Bipolars Only Online Support Group

Today i havent taken my depakote er. Im looking to reclaim myself. Feeling lately like ive lost myself in this journey to become "stable" so far its still morning and im ok as of now. Im actually feeling pretty good right now. Enjoying the sounds of the rain drops on the side of the house. Smelling the rain through my open window. Its such a fresh smell. I know i was told not to stop my mood stabilizer without concent from my doc, but i havent seen him in months, and i had an appt with my therapist yesterday that she cancelled on me. Dont get to see her till next week. My hopes is this experiment works out and i can experience my range of feelings and emotions again. I got so tired of feeling either numb or not having any idea how i was really feeling. Just either mostly manic or mixed. I miss hypomanic, thats what im searching for and trying to reclaim with this experiment. My question is... I have the depakote er in my pocket. If this little thing doesnt work out and i start going to a bad place, by then would it be too late to just take it to fix myself? Kind of like a safety net. Has anyone tried this?

Wound up eventually taking the meds out of fear of what i would be like without them. Im feeling very trapped... I really wish i could have seen my therapist this week. I cant tell anyone at home whats reallly going on in my head. I always get "dont say things like that!" Or "please say you dont really ever think like that" ugh...

I was on depakote years ago and stopped taking it becaue my mood was so flat. I did not replace it with anything but was on some other meds that I can not remember. I do remember feeling much better without the depokote and refuse to take it. I am now on lamictal300mg and I can deal with that.

okI got this it is like a test fail or.DAM what else ok pass

.I hate depacote

never ever will I take it again.the other drug never ever take haldol again oh the other one geodon.Well by now some on this site may aready know

I still am trying to continue to continue and just plz give me more of what works not what you think will/.I guess that is why I have such a problem .I want to take things into my own hands and you know what I just did and my pdoc actually is listening.After all this disease I have is still and med's to and therapy are still disputed.

I have tried in the past to go off my meds. I even tried to go off of just one and sooner or later it caught up to me. I'd love to reclaim myself, but it just doesn't work without the meds. I guess I have to accept the fact that I am as much myself as I can be with taking the meds. I feel so dependent on drugs. It drives me crazy when I think about it, but what can one do but to just take the meds. I'm ranting!

Hey Spooky, I totally know where your coming from. I stopped Lithium by myself for the same reason - feeling completely zombified and depressed. I got a million horror stories about how coming off Lithium makes you go nuts... but I'm fine, still sort of anxious and depressed, but whats new really lol. at least I don't feel like my head is full of cotton wool. I am yet to find a drug that doesn't make me feel like complete crap. I know this going to sound wrong, but I seriously think its your mind, you know, and ultimately you have to decide for yourself whether you cope better with or without a certain med. Can you maybe ring your pdoc though, just to let them know how your feeling and what your doing with your meds. Its good to have someone aware of where your at. I agree with the family not wanting to listen to how you feel. I get either denial or total freak out response if I try and voice some of my thoughts and feelings. Whereas a psych doesn't bat an eyelid, which is actually really relieving. You don't feel like a complete freak for having this dark twisted emotions/thoughts in your head.

This is going against everyone here, but I say, if the med makes you feel that bad, you have a right to stop it. BUT I think you should keep in touch with a doctor too, to be safe. Also probably should ring the doc BEFORE going off the med, rather than afterwards when you have an unpleasant reaction or something.

Hope your okay and keep feeling good!

Well, i have good news....Like out of nowhere, today (continued taking my depakote) i had a taste of hypomania, my god! Such a relief to feel that uncontrolled, unrelenting, way past happy euphoria... It was only about a few minutes here and there. But omfg! I remember! I remember what that feels like again. It was this perfection of the world in my heart. The rest of the day was manic. I wanted to do dangerouse/risky things. Driving (speeding almost the whole way)on my way home, stopped at the stop sign, lit up the tires and got up to about 30mph before slowing down and parking in front of my house. Wound up swinging my katanas about when i got inside. I loves my katanas... (i named them, dont tell anyone, k?) But yea, this hyper aggressive super pumped feeling. I want to go out for black friday just so i could listen to awesome music and hang out with my friend tonight. He never got back to me.sux but whatevs, its all good. Ill jus be probly playing some modern warfare 3. Anyway, basically what im saying is today was a nice reminder i can still have an awesome day here and there even on my meds. I just forget because of the sucky days. I will have to remember this day next time im thinking of stopping my meds. I still think i have a long way to go before i have the right meds but at least i can believe my pdoc got some of it right. Havent seen him in like months tho.. its weird right? Thank you to everyone here who cares and posts, this is the only place i can really speak my mind honestly. And its the replies that remind me that remind me that im not ever really alone. Thank you all for being here and helping me through my decisions whatever they may be.

How are you feeling today? Did getting out help? Does COD help? (my hubby plays it all the time. He is trying to teach me how to play. I suck though. LOL!)

I have done this twice, on purpose. Both times were bad. The first time I was pissed. I didn't understand why I had to take meds when everyone still thought I was crazy. By day 2 I shook so bad so I started taking them again. My pdoc scolded me.

Second time, I was angry again. My brother prompted this one though. He doesn't believe their is anything wrong with me so I shouldn't need to take the meds. I stopped taking them, just to see, and slunk into a depression in no time. It sucked and just made me madder at him.

Also, my pdoc told me that the more you start and stop and restart a med, the less effective it is. I was told that if I needed a med change to see my pdoc so that she can help figure out how to make it better. Just be careful, please.