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10/04/2010 06:33 AM

numb to my core

luna87
luna87  
Posts: 79
Member

when i woke up today i was stressed coz i only had like a 4 hours sleep, i was studying the rest of the time for a 9:30am test. woke up, did the usual and then on my way to campus i couldnt get a taxi. i had written the time, date and venue of the test on a post-it, but in my mind the he wiers didnt work well and i had rushed of tomorrow's test today. wrote a test last week and got 0% coz i saved in the wrong folder on the

PC.

MY LIFE IS FALLING APPART ALL AROUND ME AND I'M TRYING PICK UP THE PEICES BUT I CANT GRASP THEM.

i'm not depressed just numb. so numb that i want to sleep and turn into dust, or with my luck into mould.

i'm so jealous of the people laughing and talking around me. they dont know how good they have it

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10/04/2010 12:42 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16686
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Sorry you were stressed. No sleep is no goo. It sounds like you procrastinated a little. So your test wasn't until tomorrow then? That is a bummer for you. It sounds like you need to see your psychiatrist to get things straightened out with you. You say you are numb, is that like flat, no emotions? It is very hard dealing with people happy and enjoying life around us when we are having a hard time. I hope this gets easier for you and you are better functioning. Things will look up for you. It's good that you are posting. It gets things off your chest and it will make you feel a little bit better at least. Keep posting. We'll listen.

10/05/2010 03:32 AM
luna87
luna87  
Posts: 79
Member

its not that i procrastinate, just that my brain cannot keep things in, i forget things five minutes after being told, lack motivation and have a very bad short term memory. a month ago my psychiatrist wrote a letter to my letter to put me under special needs for tests and exams. but no matter how much i study the work seems new on the test paper.

i have no idea how the test went today coz i was working on auto pilot.

anyhow. thank u joy for the advice


10/05/2010 05:33 AM
Moonbaby
Moonbaby  
Posts: 577
Member

I hope today goes better. I am the same way about the memory thing. I can't remember anything it seems like. It's embarrassing when I'm asked a question about my case load and if I don't have the folder in front of me to look it up I just can't remember anything about it--and I can just have been working on it the day before. Ugh--hate it. I know it's partly aging and partly meds but still it's horrible. It sounds to me like you are a little depressed. Have you talked with your pdoc recently to discuss how you are doing? I know what you mean--I get "jealous" of others and their ability to deal with things well and to be relatively happy but also it makes me cherish the times I am feeling better all the more. Hang in there. You're in my prayers,

10/05/2010 05:38 AM
positivecreation
 
Posts: 19
Member

I can sypathize with the way you feel when you look around and everybody seems to have it all together. I constantly look around at people and try to figure out how others are feeling. I see happiness, confidence, and ease while I myself am feeling insecure, worthless and scared. BTW, on the outside I appear to have it all together and seem rather accomplished, but on the inside, I'm a scared, lonely girl.

I know what you mean when you make careless mistakes or wish you'd planned a better plan. I feel bad about myself when I know that even though my intentions might be right, my brain seems to "give out." I don't know about how your brain works, but mine works intself into exhaustion by dread, racing negative thoughts, fear, and reasoning and analyzing that it leaves little room for action. I've always said that I "process information" slower than most. I've always felt as if my brain stops working. BTW, I have poor short term memory, can't seem to pay attention for a long period of time and all of this affects my self esteem. I think I have an issue with possible ADD. I plan on exploring that with my pdoc at my next appointment.


10/05/2010 06:19 AM
skullhappy
skullhappy  
Posts: 743
Member

Yes I too know how you feel. It's like we got cheated out of years of our lives. I don't know about you, but I want those years back! It's heartbreaking to see others enjoying life when you can't. It puts us at such a disadvantage! It's not fair, but life isn't fair.

10/07/2010 12:11 AM
luna87
luna87  
Posts: 79
Member

Thank you all of your replys, just makes me feel more 'together' when I get advice from people who know what you are talking about. my pdoc did say something about ADD being linked with depression but it wasnt this bad before, i'm making an appointment asap so he can see if he can maybe twick with my pills and doses.

once again, THANX

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