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bfly Posts: 4069
VIP Member
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I already mentioned in a different post about my answer to “how I find serenity”… I said, “I don’t know serenity unless I’m high/drunk… Altered.” My therapist helped me understand how skewed and inaccurate my thinking is. He said that just because I know the absence of pain/agony does equate to serenity- medically or otherwise. That was a pretty potent awareness today… I’m numbing… when I am high- I don’t feel the pain (internal or external)… that’s a sense peace that I may “manufacture” on my own… it feels peaceful because I DON’T feel. I just found that really meaningful- I believe in the romantic notion of the high… I know… I really need this recovery in AA, I need my medications correct, I need to deal with all the dark crap inside me eating me alive… I have a lot of work to do- but I really feel willing now. That’s a really good start I hear… I really don’t want to die and I know that’s what’s coming if I keep messing up with pills and alcohol… I’m ready. Thanks for listening! Peaceful recovery to all! Picture is My "Serenity Spot" back in Bandera, TX... was usually high- but it brings me serenity to see and remember that place I'd crawl under barbed wire to get to- solitude was wonderful there...  Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Kahlil Gibran
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Leo F. Buscaglia
"Always fall in with what you're asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with."
Robert Frost
"God doesn't give us more than we can handle, I just think He overestimates my strength!" lol- me
Bipolar I, PTSD, Bulimia, Anxiety, Fibromyalgia
Lithium 1500 mg; Lamictal 400mg; Busparone 60 mg; Armour Thyroid 30; Visteril as needed
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