Bipolar Type II Support Group

Hello!

I am a 45 yr old mother of two teenage boys. I began displaying symptoms of BP when I was 7, but wasn't properly diagnosed until I was 32. I was initially diagnosed with severe depression/anxiety.

I've been going through the manic phase this week. I'm an ultra-ultra rapid cycler. I've gone from euphoric to crying within minutes of each other. Fortunately, it isn't usually like that. I need to start writing down the cycles, don't know why I haven't before.

My boys live with my ex-husband. Everyone told me to let him have them. Long story that I may discuss in another post someday.

My ex-husband told the boys I was faking being BP. That made me very angry, then I tried to find online if a person COULD fake it. I wanted to be able to show the children that I wasn't faking it. I've had three doctors who all confirm my diagnosis. *sigh*

So, here's my introduction..

ready, set, reply ??

Welcome to the group. I too am an ultra ultra rapid cycler and I know how scary and frustrating it can be--and no it can not be faked! Who would ever want to do that? I sounds like your husband just lacks empathy and --excuse me for saying this--is quite ignorant about the subject of mental illness. It is always useful to track moods. Are you seeing a Psychiatrist who can help you with your meds as you seem to need a change or an adjustment if your moods are unstable?

What a jerk your ex-husband is. He does nothing to try to understand mental illness obviously. You have three psychiatrists to prove that you have this, so he should just shut his mouth. I'm sorry he said that to your kids. I would suggest you getting in touch with your psychiatrist and getting a medication adjustment since you are feeling like this. I hope it gets better and that you find relief soon! Welcome to the group!

Welcome to the group tabright,

I'm sure if someone used street drugs they could probably pull off faking bi-polar disorder. If a person would do through that much trouble to fake it they probably already have some serious issues. There is still a lot of stigma and denial by "normals" when it comes to mental illness.

Glad you are here Mood tracking will help you and your doc get a better grasp on your mood cycles and how to treat them better. I did it for a while and it did help.

Many people use http://www.moodtracker.com to track their moods.

I've never used it though a lot of people have commented they like it.

I agree with the others that he's a jerk. I'm sorry you have to deal with that insensitivity. Do you see your children enough to tell them the truth? If so, I would show them the diagnosis code on the encounter form that the doctor gives you at the end of a visit (at least my doctor gives me one). That could also be the proof you can show them.

Well, I did have a "confrontation" of sorts with his new wife. (They've been married about 11 years now). Anyhoo, she didn't claim I faked it, but she did say 'I know people who have bipolar and they go to work and manage just fine, so it seems to me you're just using it as an excuse to not do such and such'. It seemed like it would serve no purpose to explain there are different types and varying degrees of the illness. The way I look at it, there are people who are diabetic and it's like this: Type II - some can get by with just meds, some have to take insulin and some have to have dialysis. It's the same illness, but different degrees of it, ya know? But none of that matters now. My oldest son is going to college this fall and my youngest will be a senior this coming year. I did explain to them that I had more than one doctor, along with the government (I receive disability) that agreed I was not faking it. So, who knows how my ex and his wife counteracted that one. Currently I'm taking 200-400mg Lamictal/150 Effexor XR/2-3mg Ativan. Those have worked great for years, but I went through a mentally stressful time within the last year and a neurologist added a muscle relaxer (Baclofen) to it, when needed. My kids are at the age where they have their own lives and their own stress that comes with it. So, I try not to bother them too much. People have told me to send cards, call sometimes if they're open to it and just wait for them to grow up more and get families of their own. I'm handling it the best that I can. So, yeah, my down time is when I get completely torn up about it all over again. But, overall I'm doing well, considering the stuff I've been through. All of the abuse in my childhood never hurt like this does though. So, I just need a place to go where people understand when I feel like crying my eyeballs out about it and then when I need to vent from the manic side too.

I work full time and I can say the past 8 years have been a real struggle. I've missed close to 5 months on medical leave, and probably another 3-4 months for pdoc visits, trips to the ER from severe allergic reactions to meds, and 3 times for chest pain & irregular heartbeats mostly were anxiety induced. As time goes on and my condition evolves my mental health is deteriorating and though my crashes are not as severe "don't get suicidal" they are still debilitating.

I just recently met with someone from human resources who said I should start educating myself about our leave system & sort & long term disability. She is familiar with bi-polar disorder and has watched a close friend go from fully functional to disabled within a very short time.

What she pointed out was what happens when the meds stop working? I've tried every class of med on the market today and am down to what I'm on now which is Lamictal, Zyprexa, and Valium. I literally have run out of meds to try. I don't want to think about when they stop working but it's a reality I have to start looking into. It will eventually happen and I need to be ready for it. There is a high percentage of people with bi-polar disorder that eventually have no choice than to go on disability. Maybe the outside world doesn't understand but WE DO!

We are here for you and understand.

I used these two songs to try to describe the mental atmosphere of my mind at each of the ends of the spectrum. Someone tell me what you think? It's so hard to say everything in words. The manic phase: Flight of the Bumblee The depressed phase: Nine Inch Nails "Hurt". The first is only music, but it's like a recording of the racing of thoughts with the violins, the other instruments that join in are things I remember, things I forget to remember. So many things going on mentally all at one time. The second is the best I've heard to describe the "feelings" of the depression. Not everything said in it is applicable, but you get the overall gist.

I'm manic this morning. It's 9:55am East Coast - I'll check in later, especially if I rapid cycle. I appreciate everyone here and I hope I can help you guys too someday.

I like the Johnny Cash version of "Hurt" so much more emotion behind it and it really hits home for me.

If you haven't heard it youtube it. BTW I am a metal head though have a lot of respect for Johnny Cash's work.

Im so sorry to hear ur suffering at the words of an(in my opinion) ill man. Im very new to this, but very old to the BP game. As previously stated who in there craziest moment would want to act the way we do. Acceptance of facts for some, is just way to hard a pill to swallow!

Ive been diagnosed as bipolar of some sort or another since 15, im currently thirty, and type 2 And the few "normal" people i have opened up to are so ignorant, and close minded! Its disgusting! No, its down right appalling that the truly strong, and determined ones of this world acquire the title "sick".

Please dont let him hold u back from the wonderful things u have to offer this world! Excuse my terminology screw the two of them! I know its hard to think that way( im still no where close to mastering the technique) but if u give them any room in ur head, dont fool urself/myself;}, they will take it and more. Ur stronger, you've proven that... ur still here!!!

Cold, insensitive, arrogant, insecure, ignorant "people" Suck! I value my place in the species, even though i admit im not to satisfied with my co-inhabitors, so as not to offend any, I've used the word person loosely...very loosely!