Bipolars Only Online Support Group

Does anyone ever feel like their mania and depression are fighting each other? Like an all out tug o war or some cataclysmic battle in which the other is fighting to come out?

I am having that happen right now. I can't sleep, my mind is racing but I am having thoughts that are making me depressed and I have no motivation to do anything.

I hate this!

I hate it too. I have no idea what to do with myself.

Good morning Katie,

Yes I know exactly what you’re talking about it's referred to as mixed episodes and you may also be experiencing rapid cycling. First and foremost have you spoke to your pdoc about what you are experiencing? He may need to adjust your meds? Next it just takes a lot of patience and hard work to slow things down, not always successful but many times it can be done.

You know most people float through life on ‘auto’ pilot. But we are never on auto pilot; we have to be present and very aware at all times. Being on auto pilot is not that great anyway especially when you don’t know you are on auto pilot. See most people know when an airplane takes off from LaGuardia headed for LAX in LA and starts across country they put the plane on auto pilot, a predetermined destination is programmed in, but what most don’t know is that the plane isn’t just flying in a straight line, it is always correcting or adjusting the course. That is due to outside forces like headwinds and other obstacles. That’s how life works, we have to constantly make adjustments because of our illness and because we live in society which is constantly throwing obstacles at us. If you go on auto pilot and not consciously be aware of everything, chances are you will not hit your destination.

It can be very hard dealing with mixed episodes, I know but I’ve learned to do things or maybe just lay down. Meditating helps as well. The key is keep looking for solutions that will help you manage and live a happy life. Be present, live in the NOW and try to stay solution oriented at all times.

A

Post edited by: Alwaysdifferent, at: 05/02/2010 08:33 AM

That's why I come here more often when I feel that way, hoping to find something to distract my mind, keep me occupied. It works ...most of the time.

So, what helps you in the day to day? I have no idea what to do with myself while this is happening.

I wish there was an easy answer, but like everything else in life it takes patience, perseverance, persistence, discipline and taking control. Live in the NOW be present, too often we live with the regrets of yesterday and the wishes and dreams of tomorrow that we forget we can only live today. If you get to a point where you recognize that you are having an episode, then you can change your state. You are having an episode and you know it so you must change something. But it is hard as hell. I say this to so many people because this is so true, “we do more to avoid pain than we do to gain pleasure” and that is an absolute. For me I am a real hard head so it not only took pain, it took a lot of pain. I was to the point where it was too painful living out of control and as a victim. I was suicidal out of desperation and because one of the challenges with BP is suicidal thoughts. But deep down I did not want to cross over, I felt I had much to do. I was in pain and felt like a victim.

But that’s really not who I am inside, I have an illness that effects me so I need and needed to continually find new ways to deal with things, new ways overcome the downsides of this illness. I did not do it by myself and never will, we all need help from others. It is because of a few people who believe in me that help and helped me when I wanted help. You cannot get through this life alone. That is what is so wonderful about this group family, we have a place to come and learn how to take a negative like BP and turn it into something most will be jealous of! I want so much out of life for me and everyone I have the fortune of walking with on their journey or them walking with me on mine. I had to lose everything and I mean everything several times until I had enough pain. Our society today wants to label everyone and make us victims, but as Dr. Dyer says, “When you label me you negate me”. There is a reason I have had things I felt I must accomplish and become the person I want to become since my earliest memories. Often as the years past I would wonder why I had those passions and dreams in my heart and soul, then when I was diagnosed with BP. Once I finally owned my BP challenge I started the hard slow process and of learning new behaviors. And still do every day. You are special and unique and you have a purpose. Find you, love you and you will find happiness…

A

Just wish it was as easy or came with some instructions...

I just feel so lost in this mess of confusion.

If anyone finds that manual can you send it my way?????

I know exactly how you feel. I have a list in my ever moving head of things that I want to do then all I can do is keep the couch or my bed from flying into the ceiling. Thank god I have my little dog there to help me though it all. He is such a rock. A rock that needs to go outside more than I would like him to but needless to say he helps me tremendously after losing my other dog 2 months ago now.