Bipolar Type II Support Group

My husband accused me using my illness as an excuse. He said if things don't get better in six months he wants a divorce. What am I supposed to do? Go back to constantly wearing the mask I wore for years? Does he not realize I've lived in a hazy world for several years? I am at a loss. To me this is all still all very new and I don't understand everything. I just know that for longest time I lived life in a shadow. I always felt like there was something in my mind in the dark....that I tried my best to keep at bay by wearing masks in front on everyone. Sometimes the mask would slip and I was left trying to deal with the embarrassment of not being able to handle it. I've dealt with being a black sheep most of my life. I've always heard things that others don't hear, see things others dont see. I find it hard to live in the here and now, it's difficult to concentrate on one single thing..........does my husband not realize what it has been like trying to live a life that was essentially a lie? Now that I'm diagnosed I feel free in a way. That I don't have to hide behind masks. but obviously I do or he is going to leave me. is this how life is for us? do our loved ones essentially not understand and can't comprehend what is going on that either we lose them or wear masks in front of them? I just dont know what to do. My husband also says my psychiatrist doesn't know what she's doing. that she diagnosed me to quickly that it should have taken her six months. i went through a very thorough process with my pdoc. it was pretty obvious I had something, antidepressants didn't work, i was having mood swings like crazy, i answered like a million questionarries and questions. yet he still doesn't believe.

I have decided to try and stick with my job, and just try and make it through it. I just want to fit in.

i am yet again at a loss and in need of guidance.

I am so sorry to hear this!!!! Is there anyway he would go to the pdocs with you for a visit to maybe educate himself further on your illness. I myself have been a mess and worry my husband will just get sick of me someday. He doesnt give any indication of that but I would be sick of me at times. I think you both will get through this love is very strong. If this is your only problem then you guys have it made. Maybe counseling could help if he was willing just make sure you dont focus the blame on him or he will get defensive and run from that fast. I hope I helped somewhat. Good Luck! Dont ever hide from yourself

Hyunjee, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Once they find out anti-depressants don't work and many other things they've tried don't work, I haven't heard of it taking 6 months for a diagnosis. I was treated for depression for about 7 years and nothing worked. After that, when they started looking outside the box, it didn't take 6 months to figure it out.

I know you're seeing a psychiatrist, is your husband? Is he seeing a therapist? It sounds like he has a closed mind about things. If he actually went and talked to someone, either with you as a couple or by himself if he felt more comfortable, it might help him understand what you're going through.

I don't know what else to tell you. At this point in my life, the mask is pretty much gone. Oh, it's still around when we get together with family. Only my brother and my father-in-law know what's been going on. You certainly don't want to wear a mask all the time. I don't think it's realistic to expect that you can, for the rest of your life, pretend everything is amazing. If you're like me, that's going to blow up in your face. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. *hugs*

Tracey

Hyunjee,

I'm really sorry you're going through that. I can't really add to what has been already said. It does sound like your husband needs to be educated on BP disorder. That may help him try to understand what you go through. Hang in there hon! We're here if you need us.

Hyunjee,

I am so sorry for you. Here is a link for a book that is helping my wife understand a bit better. Do you think he would be willing to read something or go to a support group?

http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Bipolar-Disorder-Julie/ dp/1572243422

Hang in there!

Chris

Hey hyunjee,

Sorry to hear this, it must be so difficult for you, but just remember this one thing - you are not alone!

I don't have bi-polar, my girlfriend does. She has bi-polar 2 and PTSD. I have been with her for 2 years, living with her for the last year or so of that. I'm 28 and she is 24.

Speaking from your husbands side of the bi-polar fence, the main thing I have learnt personally is that knowledge is absolutely vital. When you next have a good/normal day, talk to him and ask him to just listen. Explain how you feel, explain what bi-polar does to you, tell him everything about how you feel when you're manic and when you're depressed, and most importantly, tell him you love him and need him to support you.

As mixma and missstacey said, ask him to go to the pdoc/tdoc with you. I have been with my girlfriend a few times now and it really helped me understand the condition and what she goes through. This really is the best starting place in my opinion.

Bi-polar is a very unique condition, requiring both sides of any relationship to be very adaptive. Unlike other conditions, bi-polar doesn't have consistent behaviour which speaking from my experience, makes it difficult for people who don't have the condition to deal with/understand. There are the manic highs, the horrific lows, the "normal times", and a vast rainbow of stages in between. However, I have really made an effort to learn everything I can about my girlfriends condition and how I can support her best. When you next feel up to it, just try and communicate with him, get him to listen, keep the conversation calm if possible, and let him talk about how it makes him feel too.

As I said at the start though, you're not alone. There are so many people who can help and anyone here will always be there for you if you need them to be.

I hope you sort this out with your husband, take care of yourself, and make sure you get any support you need from all of us here!

Post edited by: mongoose, at: 04/27/2009 10:36 AM

Hyungee,

I am also really sorry to hear this. It certainly won't help you deal your BP any better.

As for the mask. I wear mine all the time except when I'm alone. I find it somehow comforting. Probably because it's my oldest and dearest friend. :^) Each to their own though. In the end you have to follow your heart.

Mark

I think i have determined that I may have to start wearing my "masks" again. I took them down for awhile and all it did was isolate me from everyone. I just have to act like "normal" and just deal with my real self in my own time. I dont think my husband can honestly handle being married to someone who is bipolar. It's not what he signed up for to speak and that whole for better or for worse part.....well it was all just words. so even though it may not be the healthiest for me, and i know that one day my mask will probably slip and end me up some place i dont want to be.......seems like my only option.

hyungee,

You can do what I do. Come here and let my mask down. It's working pretty good for me!

Mark