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12/08/2011 12:37 AM

17 yr old bipolar daughter - I feel so helpless

Posts: 1
New Member

Hello. This is my first time ever joining an online support group. I probably should have done this many years ago. My daughter has been officially diagnosed with ADHD/Bipolar & Dyslexia. We have been dealing with these problems since she was a toddler but at age 5 she would have rages that were so bad she told me she would take a knife a cut my head off. She took Depakoke for several years and also has to take meds for ADHD to get through school. Those medications aggravate the bipolar so it's a vicious cycle. We have tried our hardest with her. We've driven her hundreds of miles away to see doctors who just over medicated her to the point she was just a zombie. We didn't want this for our daughter and still don't. The overmedication was when she was about 6 or 7 years old. I think like most BP kids, she can be the greatest kid on earth. She has a huge heart and is so giving. She would give someone in need, her last dime. A good example is what she asked for this year for her birthday. All she wanted was to sponsor a child from Africa. She didn't want anything else. So, we did that for her and she loves that child. She keeps her framed picture with her whenever she goes to spend the night away from home and writes her letters regularly. On the other hand, she can be the exact opposite with us and be very cruel. She HATES rules and we keep a pretty close eye on what she is doing and who she hangs out with. She loathes the fact that we do but we're not willing to change that. She always screams we don't understand, which is true. We try to always begin our "talks" without screaming and yelling. We have worked on that a lot ( my husband and I ) but she keeps pushing and pushing. She had an appt today with her psychiatrist and it was just she and I today at the appt. Her dad was working. She portrayed her dad as someone who picked on her all the time over everything which isn't true. So, the psychiatrist tells her that it sounds like her dad is a bully. I couldn't believe my ears. I'm 45 and have rheumatoid arthritis very bad. Back in february I got mono due to one of the medications I was taking lowered my immune system too low and I can't get rid of it. I've had it now almost 10 months. It's been terrible. They took my tonsils out in October hoping it would help but no luck. The only medication I can take for the RA is pain medication. When we went to her doctor's appt today, I had my aunt go along with us because as the day went along I knew I probably would be so tired I wouldn't feel like driving and she could do that for me. Our daughter still doesn't have her permit and has no interest in getting it. I obviously couldn't drive after taking pain medication and we had planned on taking my daughter shopping at the mall after her appt. She was so angry that my aunt was with us even after I explained why I asked her to go. She just didn't care. She tells me often she's tired of me being sick, and will do nothing to help around the house. Her bedroom looks like a hoarders room and the dr says it's okay. Don't make her clean it, just close the door. Tonight was the worst arguement we have ever had. I thought I was going to have to call someone to come and get her. Her dad was so hurt and angry over the doctor convincing our daughter that he was a bully. Then she starts screaming at me and I honestly thought my husband was going to have a heart attack. Sometimes I have honestly felt like signing her over to foster care, but then later I will wonder how I could ever think that. I don't know what to do. Is anyone else going through something similar? I really think we all need some time apart so hopefully we could learn to appreciate each other more. I am open to any advice. Thanks for listening to me.

12/17/2011 04:40 PM
Posts: 6
New Member

Hi there. Im sorry to hear about what is happening to you. I hope that you feel a little better at least writing how you feel and getting your own emotions out. I'm 20 years old, and also diagnosed with bipolar disorder. To me, it's a very difficult thing to cope with. One minute everything is fine, and you're happy and then the next a small thing comes and just tears it all apart. I used to fight with my mom everyday, and we would scream and throw fits at each other. I was like this for three years, with no professional help. The only thing I wanted was just to be listened to. Sometimes even though you may not seem to be "yelling" and just speaking with her, it may just depend on the words you use to her. Your intentions may be the best for her, but what she is governed by is by her feelings, and not her logic. So you have to try your best to connect with her on an emotional level. I remember I used to get very upset when ever my mom would sound "calm" but the words she used to speak to me with were really hurtful. I remember wishing that I hoped she would just stop talking and listen to what I had to say for once, and that for once I hoped she would just help me out when I asked but be treated nicely too. I know this information isn't much, but I hope that from telling you my own experience and feelings that maybe you can learn my feelings and apply them to your own daughter... maybe they will help you too.

12/19/2011 03:36 AM
Posts: 15

I feel your pain. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My 16yo son is BP. He has hit me, punched holes in things, spit on me, cursed me, and that was all in 1 year. Yet my family doesn't believe in his illness which left me so alone.

2 weeks ago, I turned guardianship over to my mother. It was that or foster care...but I still feel worthless. It's hard, but you can't help feeling resentment. I have lost all traces of the good person he was, it has been replaced with negative and hateful feelings. People preach about unconditional love and remind me that this is my child. I tell them, if you haven't lived it, you can't understand it.

I hope it doesn't come to this for you.

02/16/2012 09:11 PM
Posts: 147

Our son just turned 20 1/26/2012 and he got to spend it on the psychiatric unit of our local hospital. This is the first time that he has ever been in the hospital. We don't even have a family MD, he has been so healthy, until about age 17. previous to that he was an A/B student.... pretty typical really. Anyway, what you all are describing is my worst fears. I really hope that his condition will be able to be manageable. We love him so much, but it has been extremely tough. He has attacked me physically one time and he tends to destruct property pretty regularly. It is scary, but of course now he is finally getting the attention for his condition that he has needed for at least the past yr.

03/22/2012 06:55 AM
Posts: 4

Hello. I am a 17 year old bipolar teen that also has ADD. I've been admitted to a psychiatric unit within the last year and I want to let all you parents out there know that it does get better. Just stay on your childs side and keep showing them that you love them. The only reason that i'm even still here is because my mother and adoptive father did just that. Be strong for your child and they will learn to be strong for you. Good luck and God bless. Smile

03/24/2012 08:40 AM
Posts: 90

Hcurfman, thank you for the hope voice... As a parents with children in this situation, we really need to hear it.

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