Bipolar Type II Support Group

I've been married for 15 years to a man with bipolar 2.I just thought he was moody.If I had known what I do now,I never would have said "I do."Of all the meds he has tried,Prozac has done the best.He can turn his moods on and off like a faucet.He knows how to control them when he wants to when around other people.When it's just us,he goes back to treating me like dirt.The answer is divorce!It just isn't worth it.Enough is enough!

So you come in here and post this vicious diatribe to a bunch of folks with BP 2. Are you nuts? Sounds like you need more help then your husband does.

Thank god my wife of 31 years is no where near as shallow as you sound. I would have let her go many, many year ago if she was. We all have problems whether or not they have a diagnosis associated with them. Marriage is work. A successful marriage is damned hard work. I suggest you get to work and quit your bitc--- or at least take it somewhere else. I'm sure there is a "I hate my spouse" forum somewhere for you.

Pity the fool...

bdr

Get your self some help. Maybe your husband would be better off leaving you. You seem to be very unsupportive of his illness and seem to pick his faults. I am glad my wife has 100 times more compassion than you.

Easy y'all, Hi, Midgie welcome to the group, I understand that you are having a really tough time right now, and the others are right in you needing to get some help for yourself, turning the moods on and off, really isn't what it's all about, we've had to learn to put masks on to deal in a world that doesn't understand us.. I am sure over the years, you have been to hell and back with him, my question for you is why you have stayed so long, what's kept you there?

I understand the others anger, when it seems that someone is coming in here attacking bipolars we do get defensive, we do offer a group called bipolar in the family it might be a better place for you to get understanding on how to deal with and how to live with a bipolar,

If you have truly had enough, then divorce might be the only option, is your husband getting help? is he taking his medications like he should? how about seeing a therapist? if he is seeing a therapist, and is on medications, then the meds need to be reevaluated, it doesn't seem like something is working like it should.

bdr, is right, marriage is work and after 15 years I know that you are aware of this, I'm the bipolar in the family and my husband drives me crazy sometimes.. but we strive to work and make this marriage work, together, there are times that I am less than pleasant to be around, I have my public mask, my family mask, and at home, I am comfortable enough to let those masks drop, not always to my husband's liking.. but I have struggled for many years unmedicated and undiagnosed, to the point of where I am aware of when I am out of line, it doesn't mean I can control it all the time, people get blasted for no reason, I cry for no reason, etc..

Is it you or your husband that is wanting the divorce? here's the link to the other group, you are welcome to seek help here as well for understanding the bipolar II's mind..and how we are at times, and what we have done to get better. Being bipolar though is not a excuse for bad behavior, especially if we are doing all we can do to get better.. keep a journal and see where and when it is that he is treating you like dirt, can you see his therapist? or his doctor with him?

http://www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-in-the-family

Carmen

Hi all,

I realize this is a support group for those suffering from BP 2. Typically, hypomania is only a problem if it interferes in one`s life. So if you have been diagnosed, this is likely the reason.

Lets be honnest, 90 % of marriages with BP end up in divorce. So although the one with the illness needs to be understood, the spouse also needs to be supported. There is usually years of abuse before the diagnosis is made...spouse and children are affected and although the BP person suffers, the spouse probably suffers more and that is rarely recognized. So for those suffering from BP, please be kind to us spouses as we have put up with way too much abuse. Remorse will help us to forgive but the lack of insight is sooo very difficult to deal with.

Carmen 33 you seem very insightful..thanks

Post edited by: maclean, at: 10/13/2011 09:13 PM

Welcome Midgie. I think you need to do what you feel is right. I don't think any of us can give you clear direction on it, but we can support you while you're suffering and making a decision.

I actually have type A or I bi polar but my spouse has Type II along with ADHD- most prominent, and OCD and PTSD... Been married 9 yrs. It has not been easy, I have gotten sick very sick before, but have been well totally for about 5 yrs ( still have the bipolar of course) My spouse has had all the things the original poster has had- very agitated, everything is my fault, no patience with me. He can be charming to anyone else though.

He is out of his Zoloft. I know this is why he is being how he is but its still very hard to deal with him, I am this close to telling my folks who we live with. I hesitate because he will act like I back stabbed him. I dkw the best route to take- divorce is not on my mind, no not all. He does not intend to be off his meds long, but being off at all, is not good.

I need him to realize that he is causing the friction, causing the contention and thats not how I intend on being treated. I have not given him the silent treatment, but the quiet treatment, not much talk... see if he notices. Off his meds he is not reasonable. Not physical- but not very nice and of course he goes through the cycles more quicker than I do. I dont do this to him, when I got deathly sick twice it was through bad doctors advice which I believed to be the right advice. I never did it on purpose. I did not know what happened would happen. I believe in taking my meds I know they work. He does too but he should not let himself run out and let me to deal with whatever he comes out with, however he decides to be. He can prevent what happens, the end result is not unknown and its him who did not get the medicine.

Any advice would be well appreciated,- I am bipolar dealing with another bipolar+ and its hard.

Be honest with him, tell him how you really feel about this situation.

Say what you mean, mean what you say, just don't say it mean!

I'm sorry Midgie you have gone through so much with your bipolar husband. You say the Prozac has done the best for your husband, but something is still wrong if he is still treating you like dirt like you said. I would talk to his doctor if that is possible and tell him the situation if you already haven't. It sounds like therapy would help you guys too. The situation might be too far gone. I understand that completely. I think you have tried hard for 15 years and deserve to be happy and if it takes being away from your husband than so be it.

In reply to my previous post,At the end of yesterday- my spouse realized how he was being- he was sorry, I told him how hard it is for me when he is like that. He told that he would get his medicine start of next week. I am glad he himself realized how he has been. Today he has been much calmer, not agitated. As response to what I saw someone saying that women think men will take care of them- its equal with he and I. I take care of him just as much I work as well he does, I do for him the usual wifey things of maintaining the place, I remind him of appointments,things he has to do etc. He often steps in to cook- so that statement is not correct- it should be equal, you care for them, and they you, and with us it is- he just needs to stay on all his meds- just like me. When he is taking all he should, things go alot better. I said its not easy because well marriage is never fairytale, its work and we have extra work than others because of our illnesses, however that's a big factor of how we knew we should be together too.

Post edited by: carphi, at: 11/25/2012 01:22 PM

Post edited by: carphi, at: 11/25/2012 01:25 PM