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11/28/2010 10:18 AM

Feeling down

jenny1978
jenny1978  
Posts: 2599
VIP Member

I haven't been able to get online in a few days and it really messed with me. This is the majority of my support system and I depend on getting on here and sharing my feelings. I have been doing fine until yesterday afternoon. I'm stressed over money and then to top it off, my partner and I decided to go get a small loan($981.00) to split and finish our Christmas shopping and to pay some bills. Now we will be paying a $110.00 a month for 12 months to pay this off. We are going to split the monthly bill, so that will not be so bad. Last night I decided to drink a glass and a half of wine. I haven't drank alcohol in about 5 years! I just decided I wanted some. I didn't go over board or anything though. That was last night after I went shopping. When I shopped, I got most of my shopping done for Christmas, but I ended up spending $165 on myself for clothes that I needed for work. I have to wear Khaki's to work on Monday's-Thursday's and I needed another pair. Plus I bought a pair of jeans and 3 shirts. All of which I can wear to work. I get to wear jeans on Fridays. Anyway, last night I couldn't go to sleep. My mind was racing about EVERYTHING!!! I had to take another xanax to get my head to slow down so I could sleep. I've been having some other things going on too. It has to do with my relationship. I haven't done anything bad or anything like that. We have just been in a "rut" for the past year and a half or two years. We love each other very much, but there is no passion, romance and not much affection at all. She is a good bit older than me and may be getting close to menopause, plus she still doesn't know if she might have breast cancer. She has no sex drive at all. I do have a sex drive sometimes( a lot more lately), but I know that she has not interest at all. I'm not going to cheat on her though. I'm going to be by her side and try to figure out what is wrong with her medically. Also, she feels uncomfortable with herself because she had gained weight since we've gotten together. Hell, a year and a half ago I weighed 100 pounds more than I do right now, so I don't mind that she has gained weight. I lost 100 pounds and she says that I'm boney now. She has lost a little and I think that would make her feel better. She mentioned running on a treadmill at her job for 30 minutes a day, so that she could lose weight. She mentioned that last night. So all in all, I think that she just feels uncomfortable with herself. I just want our passion and romance back. Do yall think that this means that we aren't meant to be together? I mean, being in a rut for this long is kind of concerning me. I just can't imagine breaking things off with her. We've been together for over three and a half years. We've been through a lot together and she has stood by my side through a lot of things. I just want us to feel happy when we're together and I want the passion and romance back... Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated. Thanks to everyone that reads this. Thanks for the support!
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11/28/2010 11:29 AM
notreally
notreally  
Posts: 437
Member

relationships are a lot of work. I think low spots are going to happen. It seems you both want to work on it. The fact it means something to both of you sounds hopeful to me

11/28/2010 11:37 AM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16594
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I'm an Advocate

That's a tough question to answer there. I'm sorry that you have been down and you haven't been able to get online. I have a hard time if I can't get online to this site. It's like I have to and it's way more than once a day. LOL. It's hard to think about paying back a loan, but it sounds like you really needed it. You got some things you needed for work too, so that is good. As for your partner, have you talked to her about how you are feeling? About the passion and the affection that you feel is missing? The communication needs to be opened up so each of you knows what the other is feeling. You need to know how she is feeling about the relationship too. I understand that she feels uncomfortable. That is remedied by losing weight. I know it's not easy, but she is going to try by using the treadmill at work. What used to work for you? Maybe you could try that again. Maybe try something new, something you have never done before. I don't think that you aren't meant to be together just because you have lost some of what you have had. You just need to work at rebuilding what you once had. Any relationship can get dull after awhile, at least you notice it and want to change it. My biggest suggestion is to talk to her about this and come up with some ways to bring it back for you. Ask her if she is feeling the same way. If it gets worse, then it could be a problem I think. Communication is the key. I hope you can feel better. Talk to us, we will listen, help you, give our suggestions. You know we will. I'm not an expert on relationships, hell mine isn't great, but I'm trying. LOL. I hope you feel better. If you want to talk, I'm a message away.

11/28/2010 11:55 AM
Lisacomisa
LisacomisaPosts: 903
Senior Member

When I am worried about my weight I have no sex drive. I really think this is it. I think since you lost 100 pounds might even make it worse. She may feel like you are wondering what is wrong with her because you could do it. I know this would be the case for me. I think you should use it to your advantage and be supportive of her and come from experience about losing weight. I know it sounds trivial but it really affects a person a lot.

11/28/2010 12:15 PM
brneyegirl

You do get in a rut being together after awhile. We have no passionn here I know.. I am also trying to figure out how to get that back. I don't think it has anything to do with you two not being meant to be. relationships just go through their ups and downs. Try talking to her about it. Making sure to stress how you just want to feel closer to her again. Hang in there.I can tell you love her very much and that will get you through most of the bad times.

11/28/2010 03:07 PM
RickEJ
RickEJ  
Posts: 7379
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

you might be in a rut though I wouldn't read too much into it. You just took out a loan together, that tells me there is still a lot of love there. Have you tried talking to her about your concerns? It might be a good ice breaker if she knows how your feeling, and you know how she's feeling.

I wight you the best

peace & light

Rick


11/29/2010 06:09 AM
jenny1978
jenny1978  
Posts: 2599
VIP Member

Thanks for all the support! I have talked to her about my feelings and she feels the same way. She goes back to her dr in about 2 weeks so she is going to talk to him about not having a sex drive. She has a lot of stress on her right now. Her two live 2 and 3 hours away from us, she might have breast cancer, and a lot of other stuff. I'm doing my best to support her. I want this to work and I'm going to do everything in my power to work this out. I know that she is going through a lot and I'm going to do my best to help her through it. Thanks again! By the way, I feel somewhat better today!

11/29/2010 08:42 AM
brneyegirl

So glad you feel better. I think communication is so important. Keep talking and loving one another. Smile

11/29/2010 09:49 AM
jenny1978
jenny1978  
Posts: 2599
VIP Member

Thanks! Yes communication is the key and I'm going to keep talking to her and work through this!
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