Bipolar Type II Support Group

I've been very hesitant in writing this because I know it sounds moronic. Right now I'm living in fear of dying. I'm scared that everything that happens is going to kill me. Maybe it's because I'm a cancer survivor? I don't know. I'm getting over this horrible cough. I was in tears, convinced it was lung cancer. When I went to sleep with the cough, I was scared I wouldn't wake up. I'm waiting for some test results from my gyn. If there's something wrong and I don't get those results in time, I'll be dead before treatment can start. There are other examples that I can't think of right now. When Rob goes to work, I'm afraid he's going to be in an accident.

I could understand it if it was every now and then because I know it can be a normal fear. But having these feelings all the time is driving me crazier than I already feel.

Tracey

Post edited by: mixma, at: 06/03/2009 05:26 PM

Hey Tracey,

That's got to be really hard to deal with. There has been a couple of times in my life where I was obssessed with really disturbing thoughts. They were horrible experiences. One of them took years to get over...

I assume your working on this with either your pdoc, tdoc or both? If not you should be. You shouldn't have to wait it out like I did. Nobody should.

Mark

You do not sound stupid whatsoever, I have had the same issues myself. I also suggest you discuss this with your doc if you havent already. It can become very obsessive and should be nipped in the bud before you get too obsessive. Good Luck and we are all here for you.

Thank you. I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow morning and I'm going to bring it up with him.

Tracey,

It's ironic I see your post because today my new tdoc and I were discussing my 7 different types of paranoia. One of them happens to be the fear of dying a slow and painful death. This is due to my mother passing away from pancreatic cancer and watching her vomit blood 24 hours before she died. My tdoc told me this is not a form of paranoia. It's a "normal" feeling that everyone experiences and is a legitimate fear based on the fact that people can and do die prematurely and painfully. I don't know if that helps you feel any better, but I thought I'd let you know that what you're experiencing isn't abnormal by any means.

I do understand that the fear of dying whether it be slow and painful or really quick is a legitimate fear. That's not what I'm talking about though. Every situation is going to kill me. Everything from a tumour to a mosquito bite. From a car accident to sitting on my front step. This is what I think about (focus on ?) day in and day out.

Tracey

Tracey,

In a way that's understandable considering the fact that you've had cancer. Other than that, I'm not sure what else to say really. Maybe talking with a tdoc about that may help.