Bipolar Type II Support Group

I'm really hoping for some help with this problem and I just don't know what is happening with me. If it's the start of another downward spiral I don't know what I will do. I've spent ten years being treated because I'm treatment resistant and if all I'm going to get out of it is half a year of stability now and then things don't look to rosy to me.

I'm in the midst of trying to get funding for an education to change jobs and I spend the entire day with nothig else on my mind but that and the things that can happen. I entice the poeple left in my social circle into talking about nothing more than what is worrying me and I have endless energy to worry about things I have no control over and yet late at night when I'm not sleeping my high becomes a low and this situation seems to turn into nothing more than another in a long line of terrible disappointments for me. My demeanor changes and I am withdrawn and morose for a few hours until my mind can ramp back up into its hyper cycle and around the dirty circle I go again. I can't place this feeling and it worries me that i may be on the brink of another spiral downward only because of the pressure I put on myself to move things along that can only go as fast as they can go. It's not fast enough for me. I NEED to be doing something about this and yet I am left angered with an impotent rage that I take out on myself, telling myself that it wouldn't be so hard if I wasn't so screwed up in the first place. Hence the late day or night slip into semi depression that keeps me up again. I'm living on about two or three hours or sleep a night and fear the outcome of all of this while I try to act reasonable and sane. I'm not sure how long I can pretend to be feeling normal and stable when I spend my time alone talking to myself to pump myself up or to tear myself down.

Would you all say this is typical of hypomania or of rapid cycling or both or is it sign of a psychotic break instead? Right now I'm too wound up and bound up to make the call and I just wonder where I'm headed.

I have been normally stable for about seven months before this trip of mine began.

Any ideas out there as to what this could be?

Post edited by: camjayman, at: 03/26/2012 10:04 PM

It sounds like you have a lot on your mind. No wonder you have a problem sleeping. Do you have OCD? The constant worrying is taking over your life it seems. This could be rapid cycling, but I'm not a doctor. It could just be your worrying. I'm sure your mind gets tired of constantly thinking about things that worry you. I tend to worry a lot too, but I tell myself that I can't worry about things beyond my control. There is absolutely nothing you can do about the situation, so why do this to myself. When you can't control something, it's out of your hands and you need to realize this. You need to be kind to yourself. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. I know that is easier said than done. I would suggest a therapist if you don't have one for coping skills and someone professionally trained to give you advice. It seems you are obsessing what you have no control over and that isn't healthy. Only getting 3 hours of sleep a night isn't good either. That would be a sign of hypo-mania. You could be headed in that direction. Talk with your psychiatrist about this. He can help. I hope this gets better for you soon.

Thanks Joy,

my psychiatrist has never mentioned OCD to me but I do suffer from a lot of anxiety. We've been working on my terrible sleep pattern for about nine years now with no success but he's never mentioned OCD to me. I do suffer from a lot of anxiety though and I'm treatment resistant so it's hard to do a quick fix.

Thanks for giving me something to think about. I worry more about going straight into a manic state now than a hypomanic one. I'm pretty sure that I'm already rapid cycling and with this much stress I may respond by becoming manic so that I can deal with my worries 24/7. I hope I can take the crash that follows.

I have similar patterns of rapid cycling and I also use the manic to deal with the stress. My pdoc attributes it to what he calls an "obsessive compulsive personality." I don't know much about it, except for I don't have a limit for good enough, which puts my self esteem in the gutter and makes me hate myself for not being able to do better. The expectations I set for myself cause anxiety, and the anxiety triggers mania. Maybe none of that resonates with you, but I just thought I'd share because I have similar symptoms. I hope things get better for you soon.