What if I don't like the person I am when things are clear ?
>You are comparing yourself to someone who is not clear, so it seems like a harsh judgment. Give yourself a chance. Alcoholics have to learn to live sober. Bipolar people have to get out of the ghetto of irrationality and come to terms with the real world. Fear of doing so holds many of them in sickness.
What if it feels like everyone is running my life but me ?
> Perhaps because you're paranoid, or perhaps because they are. Why not start running your own life, remaining fully conscious that a symptom of your illness is a lack of trust in those closest to you.
Why does it feel like the older I get, the younger I get treated ?
The most likely answer would be that your illness is worsening with age, but I don't know you, so I cannot say for sure. All the more reason to get fixed.
That I am living a life that is not my own, and if I continue I will be a old woman full of regrets ?
Do you mean bipolar, or treated? Because if you mean treated then you need attention to your treatment methods because they are falling short.
Why do I feel like I am playing out everyone else's solutions, instead of facing the truth ?
> You don't state what the truth is, so this is impossible to answer.
Why is it that mania allows me to live in a bubble, that makes it ok to follow everyone's else's advice ?
>Settling for treatment that falls short of mania control will do this. Why not advocate for a treatment regimen that controls your mania so that your relationships with others don't have so much tension?
I like your question, and wish you only the best, but your post is laced with many of the symptoms of bipolar that get too little discussion. Self-pity, self-responsibility, aggressive self-advocacy in treatment, mixed feelings about wellness... I call it the bipolar quagmire and I am quite pleased to have extracted myself. Now and then, I throw a rope and someone else starts climbing, but most people are stuck and are afraid to admit it. They say a lot of things that overlap with what you've written. They share your confusion on fundamental issues. That can be OK--I was confused for a long time myself. But most people who get better do it through hard work and they don't hang out here. They go about enjoying their lives. I, for some reason, feel compelled to help a few souls before I tire of it and move on.
The sick person has great difficulty seeing how the well man got well. But the well man can see very accurately why the sick person is still sick.
"The part of my recovery plan that I would say made up 80% is MDJ. I suffered a lot prior to finding MDJ, felt alone and had no one to talk to who really understood me. In the Bipolar Group I found like minded individuals who I could relate to and who offered support to me when I needed it. As I recovered, I could then offer support to them which gave me a good feeling about myself. I have met some great people here who I would class as good friends and know I would still be in the slump I was in without them. Now I am stable, I know that MDJ plays an important part in keeping me that way. Thank you MDJ for being there for us all and making us no longer feel alone." (liamacker)
