Bipolars dealing with Alcoholism Group

I haven't posted for awhile now.

Today is day 3 & with events that have happened in this past week, I am ready to quit (I am serious & can't continue down my destructive path.) I have been making plans since Monday in ways to stay sober. I have 2 people that believe in me (most importantly my daughter & the other 1 friend - which I only have that 1 friend left now in my life)...the rest of my family doesn't believe in me & am sure I'll fail. Their negative words has lowered my self esteem & I know is one of the reasons I kept failing when I've tried to stop. It's difficult enough dealing with my bipolar diagnosis, but I need to constantly remind myself that alcohol has NEVER done anything good in my life. I need to be honest with myself & stop letting addiction control my life & not give in to my depression side of my bipolar. I realize & have been told if I continue drinking I will no longer have my daughter or my 1 friend in my life. I'm finally waking up to that fact that I WILL be ALONE (which I hate more than ever) in I continue down that path. I will keep checking back for any support would be greatly appreciated.

From this day forward I need to try & surround myself with positive people & people that believe in me, so I can believe I can make this change & have a positive future!

Xina, you've come to the right conclusion and that's a huge step in the right direction when you say that alcohol has never done anything good for your bipolar. And you recognize the consequences to continuing to drink, the pain that would follow another round of drunkenness. I drank daily for 10 years self medicating and it just made my bipolar worse. The fact that you understand your position is very good. Now it's just a matter of maintaining. Do you go to AA? You would receive a lot of support there. AA saved my life and taught me a whole new way of living that gave me a positive way of thinking. I encourage you to go. You know that we will do all we can to support you, so keep posting. We are here for you.

Xina,

I am so glad to see you back! You have been on my mind and I have been so worried about you! But you are wrong about only having 2 people who believe in you, for I also believe in you! And I believe that others in this support group that have come to know you also believe in you!

You are right when you see that continuing down a path of alcoholic drinking will lead to being alone, as most alcoholics die tragic deaths all alone. Therein lies the paradox: we drink alone to die alone; we recover together to live together! My experience is that alcoholism cannot be conquered by willpower or by the individual, no matter how strong or special he or she may be. For alcoholism is a disease -- cunning, baffling, and powerful. It is the gorilla dancing with you, the tiger following you, the vulture on the your headboard.... In all it's shapes and forms this disease never sleeps and always wins.

But my experience has shown me that I was able to achieve sobriety and have been able to that maintain sobriety for 4 yrs now by following a program of recovery in AA. My success in the program required me throwing out everything I thought I knew about AA -- all my prejudices and preconceived notions. Xina, should you chose to throw out your past negative experiences with AA and give it another chance, I'm sure you can succeed in AA, too. There you will find the support of many others who will believe in you.

Xina, you can do this We all have faith in you! I think everyone relapses in the beginning, at least that is what I've told myself Today is day 3 for me too Maybe together we can do this!

My favorite Motivational quote is an old Japanese proverb:

"Fall Seven Times, Stand up Eight..."

Have faith in yourself hun PM me if you need anything

~Sandi

Xina, and Perseverence,

I am barely 60 plus days sober and it is hard work but I have the help of my rehab and the meetings I go to to help me with the feelings. I strongly suggest finding some outside help to you to help you get over the rough parts in the beginning.When sober our "feelings" take over and sometimes it is difficult to deal with. I find myself craving food and alcohol when my feelings are negative or overwhelming and I "need" to find a way to cope through these times without using. Thank God I have people today in my life that are willing to help the only requirement is to "just ask". I am here for you and no judgements are passed cause I have been there and done it. PM me anytime Much Love, Carol

Xina, I cannot think of any thing to add to abouve posts they are so good. Glad to hear from you and have had you on my mind too. Please stay with us and try to post something every day. It took me 2 yrs IN AA to get sober. Not every body just walks thru the doors of AA and never take a drink again. It wasn't that easy for me. I finally got sober in 1991. We care and always look for a post from you. You are missed when we don't hear from you. Lots of love, K.

Thanks for all your responses & care! It is day 5 & I'm trying to stay strong. I need to start believing in myself again that I can do this & not give in to the weekend. I am trying to look at things differently than I have been & using some herbs & amino acid supplements w/multi vitamin. (that I have used in the past-which kept me sober 7 months last years)that help with withdrawl & cravings. I've had a difficult last 11 months, a lot of change in my life, I need to pick up & move forward & stay strong

Glad to see you post again, Xina, and to hear you are on your 5th day of sobriety. My concern is that you sound like you are still planning to attempt to stay sober on your own your own power. Have you considered the support and encouragement you got in the posts to reach out to a program of some sort where you can get outside support? While I believe in you, I know from my own experience it so much easier with people around who can provide concrete support.

Post edited by: sarahtroy, at: 04/15/2011 10:53 AM

I know there are no free support groups in my area & I don't drive. I did find a counseling place within walking distance that has psychotherapists that deal with addictions. I know it seems expensive & I lost my insurance my my divorce. My PLAN is I will make myself go & spend the money, that I don't have...that I'm trying to save to move) if I fail again (even after this last wake-up call)! I would love support from the outside. I only have here, my daughter & my friend & I don't see them often. I have succeeded on my own in the past & know how...I didn't expect my divorce last year & things with my daughter would go badly, which made me go back to my old ways. The closest AA in my area is 20 miles away & I have no transportation. I am in a small town with no public transportation & everyone around here acts like they are so perfect...like they have no problems. I do feel very alone in this, but am trying to reach out. My spiritual beliefs conflict with the things I've read in the 12 steps. Not with the 12 steps themselves, but how it is worded, I can't do that if I don't believe in it. I looked online yesterday to see if there are any places for people with addictions ior in recovery with similar spiritual views & found a couple, but don't know how much support they can provide. I would like to know if there is anyone that has had experience with using the drug Campral or Vivitrol with help maintaining their sobriety. Since I am not a big believer of western medicine, I am using eastern herbs to help myself. I read some of the side effects of the above mentioned medicine & saw some of the side effects can be euphoria & mania, which I don;t need to trigger my bipolar side right now while living alone. If I feel it's necessary, I will make an appt. with my family doctor to get a medication like that, but right now I have no job or insurance & am on such a tight budget, I can't afford another doctor bill (because I have so many already that I'm paying off). Right now the only support I'm getting for staying sober is myself, my daughter, my 1 friend & this group. Thanks again to everyone who replied & cares. I taking this one day at a time, if I fail again I have a PLAN for myself & I am reminding myself everyday, if I drink again & my daughter finds out somehow...I may never see her again...same goes with my friend. Right now my parents don't want to see me because of my drinking & bipolar.

Post edited by: Xina, at: 04/15/2011 11:15 AM

wow, no AA near you. all it takes for an AA meeting is to start one up yourself. you can contact your state's inter group office for the details, find a meeting place, like a church, library or even your home. Inter group will help you do that. I got one started up in a church that meets one night a week. It has grown a lot and I don't even go to it any more. I live in a big city with big club houses of AA but any one can start up a new group. Just food for thought. I can even help you do that if you are interested.