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06/09/2011 02:05 AM

selfish

ladybug7777
ladybug7777  
Posts: 148
Member

ok 2day i was selfish and wanted a day for me, not any1 else but me but did i get that ...NO! but what i did get was attitude. and annoyance. thats ok. im still learning to deal with annoyance appropriately! I wanna cuss and scream and shout but dont know if this is the right place to do so. @day was a rough day. dont know if crying is worth it, but i wanna cry a scream and pout! I've had worse days of course. Im broken you see. can you see straight into my soul from my eyes? do u see the secrets i cant tell, do u see the hurt i cant expell? is it punishment enough for me? im spiraling out of control? can any1 hear me? does any1 care? should i just commit myself? Or commit suicide!?.... thank you i am jst feeling really honest right now so i thought i would express myself and see if any1 else ever felt the same confusion
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06/09/2011 02:53 AM
artghekko

LadyBug, I'd be happy to discuss ALL those alternatives (i've tried most of them...LOL)

06/09/2011 06:07 AM
jaguarandcubs
jaguarandcubs  
Posts: 2703
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I'm pretty sure most of us have been through the range of emotions you are feeling, and contemplated those options. You aren't alone. Know that we are here for you, we will support you and help you get through. The more you let it out, the better it will feel.

Carley


06/09/2011 03:40 PM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6902
Group Leader

I hear you and I've been there. Just hang in there and know that it will pass. Moods always do. Even the blackest, most horrible ones pass if you can just hang on.

06/10/2011 08:23 PM
Kelti
Kelti  
Posts: 4424
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I'm an Advocate

ladybug, I hear you too and have been thru that same chapter that has it's way of coming up at the most awful times. cry all you need to, it is a way to let off some steam boiling inside. we are all broken down by this illness. it is a miracle that I can string together one sentence. If you were standing before us all, I'd say we could all communicate with each other just by looking into every one's eyes. We all feel out of control a lot, just the illness I guess. We hear you loud and clear, we care about your pain.

06/12/2011 07:23 AM
TexasYankee
TexasYankee  
Posts: 4290
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Oh, hon, I had no idea that you were struggling as bad as you are. I get exactly like you do. I have to have quiet time, for myself, every day or I get VERY irritable. I get overloaded so easily and I am surrounded by triggers (3 teen girls and an unsupportive husband). I tend to get up really early so that I can have a few hours while the rest of the house is still sleeping. That might explain better the 4am wake ups that I get. (been going back to bed though for a few hours) I am grateful that my girls are the age that they are. I can easily find my own time and they can fend if I am having too hard of a day. I hate feeling so angry and I don't really have an appropriate outlet but everyone is right. Try the hot bath. A long walk alone. Hide in a closet with a book. Put a sign on your door "Too much bitching. Need a time out!". I have even "grounded" myself to my room before. I get a bit out of control with my mouth too. It really IS so hard to not react when everyone around you is being a butt. Trust me, I relate!

You are not selfish at all, btw. You are just trying to keep your sanity. I am proud of you that you know your limits. There is nothing wrong with withdrawing from a stressful situation. Like was said, you are human too. Not just your symptoms.

Since getting my meds sorted out, I find that my emotions feel more true. At least when I am pissed, I know what I am pissed about. For the longest time, it was just confused, misdirected rage.

Hang in there, honey, and YES! Take time for yourself. We all need it.

HUGS!


06/12/2011 10:52 AM
mem2427

I so get it! I need quiet time for just me too and being a mom to two kiddos doesn't let me do this anywhere near often enough! When I don't get it I go through all of the emotions you have expressed and get called a crabby B***h on top of it. Talk about feeling like no one cares! Just wanted you to know you aren't alone and we are here for you vent away!
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