Bipolars dealing with Alcoholism Group

Well I have wireless but my computer is old - my hubby re builds them - I don't have a sound card and haven't checked to see if one is even still available yet. We will work on that.

Sarah, just remember doing 8 & 9 on your terms - not your sponsor's is the only way to do this. You know when you will be ready and then and only then; just do it; don't drag your feet and put it off. Most of those guys on your 'grudge list' don't even give a shit anyway and just may tell you that it is no big deal to them and to just let it go. The feeling of something like this is quite lifting and makes the harder amends a lot comfortable for you.

Hi all! I am a recovering alcoholic with about 10 years sober now. Before you congratulate me on my hard work and success I must share with you how that came about.

I had been to AA in the 1990s. Whenever I went to a meeting it triggered cravings in me so I quit going. I continued drinking until late 2000 when something happened that changed my life.

I went out with a girlfriend of mine, an old "party buddy". In fact we used to be the unofficial social directors for a computer club we were in, and were really, really bad alcoholics. More than once we drove the other home, or, being too drunk to drive that far, just took the other to our house to sleep it off. On the night in question, I had not had a drink in several months. She and I went out and I thought I could drink like I used to - shot after shot after shot. Needless to say I got really drunk. We went to Denny's like we always did to get something to eat afterwards. We ordered our food and were sitting there when I felt sick. I told her I was gonna puke and she tried to get me up to go to the ladies room but it was too late. I puked all over the booth, the table, the carpet. I heard a woman say "can we get a different table?" and I knew it was because of me. I was so drunk I couldn't keep my head up and I crossed my arms and rested my head on the puke-covered table which of course soaked my hair, the front of my shirt.

A few minutes later I had to go "pee". I told her, and she got me up and we headed to the bathroom. On the way, however, I peed my pants and slurred "Oops never mind". How she got me out of there I don't know. She took me to her house.

The next morning I awoke to find I had been cleaned up and my clothes were in the dryer. She reminded me of what had happened the night before. I was so humiliated, believe it or not I have not had a drink since.

I know that messes with the whole 12-step theory but that is what worked for me. I wouldn't recommend it. But it did cause an epiphany and as I said I have never drank since then.

OMG, well, I guess that is a good example on what it can be like when we over indulge.

I hope you don't find the need to put yourself thru that again. As you know stoppong the drink and then taking it up again is a good way to end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I hope you learned your lesson! If you go to AA and tell them that the meetings are triggering you and your cravings I am sure they will help get you over that hump.

It's a lot easier, when you think about it, than what the drinking episode put you tru.

Don't mean to hurt your feelings here; just concerned about your next move. Keep me informed and if you need to PM me that's OK.

Hey Kelti, no hurt feelings here! I admit it is a very unconventional way to have stopped drinking. I say "recovering" because even though I have not been in AA for a long time, I have had extensive counseling dealing with not only other issues but my alcoholism. I don't want to be a "dry drunk".

No need to be concerned about my next move. I know this is going to sound weird but I really have never had a desire for a drink since then. If I do I will go to a meeting and share what you said about the cravings. It's kind of like having a plan in place if I feel suicidal; same thing. I do have a plan, which would be to go to AA or call a hotline or my counselor.

I quit smoking crack through another traumatic event. I will keep this brief but it was EXTREMELY traumatic. My boyfriend who I lived with at the time was going "downtown" to score some crack because our guy didn't have any. This meant he was going to find someone on a street corner. He found them, but instead of getting crack they robbed him at gunpoint, put the gun to his right temple and pulled the trigger. Only by the grace of God it did not fire. BUT - the guys beat him severely with the gun and their fists, and it was 9 hours before he came home covered in blood and collapsed in the doorway to our bedroom. He started saying things like "I'm coming Mama" (she's dead) and then sent into grand mal seizures. I of course called 911, they took him to the hospital, the cops wouldn't let me leave the apartment until they had the whole story, and then I spent the next week at his side in the ICU. He almost died. Again, not sure why, but this traumatized me so much I never did crack again, and when he recovered and wanted to do it I kicked him out. That was over 5 years ago.

I dunno - it seems like I have to go to the absolute bottom with things but then I get the strength to just quit. I know it flies in the face of everything 12-step is about, but I am sincerely free of that, too. Not a craving. Not even a thought.

I thank God that those things happened to me; otherwise I may not have been able to quit. Some of us have thicker skulls I guess than others. I am just glad my bottom was not my death or the death of someone I loved.

Hi Everyone, Thought I'd bring this popular thread out of retirement to help nuture good communication and sharing.

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Hi Everyone,

I had a rough week last week, so I am de-stressing this weekend by using a few simple deep breathing and relaxation techniques. Preparing myself for next week's work.

In the past few months I've progressed in AA's 12 step program from step 3 to step 9 (amends). I'm feeling like I'm dawdling in making some of my amends, so I'll see if I can turn it up a notch this week.

AND HOW ARE YOU???

Thanks for sharing your story Arauna. Each of us has our own personal stories in why we quit. I have a few humiliating stories of my own & try & reflect on those whenever I think of drinking again. Even though I have only been sober for 8 days...I've tried to quit so many times in the past...have been successful for months or years at a time, but then something has always happened that triggered my old habits. As of why I am being serious with myself again have to do with family I have hurt emotionally in my past, not only because of my drinking, but my bi polar as well. I am trying to build my confidence & self esteem back so I can keep fighting to stay strong, as there are many challenges going on in my life now. I have found 2 websites & a "Big Book" that was rewritten to fit my spiritual beliefs. If anyone wants any info, please send me a PM. Good luck to all of us! ~Bright Blessings~

I got of drugs and alcohol in 1984. It wasn't until 1997 when I found out that I was manic depressive. I got on put on medicine and got to feeling better and stop taking the medicine and would end up back in the hospital. I did that about 4 times and ended up in the hospital for depression, once tried to kill myself in 2007 by taking pills, I changed my sobriety date to September 29, 2007. My last manic episode was in 2009. Lost everything except for my trailer that I am renting out. I never really took the Bipolar 1 seriously before. Now I stay on my meds faithfully now.

Gayle, It's so good to see you back again! It sounds like you've been through a lot of pain and trauma in your lifetime, but that you have been back on track since your last manic episode in 2009. My sobriety date is in 2007, also. The other thing we have in common is that after my last hypomanic episode I also lost everything: my marriage, my home, all my possessions, my job, my ability to work, everything. I'm glad that you stay on your medicines now and take care of your health. Keep us posted on your progress in AA and how your life is going. We care!

Today is day 10 for me & even though the weather seemed to bring me down & feel tired yesterday, I'm staying focused. I've also seemed to gain some weight & ate more than usual yesterday, I know my body needs the extra nourishment. I am taking the herb "Milk Thistle" twice a day that supports liver health & just got my vitamin shipment from the Vitamin Shoppe yesterday, so I have been taking the amino acid "L-Glutamine" which has shown in studies to help reduce alcohol craving & help with anxiety & helps boost mood with little known side effects, as it is already naturally produced in the body. Here's a couple links about it for anyone interested.

http://www.curepure.com/diet/supplements/benefits-of-l- glutamine/

http://www.alcohol.co.za/reducing_alcohol_craving.htm

Here is a link about the herb Kudzu "Recovery" I am also taking that reduces alcohol cravings & I've had success with it in the past.

I am not recommending this website for counseling, I haven't tried it for that, but it talks about the herb I'm using.

http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/alcohol-drugs/kudzu- treatment-alcoholism/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7884540/

Post edited by: Xina, at: 04/20/2011 05:57 AM

Post edited by: Xina, at: 04/20/2011 06:03 AM