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Bipolar Community Bipolar Support Forums Medicine & Treatments Depression: Contagious to Family of Bipolar People
 

Depression: Contagious to Family of Bipolar People


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01/28/2008 14:56
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 Hi NorthPolar, that's a good question you asked. I think it probably depends on the non-bipolar person and what type of persen the are in the first place. I've been married to a BP Person for 30 years. Yes it can wear you thin but you have to "try" to remain positive And realize It's not there fault and try not get sucked into the vacume of their depression, negativity and be there for them if they want or need you. That said, I myself am on an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety for the last 4 years, I don't blame this on my wife though. I believe I've had this most of my life but just didn't seek help untill 4 years ago. But My meds have definetly helped me in my dealings with my wife. Thanks! Sledge
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01/28/2008 18:31
maddiemiami
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 Wow - I should get a medaL from my husband ! i read eveything, diagnosed him before going to the doctor then I had to break it gently to him ( Italian and hates doctor) to get help as probably 1/2 his life has been traumatic for him not knowing his mood swings and intense emotions were due to BP, then go to the doctor, make sure he takes meds, go to shrink. The reward is he actually is working again and bringing in an income and we can actually have a civilized conversation for the 1st time in 3 years. He feels great, really got into getting better but I would read, educate him ( let him think it was his idea) then gently discuss triggers, avoiding stress etc etc I would not do otherwise as I am almost happier to know he is BP than to think i married a moody jerk ! Sounds bad but I guess I always believed in him because there were so many contradictions in his character that marking him down as "jerk" simply did not fit the whole picture. Soooo ..... if this continues I might be abke to get off the anti depressant myself but I had a slight tendancy to depression since I was 18 and so I would have gone bonkers without taking it myself. Living with worsening BP for 3 years is beyond the call of duty - I can hardly believe things will get better
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01/28/2008 18:34
maddiemiami
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 BTW - I know I am rambling ( got it from my husband )- this forum is invaluable as I even went to a shrink so they could teach me the non BP spouse how to best cope, what to do etc etc and they did not have too many PRACTICAL answers but you guys all do so thank you !

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01/28/2008 19:28
callme2crazy
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 Northpolar it is very common for family members to be co-depressive whenever there is a serious health issue in the family and especially when a spouse is depressed. I watched my then husband go through this several times.

Cappy be careful about the phrase"makes themselves depressed", as in your husband and mom-in-law. No one chooses depression just as we do not choose bipolar disorder. Depression has most likely triggered the behaviors they exhibit.

Dee
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01/28/2008 20:42
cappymuir
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 I guess what I am trying to pointout by my statement is that they have a choice to be depressed or not. She refuses to take the medication and talks about dying and not be active all day, which makes it worst. My husband just flat out denies that anything is wrong and that his depression is from some unknown cause. Does he want to help himself ? No he won't opne up and admitt that he needs help and I live with the consquences of his decision. Cappy
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01/29/2008 15:50
callme2crazy
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 cappy please listen to yourself! No one chooses to be ill. Not depression, bipolar or even cancer. If we did it would not be an illness.

I do not want to anger you and I understand that you are bipolar but hasn't anyone ever told you to 'snap out of it' or 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps'. These are offensive phrases given that we have an illness and DID NOT CHOOSE IT.

Please give your family members the benefit of the doubt. Trust me, these are symptoms not causes of depression.

Dee
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01/29/2008 16:07
cappymuir
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 Callme2crazy- You don't anger me with your bluntness. I just know the depression that comes into peoples lives temporarily, I don't see aas an illness because they do have a choice on what they can do to make a change. The depression that last s is the illness in my eyes and in my opinion only!!! I was in a support group where I saw how the illness depression could not be altered and all this person saw was the black , no grey or white in every situation. During discussions with these people, it seemed to bring others down theat there did not seemed to be any change for them. These people have been on medicatiions for their issue for a long time and their medication has been altered to see if there could be a dent in their depression. These people are the ones you look out for suicide atempts more often. The temporary depression in my family are not that intense and it is up to choices we tend to make to change our mood or decided that we don't want to change. I have asked this question to my family member and she has told me that it is her choice to make the change, but she does not want too. The old saying "misery loves company," is true. It is like she is in competition with me for her sons affection, so she does not want to get well because he would come around less often. There is more things happening that meets the eye and that is why when we voice our opinion about a subject it is easier for it to make more sense if everyone knew the background that formed this opnion. Lots of us don't have the time to share an entie history to each opinion, but we can make an effort to give some details. Sometimes it may not be enough for one reader and just fine for anothe. Cappy

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01/29/2008 22:26
NorthPolar
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 It is amazing the discussions that can arise from certain questions. I appreciate all of the support and life-long goals you each have. Together we can solve matters that medically can not be explained.

I am so glad to have so many people to have meaningful conversations with. We are improving our lives just simply by talking with people who have similar challenges.

I think that depression can be conquered if we initiate the time to change just a little. I am not depressed because I wanted to be, I was just finding it very hard to try to "fix" every issue with my bipolar wife. After feeling like all was lost, I figured others MUST be feeling the same way. How would I overcome self-blame and constant losing battles? Study, study, study, and then ask. It is working and I feel so much better each time I learn and share with others just like me.

Thanks, everyone.

NorthPolar
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01/30/2008 04:10
TerriTee
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 I do tend to lean toward depression sometimes, especially when my husband is depressed. I've found that talking to others helps. Also, I sometimes need to step back and get out of the house for a couple hours so I can think rationally and not be sucked into his depression.

The first time that he was severely depressed, I went to visit him at the hospital. The way he was talking had me in tears. As soon as I got in the car, I realized that he didn't mean all those things, and none of them were really going to happen, but it was just his illness. I have a good support system (family and friends) so that helps keep me going.

I agree with you Northpolar that it is frustrating and depressing to see the person you love so much going through such hell and not being able to "fix" it. We need to try to stay healthy for them.

Terri

Most people don't know that there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life - Brian Andreas
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01/30/2008 08:39
cappymuir
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 TerriTee- you are right that we can not fix their depression, it is up to them to make that choice. After I had my severe breakdown in 200 I was in a cycle of of just taking my medications and going back to bed. for three years. I even told the doctor that I could not stay awake. I literally had to stop driving because I was falling asleep behind the wheel when my husband tried to get me out to visit family. During these three years i cn not remmber anything that happened in my life. I finally one day made the choice that one of the medications was causing this and dumped all of them in the toilet. It to 6 months before I became clear-headed. I did not take any meds for a long time in fear of this. Finally I sought out a new doctor and told him of my experience and stated very clearly, that I will not go back to that type of living so he better make sure that whatever meds he prescribes don't make me slepp. Cappy
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