Bipolars Only Online Support Group

I joned MDJ because I felt I needed to know more about my disorder, about bipolar and I needed people who understood me.

But right now I dont feel I belong anywhere. I am not an angry person. Im not usually negative, but suddently after reading all the stories here at MDJ and watching the documentary "Stephen Fry - The Secret Life Of The Manic Depressive", I'm starting to.

20% live at home with their parents.

30% kill themself

20% are in a mental hospital

20% will succeed and function well

and I don't remember the last 10%.

How is that great odds? I'm just wondering? Now I'm going to start on Lacmital. A medication used on goats. If I start it, I'll never quit it, because it will make me worse. And if I start it, I will be boring. I will be stabile. I love my ups! Why should I get medication for that? I just don't know anymore. Before I did. I did know who I wanted to be. Now I don't know if that's even possible.

I've never heard of Lamictal being used on goats. It's a great drug though and I hope you benefit from it. It's really helped me and so many others on this board. You don't know if this is a confirmed percentage. It's all about medications and therapy. Once you find the right medications, you will become stable. The tough part is finding the right medications. It can take some time. I'm sorry you are thinking negatively, but you can have a normal, healthy life. Never give up hope. There is always hope. When you are stable, yes you can become boring. It's a hell 0f a lot better than being up and down all the time though, I can tell you that, I'm just about stable again. Anything is possible. I hope you do start your medications and get on the road to stability.

I avoided help for a lot of the reasons you mention here. It felt pointless, and besides I LOVED feeling manic, that temporary boost that makes you feel like you could bear Atlas' burden and still have the strength to run a marathon.

Since starting meds, I'm essentially the same person. The difference is I don't get random psychotic symptoms or panic attacks, and I don't suddenly become an intolerable jerk that my friends don't want to deal with.

I avoided treatment and a proper diagnosis because I didn't want to give up my mania. Problem was for me that I got worse off and my depressions got very dark and my manias rolled over into psychotic episodes. I find stability my only option now even if that makes me boring. I do not live with my parents, I got through college, I have been married for 14 yrs and I have four kids. It isn't easy, it is a fight but it is worth it to have a descent life. I hope with meds you are able to find some stability and if you ever need to talk you can PM me.

Post edited by: lovespeonies, at: 03/16/2011 12:59 PM

lillianirene,

I've never seen statistics like that! Everyone knows numbers and statistics can be manipulated! And I've never heard of goats being given Lamictal! If so, I'm sure they're not paying the price I'm paying for it!!

Lillianirene, I know you, and you are much, much brighter than this! Just because a person starts a medication does not mean they will be on it forever. No medication can make a person "worse." I have been on Lamictal since 2005 and I regard it as one of my "miracle meds."

lillianirene, you are young and have not yet begun to explore the possibility of who you can become with the natural highs, joys, and ecstasy in life built upon the foundation of a solid mood base! You sell yourself short! There is so much to look forward to; you need only stop mourning and open your eyes and look ahead.

I agree with Sarah. I still have a full range of emotions it is just that I am more in control of them than they are of me now....If that makes sense. I still do swing a little just not anywhere near the extreame I did once and they don't consume me as much as they once did. Yeah I am a lifer on meds, but the payoffs are so worth that!

Thank you so much for the respond to this. I just really had an off day, but now I'm back in the saddle. Haha! Well, it's time to call the doc to start the medication isnt it? And just accept that I am who I am, and not the letters the doc put down on the paper..

you aren't your diagnosis. That's been my mantra for awhile.

Glad to hear you are feeling better. We all have rough days like that once and awhile... I like that mantra Soren. I am a person who happens to have bipolar I am not bipolar.