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08/28/2010 08:39 PM

Husband a major trigger

Jasmine22
Jasmine22  
Posts: 177
Member

Yes, my moods have been bouncing around like scatter-plot. I am very aware and I am trying. Sometimes I fall short. I realized that my home life is a huge trigger. My husband will attempt to try and then snaps (mainly when I cry for no reason, when I feel helpless). It is ugly and irrational to him. I feel a blanket of security and then lost in a dark world of chaos. I decided to take a long break and hangout with a friend for a few days. I need some time away to make some connection with understanding how much of my environment is toxic. I did talk him into couples counseling along with my own personal therapist. He said he will hate whoever works with us, because they will just side with me. Doesn't him making a statement like this announce some guilt on his treatment of me. I'm feeling okay today. I had a few bad moments, but I have been reaching out to more supportive people. This has helped. I will drink my tea and write and hopefully find some sleep tonight. Thanks and love you all!
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08/28/2010 08:54 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16593
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

The moods bouncing all over the place can't be feeling good. I'm sorry your husband is playing the security blanket and lost game with you. That is very tiring in the least and plays with your emotions deeply. Taking a break was a good idea. I'm glad you talked him into couples therapy. I hope he realizes what he does to you. It does sound like he has some guilt on how he treats you. Reaching out to more supportive people is a good thing. I sure hope you get some good sleep tonight. We'll be here for you. Please update us on your progress. Your husband does sound like a big trigger in your life.

08/28/2010 09:53 PM
hedap
 
Posts: 2012
Senior Member

Jasmine,

I'm glad that you had a friend that could be there for you when you needed a dif. environment. How educated is your husband about your condition? The reason I ask is sometimes mates feel like they are somehow responsible for our happiness and feel a loss of control. I think it's a great idea to do the counseling together. He may just need encocuragement that this is not an attack on him, but a session to learn coping mechanisms and improve communication. My mate is BP1 and I have to say, initially, I really didn't understand a lot of the moods he went through. I interpreted it that he didn't love me or was mad at me about something. It took counseling and education to adjust to the changes in our marriage. It can be done. It sounds like you're really hurting and angry right now. I hope your mood lightens and that you are able to work together bring back the love and respect you once felt for each other. Good luck and keep in touch. xxx hedap


08/29/2010 04:17 AM
Jasmine22
Jasmine22  
Posts: 177
Member

My husband attended a workshop to know more. He was really hopeful, or so it appeared, after learning more. He gets these glimpses of hope, then they just fade. I've been told I made his life too heavy. He feels like he can't enjoy his life because of me. He's changed and so have I. We both want each other back to the way we used to be, it's the one thing we can agree on. I don't think he really wants to learn anymore, b/c he is honestly sick of hearing about it. I wanted to set-up rules bw us to make things better; ways he can communicate better and things that I can work on controlling better. I don't know if anyone has any suggestions? I say mean things and I don't want to, but it's painful to watch someone who is supposed to love you become so emotionally numb and careless. He pretends like whatever I do, it doesn't matter. I am a little lost and I cling too much some days, bc nothing seems to fill my empty cup up. I want him to know I am in here and I am trying...I want to get out. I ended up getting two hours of sleep last night. I'm going to do some yoga, it brings me some peace (much needed peace). I have a lot of plans today, trying to stay away from myself.

08/29/2010 08:46 AM
Moonbaby
Moonbaby  
Posts: 577
Member

I think it's very positive that he attended the workshop. It takes us awhile to change even if we are very motivated to do so. A great book is Loving Someone with Bipolar Illness. It not only explains the illness but ways your partner can help you stay well. I am praying for the two of you to get back to that place you both want. Lots of Hugs,

08/29/2010 08:51 AM
BrokenEagle
BrokenEagle  
Posts: 148
Member

My husband didn't understand at all at 1st especially before I was dx correctly BP2. Before it was major depression and GAD. I tried talking to him but he doesn't talk when I try to have a conversation or when we fight it's very 1 sided and that just makes it worse. But the one time he did say something about it was that he didn't understand because anytime he had a problem or was worried about something (his idea of anxiety) he just worked it out himself in his head. When I got so depressed that I was planing a way to kill myself I knew I needed help. I didn't tell him that I was going to go to therapy and starting on meds until after I had gone a couple times. Then when I did tell him and I told him about the meds he got mad that they kept increasing the dose. I tried to explain that they have to start low and work their way up but he didn't like that. It wasn't until he went to school to become a LPN that he understood any of it and things got a lot better. I guess sometimes they have to find a way that helps them understand in their own way. No matter how much I tried to educate him he just didn't get it. Maybe your husband just needs a different way of being educated, a way that will make sense to him. Remember that we all learn our own way and it sounds to me like he just hasn't found a way that works for him. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I know it is hard. PM me any time.
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