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03/15/2012 04:03 PM

My ping pong mood

upliftedPosts: 285

My mood is playing like a ping pong lately. My highs are a speed, wild and fast beat spiral that drop me viciously to the ground exhausted and lifeless. My lows are a big black void full of fear and despair. I dont want to die, but i just dont want to be. I tell myself its a lie, life is fun, life is good, you will soon feel better, but its like talking a different language to my mind. Then my low is gone and the world suddenly has a different face.

I finally came out clean and talked about it with my therapist and pdoc. I have a feeling they do not take me seriously. Maybe they dont trust me??. Maybe they see it as attention seeking? Maybe they think i am looking to medicate myself? or maybe i am just imagining. Either way, I am suffering. I am afraid to live the rest of my life this way.


03/15/2012 07:56 PM
Posts: 16598
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That sounds exhausting with the moods you are going through right now. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. I'm glad you told your doctors about what you are feeling. I think they should do something. They should not think that you are seeking attention. They need to take care of your symptoms. You need to be stern and tell them that what is going on with you isn't working. You are suffering and it's not right. They are there to help you get better and that is what they should be doing. You don't have to live this way the rest of your life. There are better times for you ahead. Don't give in to the bipolar. You can beat this beast.

03/16/2012 02:13 AM

I go through daily cycles, it can be a nightmare. Are yours predictable? My hypomania always occurs at the same time so I sort of plan for it--or brace myself for it. And with my suicidal Depression I just tell myself that it will pass, it won't last forever--I also tell myself that even though I feel like I want to kill myself when Depressed, it's not really true--I just want to be healthy and live a stable life.

03/16/2012 06:18 AM
Posts: 81

That's rapid cycling. And I know it very well. I feel the same way and would love to have an answer to it, why it happens, and if its really just biological. I'm on meds and it still happens.

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