From Hell to Here and so Grateful

I posted in another group, BiPolar General Support and didn't know if I could join this group as well. I am BP II.

I am a 54 year old sculptor from Whidbey Island and have suffered horrendously from undiagnosed (or misdiagnosed) BiPolar II almost all of my life.

Last year, I found recovery. This has been far from a walk in the park process but could not be more grateful that I didn't pull that trigger, before the miracle happened. I have my issues. As I type, my fingers are shaking after being taken off Tegretol due toa severe allergic reaction. OH WELL ... today I have hope and we will work through it.

I am quite open about my mental illness and share it on my art web site which has resulted in bringing a seed of hope to many suffering without a clue as to what is happening to them. I know what that feels like.

If you are interested in reading my journey through hell to recovery, here it is http://rochonsculpture.artspan.com/mbr_bio.php

I look forward to hearing from you.

God bless us all.

Louie

Post edited by: uswalker, at: 01/26/2008 20:21

Welcome, I'll go to your site and have a look. I am glad you have been successful in your art career. I am just sort of re-considering my path. I went to art school and graduated with a degree in Fine Arts from a good State University. But I was never able to be consistent enough to do anything with it. I am looking forward to seeing your work.

It's been a very long painful journey, but today, I have hope, and good doctors, finally.

Thanks again for saying HI. Sure wish I would have found you guys at some moments of EXTREME suicidal desperation. Guess it takes what it takes. Today, all I have is gratitude.

I don't know, for me the desperately suicidal times were better spent in my local mental institution. Two times. The less critical ones, which was most of them, were plenty horrible, but I managed to get through by talking myself out of them. Hard, but possible. The long term, seemingly unrelenting deep dark depression was the damper on my art life.

I am hoping to start one up now. I don't know what I want to do, yet. I don't expect to make a career but I would really like to just draw and paint again. I was a painter in school, realistic, in acrylics. I like detail a lot so I often do close-ups. I don't want to fall back into taking myself and my work too seriously, that was part of my undoing as well.

I have discovered fiber, too. I wish I had taken that more seriously back in the day (which is to say - at all). It does give me a new avenue to explore now.

Post edited by: Clover, at: 01/26/2008 22:58

One trick I use, a deal I made with myself, I call the 10 minute rule. Regardless of my mind, thoughts, moods, emotions (bla, bla, bla,) ... my side of the deal with my higher power, which I call God, is to get dressed, walk into my studio and stay there for 10 minutes. Most of the time, 8 hours later, I've managed to create something. Often, I slink back into bed. Oh well, progress, not perfection.

Here's a new piece I finished in the midst of a terrible BP period, rapid cycling, but that 10 minute rule got me through it. Enjoy and happy creations.

http://picasaweb.google.com/uswalker/ThreeSpringsViewMaster

Post edited by: uswalker, at: 01/26/2008 23:29

I am,

Yes, I've been a friend of Bill W for 20 years now, less a few unplanned excursions for personal testing purposes.

This looks like a good group. Are there many members? Active? Sure wish I had the wherewithall to find you when I was in such pain and desperation.

I despise this disease as the very thing it takes to crawl out of the ooze is exactly what it robs you of, hope. I can only be grateful that God was there with me that night, (MANY nights), to get me through until I could find the miracle.

So many years, thinking I was flawed, defective, overflowing with character defects and all the while, I was sick. No regrets, really. Just gratitude. Some of my friends weren't so lucky.

I share my story with anyone that will listen. I KNOW what it feels like to be crumbled up in a tight ball, hiding in a dark corner, enduring painful second after second, the torture of mental illness. I'm not interested in going back into that pit of despair and anguish.

Today I have tools, my program, my God (HP), my friends, my docs and my self ... and I use them ALL! I work hard for my recovery. I do NOT ever takeit for granted. It's no walk in the park but on the whole, life is immeasurably better. I actually have a life. For the first time in decades, I can actually look at myself in a mirror. 'Normies' may not understand that .. I do and you probably understand as well.

I write a lot about my journey in the blogs and hear from people all over the world telling me that what I am writing makes them feel better as it feels as if someone 'out there' understands.

Hope to get to know you better. You'll see a lot about me and Bill W in my BIO. http://rochonsculpture.artspan.com/mbr_bio.php

My blog link, if you are interested, is located at the bottom of the BIO.

You know, it just popped into my foggy little head this morning, that I may just walk back to Miami, from Seattle for my 60th BD in a few years, for [i]'mental illness' awareness. I better think about that one ... could be another of my manic ideas and don't like to act without really thinking these days. I still kind of like the idea, though. We'll see.[/i]

Bye for now. Your nenw friend, in recovery.

Louie

http://www.mdjunction.com/dual-diagnosis

This group is fairly new, so there are not to many of us here yet, and not many of us that are dual diagnosed, we tend to be a lot quieter than the other bipolar group, but we are getting there, we have our forums, for open discussions here like if you are having a bad day etc.. and then we have Clovers Positive forum, which I believe you have already found, like I said any and all are welcome, we have a place for listing tips and medications, which you can find by clicking on the Bipolar ll, support forums, if you want to see what other forums, that we have on the entire site you just click on the online support groups on the left side of the page towards the top of the post where you are... you can either click on the heading you are looking for, like diabetes is under endocrine or you can just use the A.B.C. listing at the top to select what you want to find, like the D will list all illnesses that we have for that beginning letter.

I will join the dual diagnosis as well. Went to meetings for a while with DD and it was very helpful.

I'm heading over there now.

Bye for now.

USwalker

I just saw a post from a gal that has been on Lamictol for two days, as well a bad experience with Seroquel and I can't find her post??? I wanted to chime in.

Louie