Bipolar Type II Support Group

I'm not really sure what to say.

I'm not as severe as some of the stories I've read and I can't imagine the depths of depression some of you describe.

I've definitely had some significant career struggles but my charm and ability to talk well has gotten me through.

I make friends easily and my friends enjoy that crazy manic side that makes me the life of the party. I'm worried that I will lose that live wire side of myself.

I'm 29 now and was actually diagnosed bipolar as a teenager and then it was later rescinded when I turned 19 as a possible misdiagnosis. I've always struggled with a number of symptoms that I thought were ADHD related and even that was partially rescinded back when I was 19.

I'm really confused. I have had some very significant short term successes in my life but sustained efforts in any endeavor tend to fall flat after a while.

I've lost enthusiasm in every job I've ever taken within 1-3 months. The worst part is I always start each one feeling like I am alive with energy and potential.

Later my bosses all sort of have the same we're disappointed in you and we don't understand what happened look on their faces.

I guess now I know. I thought maybe it was ADHD or that I just hadn't found that one perfect job/career yet.

I've worked in social services, management consulting, fundraising, security and a couple others. Most of my jobs have been desk jobs and usually end up feeling trapped.

I have torpedoed my finances in the past and lately my spending habits are all over the map. Today I'm pinwheeling back and forth between relieved to realize what's been wrong and angry at the limitations I now have. I can never be in the military or any type of law enforcement.

I was a double major in psychology and criminal justice in college. I am involved in three different non profits in my spare time. I am volunteering as a mentor once a week with an organization that provides assistance to people in DC that are below the poverty line and trying to secure employment. I also work 4 hours a week at talk, crisis and suicide hotline. On the side I do pro-bono resume and interview coaching for anyone who needs it. I'm also a leader in my local branch of Toastmasters.

Despite all of this I can't say I've ever really been happy. I stay active because I get bored so easily.

When I get depressed I usually don't have the energy to talk to or be around anyone and will just watch endless amounts of television.

I come from a family where no one is ever really allowed to be negative so I've learned to pretend to be happy. In retrospect I've had so many depressions where I acted out depressed behaviors and thoughts while walking around with a positive attitude.

I am so confused and overwhelmed right now. I don't what to think.

I'm not aware of anyone in my life who has this.

I am open to any and all feedback about any portion or portions of my post.

Thanks for reading.

Have you had a recent meeting with a psychiatrist who might be able to shed some light on what's going on and to see if you need meds?

Hi Janna,

Thanks for writing.

Yes. I met with a psychiatrist yesterday for the first time in ten years. In the space of 90 minutes he diagnosed me Bipolar Type II and suggested that if I was interested in medication I should start taking Lamictal. As of yesterday I am on 25 mg a night for the next two weeks. However, after that I believe it will increase to 50 mg a day (25 mg every 12 hours).

Yesterday was a really difficult day for me. I went there expecting an ADHD diagnosis and some stimulant medication and walked out with a mood disorder.

I can imagine how hard that must have been! But knowing the right diagnosis will lead to the right meds--if this pdoc is correct. When do you see him again?

Yeah, it sucked.

I have another appointment in a month and a 5 minute phone call check-in in two weeks to talk about how the medication is going.

Wow, I am from Canada and our system is so different here. My psychiatrist is my therapist and spends a lot of time talking to me about my meds and their side effects--which I experience too much of.

Hello, I'm glad you have joined. I'm sorry you are struggling. It must be hard not to be able to hold down jobs like that. You seem to do a lot of things. Your plate is full. I think once you get on the right medication, things will even out for you. Lamictal is a great medication if you can take it. You just have to go slow because of the rash. There is a lot of support here and I'm sure you will like it here. I look forward to getting to know more about you. Welcome to the group!

Welcome to the group! Lamictal is a great med which is a mood stabilizer and helps with depression especially. It takes 6-8 weeks to get to a therapeutic dose, so be patient.

welcome to MDJ and the wide world of BP2, wastedtime29...

you seem to have had quite an interesting journey on the road to this diagnosis. it can come as quite a surprise, so i'm not surprised you're feeling a little confused and overwhelmed by it all...

i think that will recede over time. remember you're the same person you have been all along. on one level, the diagnosis is just a name for how you are, and a term that can provide a guide for treatment and a way for you to learn more about what's going on inside you... and a way to find places like MDJ, where there are others who can relate!

i know what you mean about boredom. long before i was diagnosed, i was known for saying "i can handle everything BUT being bored and 8 years after being diagnosed, that remains true.

there's a couple of things i've found that help with that.

one is gardening- the physical side is great for burning up energy, fresh air, etc... what is also great is the meditative aspect of it- observing the changes, the birds and bees, etc i find very centering. and then there's eating fresh food you've raised yourself!

the other is art- these days it's writing and photography. they combine a need to focus, revealing myself to myself, "explaining" myself to others and are NEVER boring. one can always do them better!

medical professionals and medication can help you get a handle on your self and your behaviours... but when it comes to that horrible feeling of boredom, it's good to be pro-active and not be too dependent on others...

good luck, and welcome....

Welcome, so glad to hear you and your pdoc have a diagnosis and you have meds, Lamictal is great and it is a slow ramp up with dosage to make sure you do not have a svere reaction,you would not miss it it is a rash and in many cases difficulty breathing, G-d forbid it happens get to an er immediately. Now that I scared you lamicatal is great as others have said as a mood stabilizer and antidpressant.It will seem like forever for the dosage to kick in as they slowly increase the dose, DO NOT be discouraged. You will egt to a good place in time as your pdoc finds your personal cocktail.

Keep your chin up and you have already passed the hardest part of this process a diagnosis acceptance and consent for treatment, Congrats! you are on your way to a better place.