Bipolar Teens Support Group

Hi..joined this group out of desperation. I spent 20 years of my life with a bipolar man who refused to go on any medication, seek help for the horrific mood swings and subjected my children and me to constant rages. I finally packed up and left with my 23 year old son and then not even six months out of it..my daughter started having rages..followed by three manic days of non sleep...hyperactivity ..and then back to calling my horrible names, smashing things in my home etc. One day she was so out of control I had to call police to have her formed at the hospital. They diagnosed her as bipolar and said she was textbook for onset. I felt it was the end of the world..my beautiful, intelligent daughter ..so close to graduation and on to college was sitting in MHU for exam time. She has not to date finished school and started going into one relationship after another that is damaging. The lates..for the past eight months, has been abusive. No less than twenty times did she have me go to the boyfriend's apartment and collect her things, only to go right back there. In the interim, she has not worked consistently and I have had to support her financially, with no help ..

The latest hospitalization revealed that the boyfriend had beaten her and only three days after being there did she reveal this. He back was back and blue..she would not call police as there have been too many calls relating to her mental health. I thought she was finally rid of this awful young man..but last week returned there again. I told her that she could keep my house key for safety, but that I could never condone her relationship that is so dangerous to her. I advised that while she was in the relationship, I would no longer give her any money, rides etc. The only time she calls me is in a crisis. Prior to being bipolar we were extremely close.

Did I do the right thing? She is almost 20 now and I am 53..exhausted, terrified and so sad that a child I love so much would do this to herself. I had to draw a line in the sand, however, she now apparently hates my guts... Somebody please tell me what to do...

You can't make her want to leave him, as much as you might want to. I know that some people who are in abusive relationships feel as if they deserve the abuse. It might be a good idea for her to talk to someone, if she isn't already, about the abuse. I know that this can be tough. I'm sorry you're going through this.

You are not alone. I am going through a similar situation. I have a 20 yr old daughter who was diagnosed as bipolar and psychosis. I am not sure what behavior is triggered by her condition and what behavior is just her trying to get and do what ever she wants without any responsibilities. She goes into crisis and smash things, cut herself (just to get attention I think because she had never attempted suicide. She got pregnant at 17 and she had a second child right after. I feel that I had been an enabler because I had always provided everything needed and more. She attended one of the most expensive high schools in Massachusetts just because she had an issue with every high school she tried. She did feel bad that i had to work two jobs to be able to afford that school. Well that school was not good enough and she started pretending she couldn't walk until I had to do homeschooling and that way she finished high school. She lives in Puerto Rico while I continue to live in Massachusetts working two jobs to be able to help her because her boyfriend left her. ( I am glad he did, he was lazy and abusive) Now I took a few days off to come and clean my condo in Puerto Rico because it was destroyed. She never took care of it even tough she lives there with her kids. Since I am here she is going out leaving the kids with me. My mother suffers a lot because she sees what she does while I do grad school, teach and have a second job to help my family. She stopped eating and lost a lot of height. She doesn't eat at all! I am very worried about her health and the two babies she has, which one of them was just diagnosed with microcephaly. I am not sure if though love would work with her but today I am trying a new strategy. She stayed out with her friends and I am here waiting for her to come so I can leave and have a day about just for me. Your live cant revolve just around her. I know it is easy to say but I will try. I am afraid when I go back to Mass. she does not take care of my condo again and I am not sure what will happen with the kids. She is affective with her kids but since I am here I have the entire responsibility. She threats me with getting a place for her because she knows I worry about the kids moving who knows where. She doesn't have much money since I provide most of the support. She receives a small amount of social security but I pay everything. sometimes I feel defeated. Live one day, and do things for you. Small steps at the time...

Post edited by: jennichloe1, at: 04/04/2012 08:50 AM

Wow,

The things you are going through sound absolutely horrible. My son was newly diagnosed this past Jan.2012. I pray I never have to go through things like what you all are. I know that sounds selfish but I really mean that. I do not know what I would do myself. Currently we are getting a lot of therapy with my son. I suggest that, if you can get them to attend. It seems that a 3rd parties presence makes setting and maintaining those boundaries easier. Like there is a witness, so they cant turn it back on you, you know what I mean, and they are master manipulators. You can not let you guard down for one second-cause they will take your whole life and not feel any remorse for it. One thing, you have to value your own life because they are not going to and I say that not to be vicious to the person with bipolar, its just part of that disorder (NO FRONTAL LOBE BRAIN ACTION). I advise everyone to get the DVD "Bipolar Light" by Dr. Jay Carter, this helped me understand the disorder better. This may help you understand why your precious children are treating you like utter crap. Man it hurts. It's extremely painful. I have been hurt too.

My son is now on a great medication schedule and like I said we are all in therapy. You may think that this is expensive, and yes it is, but the alternatives of supporting him his whole life are expensive prospects too without the benefit of getting most of your beloved child back.

If they refuse, well maybe the best thing that you can do is let them hit the bottom. It was only until my son went to jail that we were able to get him to a hospital and eventually get the proper help that he needed. As for those little babies, If you think they are in danger you have a responsibility to protect them. I don't know about how Puerto-Rico handles these kind of issues, but if the home is filthy and they are not being properly cared for? I would investigate the options by asking a social worker or maybe a priest/clergy person.

I hope "managed bipolar" lasts forever for me. I try not to think or worry myself sick thinking about the worst, that is my challenge right now.

Even though I empathize and my heart goes out to you who are suffering so severely, I pray that I never have to go there. I hope that that is not what is in store for me and my son. I hope that I will never have to contemplate, "My life, or my childs?" I have two younger children 5 and 7 yrs old and if not for them I would probably lay down my life too.

I am also so sorry that you all are going through this.

I can so relate to everything you are talking about. I am newly divorced after 20 years of marriage to a bipolar man who also won't take meds. I also have a 17 year old bipolar son who takes his meds religiously, but last night was a real tough night. His dad wouldn't talk to him or return his calls and he just got really upset about other things too. He was punching himself and screaming and yelling in the car and people could see all of this and he didn't care. It is very embarrassing. He tells me I am nuts etc and then we come home and he tells me to leave him alone and not talk to him at all. Today he wakes up and is very talkative and acts like nothing happens. We are actually having a good morning, but you just never know when something is going to trigger it. I try tough love, but I don't think it works either. Thinking of you

Ive tried tough love and since she doesnt know what shes doing at the time and most time doesnt remember it I only hurt myself more I think

I think that you can not always get your effected loved one to the proper treatment until it is forced upon them by societal institutions either law enforcement, social services, a psychiatrist..... You can be there for them if they ask for help, but until then your interventions will be despised by them and they will make you think that you are the crazy, imbalanced one. It is really hard to see them spiraling down and you worry sick about how they might hurt themselves, if you really think they are a danger to themselves or others you can pursue getting them committed to a hospital for treatment. I advise you to educate yourself to the maximum degree and talk to a knowledgeable healthcare provider about the issue.

Sometimes it takes them years to accept it and want to help themselves even then still daily struggle but at least you know they are trying

Its a roller coaster ride. I really could be as sick as my son and that would make everything much worse. I have 2 little girls and a husband who need me too. I love my son and would do anything to help him. When he is having those bad bipolar days nothing that I do is really going to help him. I pray for him a lot and work on myself a lot. I have really had a cleansing by fire this year. I am learning so much and probably would not have really looked at some of this if it weren't out of the need to survive. I dare say that this is probably helpful to all of my family, but it is very very very tough and scary. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My son tries every day and messes up almost every day. We have had to have a re-adjustment of our expectations of him. Not saying that he doesn't have a bright future ahead of him, just maybe not in the fashion that we thought. I don't know if it is the same with you but my son was the most loving and talented child. He was super bright A - B student, bound for scholarships and a theater career..... Then his hormones, marijuana, and bipolar hit em at around age 17 and it really was a spiral down until he was finally hospitalized this past Jan. 2012. 2011 looked really hopeless, jan. 2012 was the ultimate crisis and hopefully I pray the rock bottom from which we are getting things back together and learning to live with this disease of bipolar. I hate bipolar, love my son with bipolar and must learn to live and cope and have a fantastic life with bipolar. I have some deep beliefs that are helping me if I can just remember to hold on to them. One being we are heavenly beings having an earthly experience and this life is very brief in the grand scheme of things and no matter what, Michael and all of us will ultimately be okay. And other kinda metaphysical stuff like that......

So whether Michael fully embraces his condition or not, I am the one that has to really except things the way that they are and eventually be okay with it. I have gone through all those steps of grieving that they talk about and I am working on acceptance. Sometimes I slide back into despair, especially when Michael is having a bad day, I know that I shouldn't worry and that it doesn't help anyone, but I just can't seem to stop myself. Those are times I wished I had a tranquilizer, because I know that I wont sleep. I hope that one day I won't feel so worried and panicked when Mike is having a bad day and I pray for more good days than bad for us all. I can only be responsible for myself.

Glad yours finally accepting It sounds like you were super lucky and found right meds first round.

Its been almost 7 years weekly therapy,family therapy,pDr every few weeks many hospitalizations,every med on market for in many doses and combinations and breaks my hear still not stable and she trys so hard she knows all about Bipolar now the BPD scares her but shes learning about it also weve took so many classes and groups in and out patient.Med compliant years now.2 hospitalizations since May 30 were praying this new cocktail helps to make life bearable.

If you havent contacted NAMI they have family support groups and classes and are amazing.