MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
04/25/2010 09:44 PM

Making relationships work

pinnacle4
 
Posts: 108
Member

Excited to have found this site on a night when I'm feeling the downhill cycle beginning. Not a good idea to stay up and throw myself off even further, but when do we ever do what's right?

Do others of you have trouble developing relationships -friendships or romantic? I'm 50 years old and have 1 friend. My job puts me in contact w/numerous people daily and I can develop work relationships, but nothing on a personal level. I just can't seem to get close to anyone. Does anyone else struggle with this? I'm so envious when I read "married for . . . " because I don't see how you can be bipolar and in a relationship.

Reply

04/26/2010 01:16 AM
FatherKarras
FatherKarras  
Posts: 3261
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I've got two friends, and a long-distance g/f. It is extremely difficult to make friends for a lot of us, because most "normal" people just can't or won't understand the nature of our beast.

It's very difficult on us, in that when we go into a depressive state we tend to block everyone out, and when we're manic, we do unhealthy stuff. My g/f is also bipolar, and I think that has actually made our bond that much stronger.

Overall, though, it's just really hard to form a lasting friendship/love life until you find that special breed of person that either understands or attempts to.


04/26/2010 04:38 AM
jaguarandcubs
jaguarandcubs  
Posts: 2688
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

It IS difficult. I have 2 true friends, who have been in my life for more than 20 years. I am married, and have been for almost 11 years, but it has NOT been easy. It's been an incredibly rocky road, with a lot of fights, separations etc. I am one of the lucky ones, because my husband has always been incredibly patient with me. I was only diagnosed recently. My friendships have been the same.

I never wanted to get married. Life was free, easy and fun as a single girl. But I met a person who made me want to take a chance. I think that is what it's about - we have to allow ourselves to take that chance with someone. Yes, it is really hard. Yes, it is terrifying. At least you know why you feel the way you do on any given day - I didn't have that, and it made things so much more difficult. Be open with people about your BP. If they don't want to know you because of it, they aren't worth knowing. The best time to meet and get to know new people is when you are more stable. Like Patrick said, depression and mania is tough.

I met my husband online. Through a game. We knew each other for a few years that way, then moved to phone calls. He is from Mississippi, I'm Aussie. I didn't meet him face to face until 2 months before our wedding. Our first daughter was born 9 months after he arrived in Australia. LOL In a way, our children held us together during rough times.

I hope you can find a special person to share your life. It can happen. You just have to open yourself to it, and the universe will help it along.


04/26/2010 07:08 AM
mouseam
mouseam  
Posts: 201
Member

I have the same problem. Over the years, I have lost every friend I have had had. I have 3 that are "hang out buddies" that I've known forever. I have two other true friends, but they are long distance, so it's strictly over the internet. Other than that, all my romantic relationships never lasted more than 2 months, because I was "too much." I am currently in a relationship now, but now I am dx'd, my first relationship since I have been dx'd. She is aware of everything and understands fully as she is BP herself. I am hoping that would make this relationship "flow" a bit better.

04/26/2010 11:11 AM
YorkieLove
YorkieLove  
Posts: 7033
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I always knew I was different, so didn't pursue friendships. I have been in many relationship of which mostly just ended one day.

I'm can see now how bipolar played a part in those decisions, although I never regret ending relationships, only starting them.

It is possible to have successful relationships when you have bipolar. Many people here have been married a long time.

Relationships are hard for most people. Have you gone to therapy and talked about this issue? You might find it very helpful.


04/26/2010 08:06 PM
pinnacle4
 
Posts: 108
Member

Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions. I have seen therapists for years, and as a social worker myself, I always give them my external "happy" self and more often then not, either become their support or pay money and let them tell me what a great person I am. Do all therapists think that everyone who comes to see them is needing someone to tell them how wonderful they are? I just want to feel like I can communicate on the same wave length as another human being for once!

04/26/2010 08:42 PM
pinnacle4
 
Posts: 108
Member

Maybe I need social skills 101. I haven't been able to really connect with anyone as a friend since I was in 9th grade and the symptoms began. Forget the keeping them around. I just can't put myself out there if I'm not in an official professional position. It's like I don't think others can handle the "real me".

04/27/2010 03:49 AM
FatherKarras
FatherKarras  
Posts: 3261
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I think that is probably the case with most of us, Em. In fact I was called on it yesterday, and the person was right. Even as good of friends as I've made on here, I still hold back a bit of myself. I feel like I've cultivated some pretty good friendships on here, but still find myself holding back, except in my diary on here.

I guess I just think it's the nature of our beast. Did any of that make sense??? Dizzy


04/27/2010 04:19 AM
jaguarandcubs
jaguarandcubs  
Posts: 2688
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I never let anyone see the 'whole' me. It's taken my 2 friends many years, and still some things surprise them.

As for hubby, I think he is still learning things about me.

That said, I show more of myself to people I feel I can take a chance on. A bit of a leap of faith, really.


04/27/2010 06:44 AM
SCarlson

Good actress here I paste the smile on and pretend I am okay when I have so many things going on in my head... My true friends and hubby get peeks at the real me but thatis when I just can't take anymore and I break!
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved