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08/10/2011 12:38 PM

Not sure how I can make it through the day...

allyfant
allyfant  
Posts: 1094
Senior Member

Hi everyone...I woke up with crushing anxiety this morning. I thought it was getting better - Monday was ok, and yesterday not so bad. But this morning, my stomach is aching, I have diarrhea and my anxiety is just crushing me. Last friday I had a complete meltdown and my husband was ready to drive me to the hospital.

I feel so bad, but on top of everything I feel so guilty. I never put myself first -- always work, my husband, my extended family. I feel like I just have to keep going, but it is excruciatingly hard to do so. I was raised to put everything/everyone before myself.

Anyone else ever feel guilty? Why is it so hard to take care of myself during this time?

Luckily I have a pdoc appointment today and will need to insist on something for this anxiety. Otherwise, he'll be visiting me in the hospital for our next appointment.

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08/10/2011 12:57 PM
mem4809

I really wish you could try to put yourself first. I have learnt to and it is really hard at first because people expect us to act differently, but then if feels good. My husband also justifies my actions too by standing up for me and my illness--knowing that others don't understand. Maybe your husband can join you at a session? I'm a real giver so I do know how you feel. The guilt never goes away but it subsides and then you learn others can take care of themselves or go elsewhere for support.

08/10/2011 01:30 PM
allyfant
allyfant  
Posts: 1094
Senior Member

Thanks Janna! My husband is actually very supportive. The problem is that I am the main financial support for our family and it has been hard to take care of myself and work at the same time, especially since work is aggravating and acting as a trigger for my anxiety. I just want to take a break from it all, but feel like I just can't. Of course, the reality is that my job is not important as my health, but that idea is so foreign to me that it is really sickening (literally).

08/10/2011 03:07 PM
mem4809

I do understand as I am the main income in my household to and I have cut my income in half as I was burning out...it's been quite an adjustment but we are managing.

08/10/2011 05:44 PM
danzig621
danzig621  
Posts: 174
Member

i feel guilty all of the time. Sad

08/10/2011 07:32 PM
bluenotebook
Posts: 5
New Member

I can certainly relate. I've lived most of my life with crushing guilt. I wish you the best.

08/10/2011 07:46 PM
Bangbang
Bangbang  
Posts: 7153
VIP Member

I live with alot of guilt too. I was diagnosed Bioplar Mixed in 1997. I feel bad that I put my family through hell with my drinking and many things that I have done in my life. I was diagnosed when I was 23 but could not accept it for various reasons. The disorder did not take me down till 1997 and thats when I accepted it

08/12/2011 05:07 AM
Bangbang
Bangbang  
Posts: 7153
VIP Member

I am a money spender too but hsve msnsged to put my youngest boy in a University. He is doing very well.

08/12/2011 01:49 PM
mem2427

I have a hard time putting me first also. When I was first diagnosed I really should have been hospitalized, but I pushed myself through it almost to a point that was harmful to me because I couldn't just leave the kids and my hubby alone they needed me. Luckily I made it through that, but I probably would have gotten meds right a lot sooner if I could have just let it go.

I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. Be gentle with yourself and take care of you!


08/13/2011 02:32 AM
InvisibleMe
InvisibleMe  
Posts: 3203
Senior Member

I have GAD. My work is a trigger, too, and I feel the same way about it as you. I can't quit right now because there are no jobs in the area to switch to that may be less stressful. Is there a job that is not stressful out there?? If you find out, let me know.
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