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05/26/2008 06:18 PM

Feeling old, boring and just cruddy

massagefever
 
Posts: 14
Member

I think I have hit a midlife crisis or something at the whopping age of 29. I have always had to be mature and responsible and never did the whole teenage routine. Now I am starting to feel like I really missed out and have this urge to feel young again. I am sick to death of being responsible all the time.

Has anyone felt this way and if so, how did you snap out of it? Am I crazy (of course, lol) for feeling this way or could it be a med issue.

I need advice b/c this is really getting me depressed and down and I do have to be responsible.

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05/26/2008 08:45 PM
jbegemusic

No not all all! It makes sense because you do go through natural phases as you get older.We just need to learn to stay in the present and accept what we can and cannot do.You can be CREATIVE and responsible whick is cool! Listen I am 55 and sometimes I feel 70 other times 29. Please try to stay in the moment. Let me know if this helps! Hugs,Jimmy

05/27/2008 02:31 AM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
VIP Member

Hi, Massage, welcome to the group, I can really relate to what you are saying, my childhood was basically stolen from me, by a A-Hole my mom got involved with that thought that it was ok to molest a young girl, between her working and running around with this person, she was rarely home, I had to take over the raising and feeding of me and my three brothers.. I had to learn to be the strong one in crisis before, not falling apart till what ever was happening was over..and then I just shut it in and no one saw me cry..

We can't go back, we can't fix the past, all we ca do is enjoy the here and now..learn to enjoy the simple pleasures, believe it or not I am 48 years old, and enjoy crunching through the leaves during the fall..lol.. I giggle like a little kid.. when I met my husband, he took me out for a icecream cone, I had forgotten the simple joy of a icecream cone on a hot afternoon..

Talk with your therapist about this, it could be just the season change that is affecting you, I know that spring gets me revved up too..


05/27/2008 05:50 AM
jbegemusic

That is so true carmen! I truly believe that the reason why we have all these psyche problems are a result of PTSD and being "burned out" from problem after problem. The human mind and body can't take what accumulates and doesn't go away. We overload and short circuit. I am 55 and understand what we take for granted and I am glad you met your husband and understands all of this. Therapy far supasses the meds that we take although the right one's will help us immensely. You made a great impact on this group. Thank you Carmen! Hugs, Jimmy

05/27/2008 08:14 AM
massagefever
 
Posts: 14
Member

I absolutely take on too much stress and never get it out of my mind. I take responsibility for all that goes wrong and nothing that goes right and it weighs very heavily on me. I do fine at work, as a massage therapist, b/c I know I am good at it. But I feel like such a failure as a wife and mother that it depresses me beyond belief. And I have been in therapy but he and I kind of go around and around b/c I don't understand how even talking about and realizing where these problems come from can help me get better. I am a challenge for him for sure. He knows about me being responsible so young and how I take credit for all the bad stuff. I haven't seen him in a while for financial issues though.

My brain is definitely fired though from so much stress. And I add more and can't help myself.


05/27/2008 08:17 AM
massagefever
 
Posts: 14
Member

My brain is fried, not fired. Uggghh, see?

05/27/2008 08:39 AM
jbegemusic

Listen sweetie,

You have the ability to put things back into focus. It's a hard climb back but we all possess that ability. Don't give up on yourself either. There are a lot of peopl;e like us out there some going without being diagnosed. It's not like a virus or infection that you can cure. It's not a visible desease we have. It's hard to explain to people unless they have it too. I don't think being fried is what is happening. I wish you the best!Jimmy


05/27/2008 12:33 PM
lobo
lobo  
Posts: 451
Member

I feel you and relate massage. I'm 54 and there is a difference between being fried and being overwhelmed. I'm not being genderish here so please don't any of you fine ladies take offense or if you do you can slap me later. There are many, many things that women are much better at than men, but comparmentalizing is typically not one of them...which can be an acute source of feeling overwhelmed. Most guys are methodical and can put each problem or issue in it's own little compartment and address them one at a time. To many women it's all in one big pot of stew all mixed in together and then it's overwhelming to be a picky eater and separate all the veggies.

You mentioned is it a med thing? First step is to go see a good psychiatrist if you can possibly afford it and validate or eliminate that possibility. That may be all you have to do.

After you vallidate or eliminate a chemical problem then my guess is it's the same crap I deal with and there is nothing wrong with your brain. It sounds to me like you're not thinking as clearly as you want to because of all the mental distractions and that's where compartmentalizing can come in handy.

I too grew up and missed my teenage years and am totally overly responsible. That works good in the workplace, but the downside is that work can reinforce the behavior and I started believing that all my worth was in being overly responsible so I did it in all parts of my life and didn't leave it at work. I then felt guilty as hell if I let even one ball drop...it was my job to keep them going all the time and allow people to put more balls in the air to add to my already heavy load. A lot of them thar balls didn't belong to me, but my overly responsible self took them on as if they did.

There was one more dimension to my rearing that made the overly responsible problem even worse. I was raised very right wing religious (have my balance now), but along with that came the "no chance syndrome" and this may or may not apply to you. As imperfect human beings we're allowed to screw up at least once in order to learn our lessons. I was under the approach that you're supposed to always know what's right and wrong or appropriate and inappropriate so I didn't get even one chance to screw up. When our value to our family lies in not getting even one chance at mistakes then being overly responsible to keep from screwing up is a natural defense. If you have to always be inhumanly infoulable then we can't stand screwing up. It's taken me a lot of years, but to manage the extreme overly responsible thing, I finally surronded myself with true human beings that not only screw up, but allow me to screw up and not throw me away...not make my value contingent on perfect behavior.

One thing I had to learn was that mistakes are not sin. If you don't know any better then it's a mistake and everyone is entitled to those and shouldn't hvae to carry the weight of everything and everyone around them. God and the right people in our lives will give us endless chances to make mistakes and forgive.

You're tired of being overly responsible so give up...you can't do it. The one caveat and warning here is that you have to be careful because if you are in relationships where people are already trained that you will be the responsible one then there may be some potentially uncomfortable backlash that you have to decide on a case by case basis if the potential loss is worth the gain. When I started setting boundaries in my family and made them responsible for their stuff when I wouldn't, it threw the whole family dynamics out of whack. However, they adjusted and all is fine.

Here's a question for you to ponder. How many mistakes have you made in your young life? If you have a difficult time coming up with much of a list then you're a prime candidate to start making some...you have a lot of catching up to doSmile. If people toss you away for not being overly responsible then gently train them differently or if the option is there trade them in on people that won't throw you away. Again, you might find it advantageous at work to keep it up, but leave it there. If you want to live more of life and get back some of what you lost out on, then you have to take more risks and that means allowing yourself to screw up more and disappoionting some people because you're no longer carrying the load, but fear of disappoionting can keep us enslaved so you might start out by disappointing yourself a few times by allowing yourself to screw up and then forgive yourself. If you hvae trouble forgiving yourself then come here and you'll find bucket fulls.

My nickels worth.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 05/27/2008 15:03


05/27/2008 01:05 PM
jbegemusic

Well said, Jim

05/27/2008 06:30 PM
massagefever
 
Posts: 14
Member

I have been to see a psychiatrist and he does believe I have a chemical imbalance so I am on medication.

As far as mistakes. I feel like make many. But others around me disagree. I did get married very young but now I have a saint for a husband, 3 healthy, happy children, and live in a beautiful home. Everything that SHOULD make me extremely happy. But I guess I've never done anything too stupid. I have no tattoos I regret, no weird body piercing, no wild past I regret. In fact, I have only ever "been" with my husband and didn't drink anything really until probably 25 or so. I feel like I am talking in circles now, lol.

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