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05/06/2012 09:59 AM

Off My Meds and Made a Huge Mistake

brandib811
brandib811  
Posts: 3801
VIP Member

So I've been off my medications for about three weeks because I've been sick and haven't been able to hold anything down. Last Wednesday night I called my dad to tell him that I was probably going to go visit my boyfriend this summer. He said that was stupid and I shouldn't be going out of my way to see a married man. Now, my boyfriend has been divorced since 2002. And I grew up having to deal with my dad cheating on my mom for practically my whole life so I would NEVER under any circumstances date a man who was married or had a girlfriend. I went off and said I'm nothing like him or the whores he used to date. He hung up on me and hasn't spoken to me since. I've reached out to him and apologized but he still refuses to talk to me. I was so upset I actually tried to kill myself by overdosing on muscle relaxers. I just can't believe he'd think so low of me. And to act like that's so wrong when the woman he's with broke up him and my mom. I guess now I know I do need my medication. I'm slowly weaning myself back onto them since I haven't been vomiting as much. I just wish there were something I could do to satisfy my dad. It hurts me so much that he thinks so little of me. I wasn't good enough to live in his house last year and now I'm not even good enough to be worth his time. All because I told the truth. Yes, I could've said it in a different way, but that's because I wasn't on my meds, and he knew that. I don't know. I really don't know.
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05/06/2012 12:49 PM
skeptical
skeptical  
Posts: 1130
Senior Member

brandi, I also recently tried to prove that I would be ok without meds, a mood stabilizer in particular. I fumbled through a month or so before I woke up and realized how terrible things were going. My husband was getting the brunt of my horrible anger or depressed moods, and then I became obsessed all over again with self-injury. The hypomania was making me come across as a complete lunatic at work from the uncontrollable laughter and airheadedness. About three weeks ago I let go of my pride and called my pdoc to tell her I was ready to give mood stabilizers another shot, for real this time.

It is impossible to predict what will happen or how we will feel off meds, but I guess sometimes we need to go through the wake up call, right? I hope you find the right balance and come to terms with your dad. Don't give up on him, or on yourself.

I have a very good friend who struggles with her relationship with her father, but she does not give up, even when he is being stubborn and hurtful. Not saying that you should subject yourself to repeated pain while dealing with it, but I think it is our job as our father's daughters to persist and make sure they know that ultimately we love our dad. He is the only one you will ever have.

I hope you are feeling better.


05/06/2012 01:46 PM
mem4809

The truth can be very painful and your father has obviously been working hard to forget that part of his life. Overdosing won't get you anywhere though and I am glad you are still with us! i am sorry that you and your dad can't see eye to eye right now. This will always be a thorn in your relationship with him, but it doesn't mean he won't resume communicating with you.

05/06/2012 01:56 PM
brandib811
brandib811  
Posts: 3801
VIP Member

Yes trying to kill myself didn't solve anything. It just hurt even more that he didn't care. I just don't see how a father could think so little of his own daughter. I've never done anything wrong like date someone else's man. He even went as far to say I needed to stop playing the victim with regards to my rape and robbery.

05/06/2012 03:49 PM
mem4809

Oh how hurtful. It sounds like you need to keep your distance from him, even though we all dream of having support and love from our parents. Some just aren't capable of giving and just take and take. It sounds like he knows exactly how to hurt you. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
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