Bipolar Type II Support Group

Well this whole new journey began for when the most wonderful man in the world told me on the 15 of August that he needed a break from me, that is was all too much to handle-the anger, irratibility, lashing out episodes,negativity, verbal abuse for no reason, always feeling like he had to walk on egg shells around me because he never knew what would set me off and needs to be alone for awhile after 3 yrs of being together. He is without a doubt a wonderful saint of a human being who saw me through many health problems i.e. Thryoid surgery and did nothing but love me unconditionally and worried about me all the time. Before all this he used to call me Ms. Sunshine-I have never been the same since my Thyroid problems began then Thyroid surgery on Jan 4, 2010 (Mayo Clinic). I've known/constantly felt something has not been right with me mentally and emotionally and told him that many times. He suggested that I talk to someone to seek guidance and I said I would but then I was too bust with my career/current project and didn't have time to make an appt. Since the breakup I immediately scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist and began therapy and as of Friday evening (2 Sept) the dr has determined that I have Bipolar II and has started me on Abilify. During this time of learning about this my ex and I have been speaking beause he is a caring person and wants me to get well. He is shocked/surprised by this diagnose because he said he thought that "everything that was happening was simply who I was and saw the anger/episodes/mood swings trending upward overtime and thought this will never change" and didn't want a life/future like this. Currently due to work assignment we do not live in the same state and will not be back until 1 Oct. He states that he loves me but in a different way because he has so much hurt and just wants me to get. I'm struggling with this because he is the love of my life and I have destroyed everything not knowing until now that I've had bipolar and probably for a while but kicked in since my Thyroid problems. I tried to stay focused on my wellness but I can't stop thinking about me ex and the hurt I have caused and if I had been diagnosed sooner that we would have understood and could have avoided this terrible situation/pain. Additionally, he emailed yesterday and told me he is proud of me and admires for dealing with this. Its very overwhelming. Please help.

Post edited by: msbipolar, at: 09/04/2011 06:29 AM

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Relationships have always been hard for me too. It is very easy to turn it all inward believing you are the reason for your loss. Try to remember that you do have an illness and that it is not YOU who is doing these things. A really good book that has helped me tremendously is "Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder" written by Julie Fast and John Preston. Knowing more about the disorder helps so much with helping yourself live with it. I also do a biweekly therapy session with a psychotherapist, it takes a while for them to get to know you but once they do they become so helpful and essential to your healthcare team. I hope things start to get better for you. Please read that book, it is so powerful and inspiring.

thank you for your thoughts and kind words of support.

My story is similar but different. I had a girlfriend of about five years in my case, very understanding of my bipolar and trying to stand behind me when I was down but finally she gave me an ultimatum that if I wasn't better in two years we might as well break up. I told her that this disease doesn't have a timetable and that I don't respond well to threats and we broke up that same day. I suppose it can seem that you have a partner who is with you all the way and then one day find out it isn't quite so. We are still friends of a sort but there is no love now to hold us together and it is a huge loss to me but I try not to let it bring me down. Anything can happen with this disease I suppose, and the people in our lives that it touches as well. One day is happy go lucky and the next things are gone in a flash.

I feel for you and hope you can work things out in a better fashion than myself and my girlfriend did, though in reality I don't blame her for wanting out. It has to be hard to live with someone who is suffering from bipolar as well as pain oriented problems like I am. With you it was your thyroid, with me - pain. That secondary thing makes the bipolar that much worse I think and drives a wedge between people.

I have a husband that tries to understand... even though he can't possibly until he's walked in my shoes. It is great to have support, and I'm sorry that the BP diagnoses came later, rather than earlier when you might have been able to work it out. I believe if he stood by you through all that you've said, that there is still hope now. You guys just need to work toward understanding BP... I think learning about it together will bring you closer. It doesn't sound like he is willing to abandon you, and I truly believe if you can have an open dialogue about your diagnoses, it will explain many things that have happened in the past and allow the two of you to move forward. I hope it works out.

Hugs,

My ex looks at me differently because of BP II. In some ways, good. Other ways, not always good. We had a VERY turbulent history (as he has PTSD) so we both did some pretty awful things to each other. Even with all that, he's still around. We still communicate and we try to support one another. It sounds crazy, but this has opened both of our eyes to things in us (respectively) that need to change. So we focus on ourselves mainly and then deal with each other when we feel stable. So far, so good. We're not looking to get back together but since we're both out here in a different state away from all family, we still try to support each other.

All that to say, focus on your recovery and stay in touch if he's willing. As you move forward, it's his choice on what he wants to do, but what you can do is just be patient, both with yourself and him. As time passes, perhaps let him know you still care/love him and would like to work it out. Maybe invite him to a therapy session if you think that's a good idea and he's open to it (and your therapist approves). Above all, don't beat yourself up about things you didn't know. You know now and it's a good thing because you can now deal with it in a positive way.

I hope you're doing well and we're here if you need to talk

This hits so close to home for me. My husband of 3 years left me quite unexpectedly just one week ago. I went out for the day with my daughter and came home to find all of his things gone. His letter stated he was frustrated, irritated, angry, and fed up. He claimed he never told me about his irritations because he was afraid of what my response might be. The problem with that BS excuse is, I've never had a breakdown since we've been together (5 years). I never hid that I was bipolar2. I did go off my meds for 1 year because I hated my doc and then just couldn't bring myself to get a new one. I felt fine for a long time, and the depression didn't hit me badly until the beginning of this year. I've been back on the meds for 5 months now. To top it off, he's withdrawing financial support and I have been unemployed for 9 months (unemployed teacher) even though I've sent out over 900 applications. He said he just couldn't wait any longer to leave. I didn't even know he was unhappy. Needless to say, I am crushed, and getting through each day is a challenge. I saw my doc, got my antidepressant increased and added Lorazipam, and I'm just trying to stay busy. My friends have spent some time with me, just to help me not dwell on my fears. My doc recommended therapy as well, but I haven't made the call yet. I hope it helps you to know you're not alone, and having gone through an ugly divorce 6 years ago (ex- blamed my bipolar2 even though I'd been stable for 6 years at that point), you CAN make it through this. It just hurts like hell right now.