Bipolar Type II Support Group

I have been feeling kind of lonely lately. It is of course worst when I am a little down, which I guess I am. I never know if lonely leads to down, or down leads to lonely. Any takers?

I am wondering how "out" you are about your bipolar to family and friends? My husband, parents, brother, cousin, aunt and a few friends know about my diagnosis (in addition to tdoc and pdoc of course). My mom will verrrrry occasionally bring it up, but she sometimes says things that suggest that she doesn't like my being on Seroquel. Well, me neither!! Not helpful. And other than that, no one mentions it. So I feel silent and ashamed about it.

I do have one friend who has had depression for 20 some years and just recently was re-diagnosed BPII. So we have a lot to talk about! But we only talk a couple of times a month.

I have an IRL bipolar I/II support group 2x/month. So that is a good thing too, and I can come here, and my tdoc is wonderful. So I know I am ahead of the game!! But I still feel kind of left alone with this thing. I also have the zillion years of very low self-esteem that makes it hard for me to talk to IRL people openly. I am good at small talk though. I'm not really sure what I WANT in my relationships, maybe that should be the starting point. I guess I just want to have more friends AND enjoy them!

Anyway, I'm not sure what my point is, I just wanted to share and see if others have gone thru the same thing.

herenow

herenow,

I understand what you mean; being alone in a room full of people.

My immediate family knows; they only bring it up when I do. Maybe you don't talk about it enough? Just a thought. I am very "out" at work which has become a mixed blessing.

I think from time to time, BP or not, we all go through a phase of feeling lonely. I think it's really hard sometimes for those of us with BP that our emotions can be just about being human and nothing necessarily to do with BP.

I agree with Colleen as far as the BP or not deal in feeling lonely sometimes. My immediate fam knows as well as my grandmother that is alive.

My nana (her nick name) saw me when I was having a major depressive episode while my last p-doc was going back/forth talking w/ me and my mom (she sucked to a certain extent b/c she felt the need to tell my mom about my plan; very stupid move!) and threatened that if I didn't go the hospital, she would send out the police to get me. I had to call her when I got there.

Once admitted in the ER, I changed my mind and wanted to leave; that's when I was certified by two p-docs and taken to a psych facility. That was my first/last hospital stay.

A few of my friends (some of which weren't surprised b/c they saw my "manic" behavior the most), the neighbor across the street b/c his son is BP and in the past shot himself (my mom was there at the scene to help out) and his part of the brain that gets you in sink with social behavior is gone and he still has fragments of the bullet in his brain, but if they did anymore surgery; that would cause more brain damage.

He is disabled for the rest of his life.

He is a very interesting person, but unfortunately b/c of the brain injury, he is not able to control his thoughts. He will speak anything he is thinking at the time. Later on, his father was informed that I have the disorder too (my mom told him, but made sure I was okay with that before hand).

I was ok w/it especially b/c this neighbor's son experiences similar symptoms.

As for your mom having a problem w/you taking Seroquel, I wonder if she has a problem with the medication or you being on it. My mom hates the fact that I take so many meds (this is the most I've taken-4) and she worries what the meds will do to my body down the road.

I can see her point of view. At the same token, I may need to take meds the rest of my life. Very few BP's can function entirely w/o meds.

Sorry this is so damn long, I tend to write books, LOL!

Post edited by: SassyJessy, at: 12/22/2008 15:58

Post edited by: SassyJessy, at: 12/22/2008 16:00

I don't know if it is the time of year or what, but I've had a pretty bad case of loneliness lately. I'm "out" to everyone in my family, but since I am the caretaker of an 89 year old grandfather and a 90 year old great-aunt (my Grandmother's sister), it's hard to really explain to them what is going on. My Grandfather lives in assisted living (finally moved him there in November) but my great-aunt lives with me. She tends to be very ego-centric, so it's hard to get her into my therapist to have her explain to my aunt what is going on.

Two weeks ago, I had my aunt go with me since my latest episode has been so harsh and long. Of course, my aunt started talking about how "horrible" my Grandfather has always been to her and how much she misses her brother. All are valid points, but she's refused to go to a therapist or anyone else to talk to for that matter. Simply put, that therapy session that was supposed to be used to explain to her what was going on with me was not used for the intended purpose.

My husband is incredibly supportive, but he has his own issues. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been diagnosed with depression. He has quite a few other issues involved, and recently our pdoc changed his antidepressant, so he's in the "valley" between meds right now. He's really been great though with this latest episode, asking me "what can I do to help you right now?" instead of blowing me off.

My close friends all know that I'm bipolar - anyone who knows me knows that I'm an open book. Maybe I'm too open, I don't know, but if they can't accept me for what I am, I guess they aren't a true friend. That's a tough pill to swallow for me sometimes.

My Mom lives 2000 miles away and I don't have any brothers or sisters, and my husband's family isn't in the picture. It does get really lonely from time to time, and like you said, I too need to get out and make some new friends, but it's so darn hard. Very self-conscious and have a low self-esteem. If you lived close I'd say lets meet up at the mall and just start introducing ourselves to complete strangers (just kidding!).

I hope I helped a bit... I'm a tad manic right now and staying on topic isn't my forte when I'm in this state of mind...

I've been feeling lonely lately, too. It might be something about the time of the year? You asked if lonely leads to down, or if down leads to lonely. My experience has been that most of the time lonely leads to down. But if I am having a depressive stage I don't want to be around people and I am bad at socializing so I get lonely. What about you? What do you think comes first - lonely or down?

I am fairly open about BP. My family and close friends know. And if someone confides in me that they are depressed and/or have BP I tell them I have it.

I hope you feel less lonely in the coming weeks!

Thanks everyone! I just think it's hard and lonely for me to lead a "double life." I have always been seemingly very calm and competent with all the anx/dep turmoil I had going inside. But I was so closed and ashamed that I didn't let anyone know. So then I get a diagnosis and I decide for once in my life to share my struggles. And b/c I was so calm and competent before, I don't think people really believe me! I haven't shared about my cutting or near-suicidal feelings at times but why should I if they can't even hear the diagnosis??

My "best" friend is really ignoring it. She just kind of ignores anything I say about it and doesn't ask about it. The other day I e-mailed her we weren't going to be able to visit her at this time of year though we usually do. I also asked her about Marya Hornbacher who just wrote a book (very intense book) about her bipolar. Her dh grew up with Marya and I met her at their wedding (don't remember though). She replied to the not visiting but not the Marya question. Whatever.

Okay, gotta go get the kids to school. Sorry to dump yet more. I am just so grateful to be able to come here, also I see my tdoc in an hour.

herenow

No need to apologize for that (dump) herenow. You can feel free to vent whenever you want.

Thanks, Jessy. It's really nice to have a place to turn. I saw my tdoc this morning which is sooooo helpful but it's only for an hour every 1-2 weeks. Do you folks have tdocs and do you find it helpful? It is huge for me, esp. because she was there before, during and after my BPII diagnosis.

herenow

I feel alone constantly, herenow. I live with 8 people! All family! Yet I feel alone.

There is no one who really understands what's going on with me. My father ignores my mental-ness for the most part. My mom tried to understand but she found it too tasking. My sisters ignore the issue for the most part. My grandparents are too far gone mentally to comprehend. Strokes and dementia will do that.

Ugh. Loneliness. I'm feeling it now.

Therapy is helpful... but I'm still missing something.

Anyway, I understand. :

No one understands me either. My husband, his parents, and my parents know, and my one true best friend. They are all really ignorant to what it is that I really have. I think maybe they don't trust the diagnosis because what they think of as bipolar is someone who is in and out of the hospital, talking out of their head, and stuff like that. With the BP II, I don't have any of that. They all just think I am depressed I guess. that's why I come here, for the understanding I guess. It is very hard not to feel alone when you want your loved ones to understand you, but it seems they never will, or they just want to ignore it and maybe it will go away. They all think that I will take the meds for a while and then be better and be able to get off them and problem solved. See, ignorant…