Bipolar Type II Support Group

So my great aunt just passed away, it was a blessing because she was barely surviving for the past 3 years (and she is 98) in a hospital.

So I am not good with death ever since my Dad died. I just have floods of memories and the worst time in my life was having to sit shiva (Jewish) for days after. Anyway I am expected to help out a lot at my mom's place over the few days but I can't really handle it. I am feeling very vulnerable after just being stable for ten days and I am terrified that this will put me over the edge. Everyone will understand except my sister who can be very cruel/hurtful...let's just say in the past 2 weeks I had 2 nightmares that she was trying to kill me!--out of the blue.

I guess I am just looking for support because I am in such a delicate state and am afraid of losing it. My Father's death traumatized me and still does today. His whole illness deeply scarred me.

Janna

Janna, I think you need to do what is best for you, so if that means staying at home then I would recommend that. Pushing yourself will only end up hurting you and not helping anyone else. I hope that the rest of your family can be supportive of your decision to do what is the best for you and that you can avoid your cruel sister so you do not have to deal with her treatment of you.

I am sorry for this loss in your life and I hope that you are able to take the time you need to grieve and deal with the loss.

Hugs!

Nicole

Thank you Nicole. I am going to the funeral and then back to my mom's house, but they expect me to be there 12 hours a day and I can't do that. And my eating has been pretty messed up lately so I don't want them to see that either and start worrying about me. I get so anxious around family meals I just burst out crying sometimes--during the meal. A lot of that is my mood cycles too but they are my #1 trigger. It's hard not to feel guilty. Steve supports me but then he's biased.

I am glad you have a plan and that your husband is supportive of it and you. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Thanks. Unfortunately I feel myself spiraling down already. It's like there is no in between for me. I wish I could be stronger, I feel like such a child letting this tumble me down.

Do what you feel you can do and you don't need to feel any guilt about it. You can only do what you can do. You have the support of your husband and your mom knows you can only handle so much. Don't sacrifice your stability. I'm very sorry for your loss in your family. Death can be very hard to deal with. With the family meals, don't go to it. It's unsettling for you and you don't need to be going through that. You will get through this, just do as you can and do no more.

Thank you for your support everyone, it really helps me. I will try and turn things around before they get out of control.

You come first, Janna. Keep telling yourself that. Don't sacrifice yourself and your stability for your family. It's easy to fall into patterns of feeling like a child when you're with your family, but you're an adult now and you have control over your actions. Don't let them treat you like a child. It's hard to break those patterns - I'm struggling with that, too, at the moment. But in this case you are #1.

The funeral was yesterday and I seemed to have abandoned all of my coping skills since then. I could handle the funeral but what I didn't think about was going back to my mom's house for the week of mourning--the last time we did that was for my father's passing, which I am still traumatized by. Then my cousing starts talking to me about how awful Dad's death was and how for months she came to the house and never knew if it would be the last time she saw him (he chose to die at home). It was too much for me and now I am not going back for even a little bit because I just can't take it emotionally. I've just been so depressed this week and can't seem to get back on my feet. It's been 11 years and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I hate it.

Since it's too much for you, I would stay away as much as you can. They should understand with what you have to deal with. I'm very sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. If you need to talk about it, you can message me anytime. Know that we are all here for you and we care will do anything we can to make you feel better. Big hugs to you. I hope you can get back on your feet again soon.