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06/25/2013 09:41 AM

I'm new and sinking fast, please help me

chickapea123
chickapea123Posts: 26
New Member

I have just been diagnsed BP 2, GAD, and ADD. Think we can add OCD to the mix as well as one of my previous therapists said he thought so. I've been in and out of therapy since my teen years, I'm now 37 and didn't ever understand why I was always so sensitive, so "less than" everyone else. I just feel that way and can't seem to shake it. Lots of trauma in my adult life as well as having a rather cold relationship with my mom, an alcoholic dad who was abusive to her (but so loving to us kids). He was the person I trusted most and the only person who loved me unconditionally even though I pushed him away out of shame for my failure of a life. He passed away 5 years ago, I miss him every single day.

A couple of unhealthy marriages, three teenage children who have issues bc of what they've been through and antidepressants that threw me into a manic episode that I'm crashing from. A failing marriage to a man I love with all I have who was coincidentally just dx bipolar 1. He's rapid cycling and prone to mixed episodes, plus I'm feeling so abandoned by him now, one day he wants a future with me and the next he's on the fence.

I'm seeing a pdoc and a tdoc weekly with the therapy part. On 75 mg lamictal, 400 mg gabapentin (down from 1000mg), and 1 mg klonapin as needed. Just for background. Also was on 150-300 mg welbutrin but brought on mania so doc took me off it cold turkey. I'm not cpping with my life right now, so depressed. I'm not currently suicidal but there have been times. React badly to every antidepressant I've been on. B and I are separated right now and he says his feelings are so numb, its confusing and hurts like hell. I wish I could stop feeling!!!

I know this os convoluted and more than just about my bipolar, i can't seem to find any help on relationships where both are bipolar, and I'm also drowning in my own.

I don't know how to cope with all of this, lemons in My life and I am tired of trying to make lemonade out of them Sad

Any insight would be so great, just hanging on at the moment. Thanks so much, I don't know where else to turn.

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06/25/2013 11:17 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

Hi chickapea. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Just dealing with your own illnesses is stressful. I can't imagine the added stress of having to deal with your husband's illness as well.

Is your husband on medication?


06/25/2013 01:13 PM
chickapea123
chickapea123Posts: 26
New Member

@ Catballoo, he's medicated current doses and meds

200 mg lamictal

5-10 mg abilify

? Xanax that he takes too much of.

He goes between fighting his dx and acceptance. A lot has changed but hes on monitored sobriety and takes the xanax for that mostly.

He's been taking meds for a couple of months, starting to have lucid moments?

I'm still titrating up on lamictal and don't really feel any benefit yet. I'm so depressed at the moment, cant decide if its situational or bp but either way its so hard. I'm having trouble even getting thru my work day. Can't wait to see tdoc tomorrow as I had to miss last week.


06/25/2013 01:50 PM
hunkydorie
hunkydorie  
Posts: 2057
Group Leader

You have a lot going on right now. I'm glad that you are in therapy because it is so important. You have a lot of stressors going on in your life. Just wanted to let you know that this group is very supportive and we are hear to listen so post as much as you need to. It must be very difficult to find that your husband has bipolar too. I hope that things will start to get better and calm down for you.

07/07/2013 02:50 PM
chickapea123
chickapea123Posts: 26
New Member

Haven't been here in a while, just an update as I'm sure I'll be doing much whining in the days to come...please encourage me on my road to stability. H is out of the picture, my choice this time Smile . I am not up to my full dose of lamictal, just at 100mg as of yesterday and klonapin as needed for sleep and anxiety. It feels like such a long road, I sincerely hope this is the right med for me, hard to tell since its taking so bloody long to get up to dose! Pdoc seems to like the idea of just lamictal for management, not over using klonapin so she's good with that. No more gabapentin/neurontin as of now. Feel better with H out of the picture(I think??). I feel discombobulated when I have to miss therapy (holiday) so I guess thats a good thing! She really gets me and we are working on CBT now which I'm trying lile hell to apply instead of sitting here wallowing as in days gone by. Sigh, I'm going to keep climbing out of this hole I'm in. I want to send you all a sincere thank-you for the support here, it has been my lifeline. I hope someday I'm able to give back, working on it. Smile
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