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05/07/2012 02:46 PM

blah lately.

mandy123
mandy123  
Posts: 178
Member

over the weekend i did some things that I am not too proud of Sad I went out with friends had some drinks. before i went out i asked my dr how much i could drink with being on meds and what not and she said just a bit, one or two beers so thats what i had planned, so i had one beer.. then another because i was feeling fine, then another, THEN started taking shots! yes i was a cheap drunk because i have not had a drink in a year. I had a great time went to an after party where i knew drugs would be brought out but knew that i could manage without taking any ( i have been clean for 9 years now) and what do i do.. ASK for some SadSad i didnt do much, i did speed and only snorted one pill. however; a few events after that led to me having sex with my ex boyfriend, who has a loving gf and doughter, i felt terrible. I then gave money to my buddy to go ahead and get me some more pills.. he took a while to get back and by then i had realised what i had done. he came in, gave me my drugs and i took them up to my apartment. i sat there a while looking at them then flushed them down the toilet. i am so glad i flushed them because who knows what would have happened if not. anyway I am so so disapointed in myself for doing what i did.. both, the drugs and sleeping with my ex Sad sure in the end i may have done the right thing .. but i did drugs! after being clean for 9 years.. and what scares me is how easy it was for me to do that. i crushed it and snorted it just like old times, nothing to it.. I have a huge addict before and worked so soo hard to get to where i am in my life today.. and to some people it may not seem i am going far in life but i know how hard i have worked.

My mood a few days before this was terrible. i was moody and crying and happy and all kinds of different emotions were flowing through me.. do you think that has anything to do with it? im so upset with myself. I have a child and i LOVE him and i respect him! and i feel like i failed him saturday night. Sad the story of my life eh!

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05/07/2012 03:01 PM
mem4809

I am sorry you had such a bad experience. I think this is exactly why we should not drink anything when we are on meds. It could very well be that your mood swings led to your drinking too much and then being drunk, you made a lot of bad decisions. It is good that you can look back and realistically analyze how it came to be and how to prevent it from happening again. You deserve a good pat on the back for flushing the pills though--don't undermine the importance of that. Hopefully this is a one time thing and you can stay away from alcohol from now on, knowing how lethal it is for you if you can't just have 1 drink.

05/07/2012 03:29 PM
mandy123
mandy123  
Posts: 178
Member

thank you. it can be so hard sometimes to deal with moods.. Sad and not many people understand it. i have very close friends who still dont know i have been diagnosed with BP2 and i dont ever plan on telling them. why is it so hard for people to understand Sad

05/07/2012 03:50 PM
mem4809

It's an 'invisible' disease so people think we use it as an excuse. Hopefully more education will be released to the public through anti-stigma agencies. I know they are working on that in my neighbourhood. I don't mind admitting about the Depression part but it's the other pole that others can't seem to understand. I guess they are lucky to be so ignorant of this hell we have to put up!!!!!

05/07/2012 04:58 PM
mandy123
mandy123  
Posts: 178
Member

yea, i hear my friends talk about others sometimes and they say oh this chicks crazy, "she must be bipolar or something" and like fuck if only they knew what it was like to live this way but no one knows, unless you are going through it.. no one can understand and it makes it so hard to find support from close friends and family

05/07/2012 05:26 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16713
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Sounds like a rough night out. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm very glad that you flushed the pills. That is one great thing you did do. I think it sounds like you can't stop, so you probably shouldn't drink on your medications. It would be wise to not. It's good that you realized what you did. Hopefully you learn a lesson from this experience. Don't be too hard on yourself. People make mistakes. I'm just glad it didn't go any further. Take it one day at a time. People can't understand if they don't know. Even when they know, they can't really understand by experiencing bipolar. I hope you feel better.

05/07/2012 05:59 PM
mandy123
mandy123  
Posts: 178
Member

thank you

05/08/2012 11:41 AM
mandy123
mandy123  
Posts: 178
Member

i have not been here in a while, but its just as i remember it! i love coming here and getting the support needed rather than the dirty looks and judgemental people Sad
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