damiano311
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So I am new here and have been dealing with BP II for a while now. Before I was diagnosed BP I was told I had major depression and was started off on lexapro 7 years ago, to help me with my anger and depression. They started me off on 10 mg and it was bumped up continually through the years. About 2 years ago I went to see my Pdoc and told him I couldnt get past the depression, he then started me on Effexor at 75 mgs twice per day. I tried it for a couple of months and still couldnt get out of the depression and was still bitting off peoples heads. After several months I went back and saw him and I was then started on Geodon 40 in the morning and 40 in the evening. I felt great at first and everything seemed to being going great, I felt so much better. Then it happened again, I fell right back into a funk and went to see my Pdoc again. He then bumped my geodon up to 80 in the morning and 80 at bedtime. This seemed to do nothing for me and I was still so down I couldnt belive it, I didnt even have it in me to go to work but I struggled and went in anyway. Then when I would get home from work I was so worn out that all i wanted to do was sleep. This option wasnt doing that well for me since I have a wife and kids and need to be a functioning part of everyday life around the house. I went back to see my doc 4 weeks latter and told him of the side affects I was having and that the depression was still very bad. I actually lost 25 pounds being on Geodon. It killed my appitite and my sex drive wasnt even there. He then decided to add depakote to the mix. I was so tired at work and couldnt even imagine getting out of bed, in fact on the weekends I was sleeping in until 10 in the morning when i was normally up at 7. I was on geodon suffering and then depakote seemed to make my depression even worse. I suffered with with this for about 6 months and went back to see my pdoc aagain and asked him to do something about the depression. He then lowered the geodon to 60mgs a day and 250 depakote at night. I tried this combo for a month as well with no luck. I went back to him and I asked him to do something , I said I have lost a ton of weight my hair was falling out on this crap and I felt worse than I did when I was taking effexor. He pulled me off of geodon and started me on starter packs of seroquel and depakote. I was then taking 200mgs of seroquel and 250mgs of depakote at night. I still was feeling like crap and had strange side affects I believe were caused by the depakote, I was hardly urinating and still wasnt eating. When it came time to get my RX filled for depakote I decided not to stay on it. Right now it has been over a week with no depakote and I feel much better. He is going to be bumping up my seroquel to 400 mgs soon but I have very strange dreams and feel pretty tired most of the time, although it seems to be getting better as time goes by. I am also getting ready to go see a shrink soon , I think it will be better than having a Pdoc play around with my meds. I havent been dedpressed for about 3 days now and dont know if it is because I am cycling out of it , but i feel i have more energy and dont mind getting out of bed to go to work lately. My wife tells me that when I am on these meds I am much more easier to deal with and she knows what she can expect day to day, where as before when I was on just anti-dpresants she says she never knew who would walk through the door day to day. She said it has made more more evened out. I do hate the thought of having to be meds but I know it is what I have to do to stay better. I also kinda had a screwed up childhood with abuse, and my mother was a violent person. My mother was 5150'd about 4 years ago and before that a handful of times. I have cut her out of my life due to her manic phases and her refusal to seek any treatment or help for her condition. She was diagnosed back in the day as a manic depresive person, she was on lithium for a little while but when she feels good she goes off of meds and then it starts back over with her. I had to cut her out of my life for my childrens saftey and for my sanity. I could tell you stories about her that would make you think why is she not in a facility, too make a long story short she has several restarining orders against her. She has isolated herself from family and lost plenty of friends along the way as well. I have a sister that hasnt had anything to do with her in about 10 years, she has several sisters that dont have anything to do with her as well for close to 20 years. So i guess it runs in the family. I wish it was different but it is what it is , at least I recongnize it and am getting help for my condition. |
