HouseArrest
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mmurton, After years of dealing with my disorder I finally figured out that, even to those that I told I was bipolar, I've still spent most of my time lying to. Telling them I'm fine when it's apparent in my facial expression that I'm not, simply because of the fear that, if I delve to deeply into it, people will start seeing me for what I am. Abnormal. Only recently in life have I been given the attitude that if they don't accept me for who/what I am then I have no guilt in telling them to F off and stay away from me. Thats one of the best parts about being bipolar. When you're in your low swing, you can deal with issues/people that you would ordinarily tip toe around, with no guilt at all. I take my disorder as a god given blessing. Sure others may not see things the way I do. But put this into light. You have a sucky job you've been working at for the last 5 years. There is no chance for growth, and you know your skills demand more pay and a better job would be easier to get. Now a "normal" person may quit and get a better job...but most would feel a bit of guilt leading up to the time they say....I quit. But you stick it out because you need the money and don't have the will to start searching for soemthing better (after all...your depressive most of the time...least I am lol). SO you tip toe around people for fear of losing your job because they see you for what you are, an irrational asshole. Well....that low swing comes and all hell brakes loss. You've now lost your job. You feel no guilt about it, and you start looking for a better one because the loss of your job means really nothing to you. Lol. After taking all of my advice i've dished out in the last 20 minutes or so......I see that I may not be to helpful with someone that has just been recently diagnosed. For that I am sorry. Before you take my advice to heart know that I've been having issues since 6. I was first diagnosed with adhad at that age. From 6-mid teens I've been to numerous docs, diagnosed completely different things, and have taken damn near every med for the mind from a-z. One day, about 15 or 17, I took about a dozen (give or take) blue zanex in school...and that was all she wrote. 10 years later and I can say I've been dealing with this issue on my own for about 20 years. Feeling the self gratification right now. |
I try to take one day at a time and not let the outside world get me down. I too take advantage of those low swings and didn't really know it until you pointed that out. 
Thank you again. 
