling happen most often during Spring and Fall allergy season; some dissociation possible during episodes.
• GAD dx 12/11, PTSD traits, ED (in recovery)
• Boarding school survivor :)
PSYCH:
Adderall 15 mg x 2 • Prozac 40 mg • Ativan 1.5 mg • Geodon 120 mg • Starting Lithium again
(Levothyroxine 50 mcg • Atenolol 12.5 mg x 2 • Clonidine 0.1 mg x 3).
ALLERGY / ASTHMA -- (Winter / Spring cocktail): Levocetirizine • Alvesco HFA 160 mcg • Ketotifen Fumarate PRN • Flovent • ProAir PRN
Mercy Buckets to everyone!!!
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ZadieBlue Posts: 3769
VIP Member
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PS: I feel dead. How can I be sure that I'm not? No one is responding to my posts, like they never happened. I feel like it has already happened and that I am in mourning for something that cannot be fixed, it's done. "I'm going to quit -- dried turkey." - Anonymous
"I forgot my mantra." - Annie Hall
"Knocked me on the head and sent me spinning
It was a blast I can't remember the last time
Stand between two poles and hold your arms up
I'll kick me over your head and stock down . . . " - Throwing Muses
Female, age 37
Bipolar I (mild)
• Episodes / cycling happen most often during Spring and Fall allergy season; some dissociation possible during episodes.
• GAD dx 12/11, PTSD traits, ED (in recovery)
• Boarding school survivor :)
PSYCH:
Adderall 15 mg x 2 • Prozac 40 mg • Ativan 1.5 mg • Geodon 120 mg • Starting Lithium again
(Levothyroxine 50 mcg • Atenolol 12.5 mg x 2 • Clonidine 0.1 mg x 3).
ALLERGY / ASTHMA -- (Winter / Spring cocktail): Levocetirizine • Alvesco HFA 160 mcg • Ketotifen Fumarate PRN • Flovent • ProAir PRN
Mercy Buckets to everyone!!! |
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sumanic Posts: 2252
Senior Member
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Hey Zadie, I am sorry that no one has responded to your posts. Why did you quit day treatment? Suicide is not the answer, but I do understand how you are feeling. I had suicidal thoughts for the past three months and finally my meds are working. You are a precious person and you are heard. Don't let that damn depression beat you. If you need to talk feel free to send a PM. Bipolar 1, Mixed Episodes, Rapid cycling, PSTD,ADHD Recovering Marijuana-Addict Alcoholic.
Seroquel 600 mg
Lamotrigine 400 mg
Bupropion 450 mg
seroquel 25 mg as needed for anxiety.
Seroquel xr 200 mg as needed for mania
Hydroxyzine hcl 1-2 tabs as needed for anxiety
The truth is that everyone is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for...... Bob Marley |
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Hornedhalo
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Hi Zadieblue, I am new here and wanted to introduce myself. I am Angel and I want you to know how very much that MDJ saved me.. Please do not let that deppression take you. I know it is soooo hard not to let it. I was in a very bad downward spiral for three years till I almost succumbed and decided it is not worth the fight. But, It is worth the fight. You are a good person who has so much to give... Please try to go back to your treatment. We are here for you!!!  you can pm me also anytime!! |
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TexasYankee Posts: 4286
VIP Member
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I am sorry that you are struggling so hard, Zadie. At least you recognize that you need to go back to the hospital. That is a huge thing. Hopefully, they can give you what you need to get better. As for reading your posts, hon, you posted this pretty late last night. Not sure how many people are on that late. You aren't alone though, just needed to wait for some of us sleepy heads to wake up, is all. I really hope they can help you again. I can relate to how you feel and how so very discouraging life can be sometimes. BIG HUG! Blessings, strength and courage to all.
Angela
~"Faith makes things possible.....not easy!"
~ "How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively. " You have to want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."- Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers
~Have faith. Without faith there is no hope. Without hope there is nothing.
Although I may be knowledgeable, I am not a doctor, therapist or any other professional in this area. My experiences and opinion are just that. Hopefully others can relate though. :) |
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Catbaloo  Posts: 4715
Group Leader
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This sleepyhead is just now seeing this post, too. Sorry, Zadie. You aren't alone - some of us just aren't on the boards at night. Going back to the hospital sounds like a great idea. I hope you feel much better soon. My opinions are just opinions, and should be taken as such. I am not an expert on medicines or BP disorder. |
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jaguarandcubs Posts: 1819
Senior Member
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I'm sorry Zadie. I haven't been on much lately, so I've missed a bit.  I care! I really do! I knew you were having a really tough time of it, and I have been thinking of you. I'm not just saying that, either. I'll always do what I can to help people I care about, so please reach out to me if you need to talk. I'm on the other sideof the world, which makes it a bit tricky time wise, but I will always make the effort. *hugs* You aren't alone, sweetie. Promise. Carley Disclaimer : I am not a doctor. I cannot diagnose or advise on specific treatments. I can only share my own experiences.
Come visit my blog at http://carlsandclan.wordpress.com/
My name is Carley, but feel free to call me Carls! :)
Current meds
1250 mg Lithium
75 mcg Thyroxine
200 mg Lamictal
Occasionally 10-20 mg Temazepam for sleep
Paracetamol + codeine for arthritis pain
Previous meds
2000 mg Epilim (sodium valproate)
50 mg Seroquel (to help sleep)
600 mg Tegretol |
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"There's a special place in my heart for MDJ's Bipolars dealing with Alcoholism support group. As an alcoholic in recovery, it is my safe harbor. I draw strength and hope from our Bipolar alcoholics and addicts who bravely share their experiences and courageously face our common demons. This is a special, close and safe group to explore any alcohol or drug issues. I have made many dear friends and been sustained by the love and acceptance so freely offered." (sarahtroy)
