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03/16/2011 12:08 PM

Feel so vulnerable


I forgot to take my meds at 5 am this morning the way I normally do. Was feeling indecribably f---ed up by 2 when I finally realized. After that I just broke down as I realize how dysfunctional and screwed up my brain is without those little pills. I have been having a hard time accepting that I am BP and this just made me crumple to the ground. Has anyone else had this expereince. I hate it so much and can't stop crying and now I am soooo behind on my work.

Steve got mad at me because I said that he doesn't understand as I truly feel that he can't if he has never been a medication that messes up or fixzes your brain.


03/16/2011 12:24 PM
Posts: 224

Janna, sometimes these things happen and we just need to chalk it up to shit happens. Steve will not get how devestating it is. It completely turns you upside down and nothing seems to be right.the relationship we have with our meds is intense and we are lost with out them.Take a deep breath, regroup, take your meds, if you are unsure call your will be alright you will find your way through this, a big hug, you are not alone

03/16/2011 12:27 PM
Posts: 14316
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Oh Janna, Yes, I've had this experience. Except I'm usually so flaky and such a space cadet that by the time I realize I've forgotten my meds, I've already had a major meltdown. Then I break down all over again because I'm such an idiot, I can't manage to remember to open a cupboard door in the morning where I have all the meds organized and lined up and ready to go. And the rest of the day is literally a waste because my brain is so fuzzy by then it just doesn't recover enough for me to get anything done.... So, Janna, yes, I do the same thing. It's not your fault that your brain needs these meds. And please don't feel alone. {{{HUGS}}}

03/16/2011 12:35 PM
Posts: 577

Everyone can laugh but I use one of those plastic containers marked for morning and afternoon days of the week pill compartments to help me remember what I have to take when. If I didn't do that I would always forget to take them. It is sobering to finally have it sink in that you have to be on medication and forever. But after fighting the diagnosis for many years I now see that I do better with the meds. Don't be too hard on yourself. We've all missed a pill or two; especially if you have to take a combination of pills. Try to find something or some way that will help you remember.

03/16/2011 12:40 PM

Thanks everyone, I do feel that my day is lost and I feel lost too. I just can't get over how I can fall apart like this so quickly and so suddenly. I do use a pill sorter and keep it right by the kitchen sink, but just forgot...this is the 2nd time in 3 weeks and I don't know what's going on. It is just so scary. I am glad you guys understand me, I feel so alone otherwise.

03/16/2011 12:51 PM

I also feel as though I am what my meds make me to be...I am nothing without them, depressed and suicidal all of the time and I just hate it. When will I ever come to terms with this???

03/16/2011 01:21 PM
Posts: 16594
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I forgot my medication yesterday and I rarely forget them. I remembered on my way to work. I ended up getting to work and telling my co-workers that I had to go home to take my medication. Went back home and took them, then back to work I went. I felt like it was a complete waste of a trip. If only I had remembered. We all do this Janna. Don't worry about it. You aren't alone. You will come to terms with this in time. You are having a hard time with this right now, but you won't always. Things will get easier. The idea is still so new to you in your head. Yes, we do have to take these medications for the rest of our lives, but they do make us feel better. I'm very thankful for them. I hope you feel better soon. I understand what you are going through. I've forgotten to take a pill before and went through withdrawals. It was horrible. We are here for you, keep posting and let us know how you are feeling.

03/16/2011 06:44 PM

I know, I love my pill sorter, it helps me stay on track and every day I get to open the next compartment that will help me feel better, very grateful for all of that.

It is good to focus on what you have control over, like taking your pills now, unfortunately others will not understand just like we do not understand what it means not to have these issues. People are just not educated and say things about just getting a grip, pills are bad for you, and other comments that only hurt.

Since my hypomania about three weeks ago I have been anxious constantly and more and more depressed. I just crumple to the ground crying now and then when I think about my son, I am so delicate, I am doing a good job of not watching the news and avoiding anything else that causes stress that I don't have to deal with. I am so glad I have support to feel courageous enough to call and deal with issues that could turn ugly if I do not deal with them so this is helping to avoid stress.

You hang in there, Tomorrow will be a different day.


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