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07/31/2010 06:08 PM

my trigger may be my best friend

skullhappy
skullhappy  
Posts: 743
Member

Hi all.

I am in a bit of a sticky situation. My only friend in the world (besides my husband that is) may be a trigger for me. I obsess about calling him, and then when we talk I feel high. Quite often, after talking to him, i feel quite depressed. And I obsess on calling him back, to express something that I can't put into words, but he simply MUST know...I can never put into words what I want to tell him, but I feel extremely strong emotions about. It's like, If I can just tell him how I feel, everything will be allright. But it never is allright. This cycle plays out over and over again. Often I am so upset after talking to him, even if the conversation is normal, that I cry and feel very depressed, then angry, then depressed. What is wrong with me?

Should I stop talking to him? Should I let him know what's going on? Any input would be appreciated.

Post edited by: skullhappy, at: 07/31/2010 06:08 PM

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07/31/2010 06:37 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16594
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Hmm. This is a tricky one. Do you know what you want to say at all? Could you write it down and then say it to him?I think the problem is that you are obsessing about it too much. You shouldn't be obsessing about it at all. He's just your friend and you should be able to tell him anything. You don't have feelings for him do you? I'm just trying to pinpoint why you would be so upset and angry just after you talked to him. I think you should think it through, write it down on paper and then call him to tell him what you want to tell him. You could at least give that a try. I hope that you start to feel better. Others probably have some better ideas. I hope you find something that works for you. Good luck my friend!!

08/01/2010 06:52 AM
skullhappy
skullhappy  
Posts: 743
Member

Joy, thats a very good idea about writing it down. I wrote him a lengthy email last night, trying to explain where I'm coming from. Besides being a bit babbling, I am hoping it expresses my emotions. No, there is no romantic aspirations there. You see, I've been obsessing on him since i was 15...I def had romantic feelings for him then but not now (he's older than my father..66 now) so I am sort of mystified as well. Maybe cuz he's my only link to the outside world...thank the goddess I have my husband to help me, I don't know what i'd do without him...thank you so much for replying. It means a lot to me!

08/01/2010 07:53 AM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16594
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I'm an Advocate

That's great that you got an email out to him. Babbling is okay, at least you said something. Maybe the obsessing will stop once you get what you need out. Why is he your only link to the outside world. Do you not leave your house? You are very lucky to have such a lovely husband. Take care!!

08/01/2010 08:11 AM
Moonbaby
Moonbaby  
Posts: 577
Member

I may be way of course here but it sounds like you suffer from a lot of anxiety. If you do, he may be your "safe person"--the one you are attached too and find safety and comfort from and when you are not able to talk with him or see him, the anxiety comes flooding back. It has nothing to do with how much you love your husband--the friend for some reason is the one that when you are connected to him your anxiety goes away. I'm not a doctor by any means--I offer that as something to think about and discuss with your doctor maybe? If you are interested, there is a terrific book called the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne. Again, I'm not a doctor; I suffer from anxiety and I thought maybe you do too. Just a different perspective; hope it helps. Hugs,

08/01/2010 08:37 AM
skullhappy
skullhappy  
Posts: 743
Member

Why is he your only link to the outside world. Do you not leave your house? You are very lucky to have such a lovely husband. Take care!!

thanks Joy...I consider him to be my link to the outside world because he is my only friend. I totally leave my house, usually on things having to do with my daughter, or whatever...I think my life is sorta normal, except I dont have friends. My husband (yes, I am incredibly lucky!) says I put way too much emphasis on 'not having friends', and that I should focus on my life and not worry about it: That if I just relax and let people in, they will like me. He is wise, but what do I do in the meantime? i suppose I want an answer RIGHT NOW, an immediate solution....patience, grasshopper, patience...

Thanks for your replies, Joy, you are a good person who gives solid advice.


08/01/2010 08:40 AM
skullhappy
skullhappy  
Posts: 743
Member

Moonbaby I may be way of course here but it sounds like you suffer from a lot of anxiety

Moonbaby, I think you are right. Thanks for the advice, and I will check out the book. I never thought of my self as being anxious, but I may be. Not all the time, but much of the time. Lots to think about there. Thank you for taking the time to respond!


08/01/2010 08:46 AM
Moonbaby
Moonbaby  
Posts: 577
Member

I did suffer from a lot of anxiety. Not so much any more with the right meds and some therapy I seldom have an anxiety attack now thank God. It's horrble to deal with and I appreciate anyone struggling from it.

08/01/2010 08:53 AM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16594
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Awww, I wish you had more friends. You just need to put yourself out there. It's hard to do though. I need more friends, but I stay home by myself way too much and don't really contact the ones I have. I'm just not in the mood. Too bad all of us didn't live in the same town, we could all hang out together! That would be fun. MDJ group!

08/01/2010 09:18 AM
MissStacey
MissStacey  
Posts: 14845
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I think Joys idea of writing your thoughts down is great, I always get my best thoughts out in writing because you can proof read and edit but you can't take things back once they are said. You should not feel this way over a person who is supposed to be your best friend. I don't know what your conversations are like but they don't sound too good. I have no friends, they all ditched me when I started getting really ill from my other conditions. I was boring, no fun anymore and instead of being their shoulder to cry on ALL the time they didn't know how to be a friend and support me in my worst time. It was for the best and the one good friend I had left was too much of a trigger and toxic for me I had to end that friendship. I even had to end the relationship with my own "mother" I use that term lightly. All I have is my awesome husband, 3 beautiful daughters and Nana. I am content and happy if I meet new friends when I get my other conditions under control fine but I refuse to feel bad in any type of friendship, it's not healthy. If your best friend is making you feel that terrible you need to sit back and asess the situation yourself and decide if it's worth your emotions being all over the place for. I wish you the best and you always have us to lean on. Wink take care of yourself.

Joy that would be so cool an MDJ BBQ Smile I would love to meet so many people.

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