Jessy
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What I was refering to in reference to "dark thoughts" is the fantacizing of not wanting to be living in this world anymore, if that makes any sense (basically suicidal thinking w/no plan). I have these toughts from time to time b/c I get tired of dealing with this disorder and finding no sense of relief in site. Sometimes these thoughts come out of nowhere. I have called my pdoc, left a message and haven't heard back yet. I'm going to call again tomorrow. I really need to get into see him sooner than expected. Aside from the thoughts, I have been cycling back and forth from hypomania to depression and it's driving me crazy at times! I'm almost considering checking myself into the hospital if it gets any worse or if my doc doesn't get back to me and I'm still struggling. I just can't take this crap any longer so much so that I'm overmedicating myself with Ambien as of yesterday to make me numb. I know that's bad, but this is one of my behavioral tendencies. When the meds aren't working and I'm symptomatic, I either drink too much or take too much medication to get some immediate relief. Hopefully my doc will get back soon or else send myself to the hospital? I dunno.
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