Bipolar Type II Support Group

My husband of 20 years left me 10 months ago after suffering a breakdown. He was only diagnosed bipolar 2 2 months ago. He has been on Depakote 1250 gms for 3.5 weeks and now he tells me he feels love for me again. (He said he felt nothing for me up until 5 days ago.) I don't know if i can do this. i have read so many negative things about this disorder...he is not yet saying he wants to come back and i have started to have a life without him (no other man...I have just been taking care of myself and my 2 teenage boys). What are the odds that a marriage like this can work. Please don't get me wrong, i do not want to seem insensitive..he was not the best husband before, I never came first...he was always obsessed with playing paintball, it always came first. I felt very neglected.

Hey Mckay, welcome to the group, reading about the negative things about this disorder doesn't cover the positive things, we have several long term relationships between those with bipolar and those that love them, Red one of the leaders here has been married for 25 or 26 years now, and has been through all the ups and downs of being married to one, I've been married now for 8 years, there are several others besides us, I can't say that marriage is going to be easy, it isn't and being with a bipolar makes it even more rocky, but any marriage has it's trials and tribulations, let your husband know how you felt and how you are feeling at this point and time, as long as he is medication/therapy compliant, and you are willing to consider it, there is no reason it can't work, just take it slow and easy, don't rush it.

My husband of 8 years has left me feeling second best and he isn't the bipolar in the family, I've let him know about it, and he is slowly changing his ways.. mine didn't play paintball, it is his desire to run off and help everyone but me..

If you do consider it, consider therapy for both of you, as well as considering therapy for just yourself, you need to have tools and coping methods for dealing with a bipolar, and just someone that isn't personally connected to you, for you to talk with about daily life and the things that go on..

You've taken care of yourself and your children, so you now know that it is possible to do life without him in it.. if anything should happen after you try to get back together you have the knowledge that you can take care of yourself..

I'm not saying that you should get back together as that is your decision alone, but that there isn't all bad in having this type of relationship, there is a chance.. set boundaries, let him know that you have to be considered in this relationship, that he has to be medication compliant,

Thank you Carmen, I love my husband very much but i have discovered that I CAN live a life without him ....though it hurts me deeply. This is not the 1st time my husband has left, though the last time it was only for 2 weeks. Every 4 years it seems he would threaten to take off and it was always within days of Mothers Day (I am sure that is symbolic). Even if he is medicated, i do not think i can go through this again... wondering when he will leave me yet another time.

Hello Becksmom, I am so very sorry to hear of your pain. Bipolar is a cruel disease. When it is unmanaged or/and untreated it can change the person from a loving individual to one that is selfish and destructive. I was lucky that my husband never had another woman, also he is trying hard to stay on his medication and he sees his therapist regularly. He also continues to work (with quite a few days leave here and there) and pays most of the bills.

Before his diagnosis he was unloving, cruel, heartless, blaming me for all the problems in his life. It has been 11 months, he is kinder, more loving but still does not want to come home. ( he is still quite ill) I love him but I have to continue with my life ... alone. It is painful but I am doing OK,

Your situation is more complicated, you have a young child, your husband has another woman and you have great financial stress.

If you can I would REALLY recommend your see a therapist to help you get through this extremely difficult situation. My heart goes out to you

joanne

Starting over doesn't mean moving back in tonight. Live separately as a "couple" if that makes any sense, to see if you can put the pieces back together. Then make a decision. Be creative, that's what life is all about.

Bi-polar is a hard thing for anyone. If you love hime, try dating with him, That in itsself will let you know how things will go, but also let him know your feelings, communication is the key, if he can't admitt mistakes and willing to do what it takes to create a better future then you will have an answer, good, bad or indifferent. I know. I'm bi-poar. I don't blame the disease, I blame me.

Smile,

Patrick

If you want to give it on last try I would first set up counseling for the two of you. I would set up boundaries also. He must take his meds, etc..I would start out slowly and see how that works.

Lori

Hi Mckay: I am new here but wanted to comment: I have heard that these relationships can work and work well, however, you are dealing with something I also face: Never being first on his list.

I guess since mine left 3 weeks ago (I am pregnant with a 22 month old) I have had to face some facts. I had started to rebuild my life the last time he left when our son was 2 months old and I now wish I had never taken him back. I am thankful to be pregnant with a much-wanted (by both of us) baby so perhaps this was "meant to be" (?) but if I had not let him come home I would not be in this hell right now trying to survive and care for these babies.

If your relationship was not what you wanted before all of this, please know that there are better and more stable men out there who WILL put you first if you want a man in your life. Only you can decide, of course, but if you've rebuilt and feel good then maybe it's time to move forward and find the love you deserve and really want.

The dating idea does sound plausible however, and people with much more experience than I have given you some very good things to think about. Hope you find the right path that works for you!

FC