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zinnia
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Since I've been up all night, i thought i'd come over early and get you all some breakfast. now, even though i'm a vegetarian, i had some cabana boys that i awakened make sausage over a fire on the beach. i made cheese omlettes and there are muffins and other pastries and fresh tropical fruit. i hope you all have a great day. start with the thought that there is someone thinking of you (that'd be me ) that thinks you're awesome. i can make that blanket statement because i think everyone who comes to this thread is incredible and i love each and every one of you. say hi when you awaken...carmen, i'll bet? peace- z. Well behaved women rarely make history.
Thou canst not disturb a flower without the troubling of a star...from "Troubling a Star", by Madelaine L'Engle...we all affect one another by our words and actions...it is our choice whether to do so purposefully and positively, or carelessly and hurtfully...may we all bring to one another the peace that we seek...
"if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. if you want to be happy, practice compassion" the Dahli Laama
Peace-
Zinnia
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carmen33
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lol, Good Morning Ms. Z, and why have you been awake all night? meds still not doing what they should? |
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zinnia
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meds ok. stressed out and pissed off. went to two showers for my future sister in law this weekend and it sucked being with all those folks i didn't know. when driving back with mom and sister, mom got upset because i said it had been hard for me and was a lot of pressure. still pissed although trying to meditate and let it go. how are you this morning? Well behaved women rarely make history.
Thou canst not disturb a flower without the troubling of a star...from "Troubling a Star", by Madelaine L'Engle...we all affect one another by our words and actions...it is our choice whether to do so purposefully and positively, or carelessly and hurtfully...may we all bring to one another the peace that we seek...
"if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. if you want to be happy, practice compassion" the Dahli Laama
Peace-
Zinnia
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carmen33
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Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time of it, and that Mom didn't understand that it was rough, suggestion, next time take your own car, let Mom and Sis take theirs, bow out of the second one... being around a bunch of people is exhausting even if you do know them.. Have you done the cup of hot tea, and sitting out on the porch? sucking in the quietness of the night? our night isn't too quiet this AM, as it is raining, but that in it's self is relaxing.. I've been off the computer most of the weekend, slept for over 12 hours I believe Saturday, but needed it and not over depression, mother nature and her ugly self.. Job is going well even if the boss is screwing with my schedule again, one of these days he will learn better.. |
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carmen33
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 Hey Ms. Z, been over, locked the topic from yesterday, linked it to this thread, so that everyone knows where to go..lol... was reading the rest of the posts there, I am truly sorry you had such a rough time of it, it seems the further we get into this illness the harder it is to glue on our masks, and be able to function in what is considered the normal world.Give Mom and you a chance to settle down over the weekends events, and try talking with her about this, maybe see if you can find a book that will explain what is going on to her, sometimes people seeing something in black and white, or having it told to them by someone with MD or PHD after their names gets through better than we can. Had it not been for the suicide attempt I believe i would have had to have a statement written on my doctors letterhead to convince my family. Although they had seen some of the traits of the bipolar in their face for many years. Someone suggested having a escape plan, riding with others doesn't work most of the time, as you are at their mercy as to when you get to leave. If I truly feel I am going to need a way out of somewhere, I take my own, I move silently out of the house, and hide somewhere outside, if nothing else, get yourself a hotel room next time you have to go somewhere you are looking at a over night stay, this gives you a hiding place where people can't get to you. Even if you have a pre arranged agreement, if they are having a good time, convincing them of the need is going to be tough, this is where the hotel room comes in handy, and if you are in a large enough town, a cab will be available to haul you out of there. Thankfully over the years, my family has learned that when I say I've got to go, I've got to go or there will be hell to pay..lol.. Take care of you, do something nice for yourself, and give yourself a pat on the back for managing to get through most of the weekend without losing it, just remember you do have the right to say NO.. |
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zinnia
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thanks, so much carmen. i feel like my mom and sister have been wanting me to acknowledge and be medicated for my bp diagnosis that i got 7 years ago and now that i am, they think i should just "snap out of it". my mom was actually irritated with me that she DIDN"T know what was going on was tough for me. "you looked like you were having a nice time. you said you liked pete and carol." "i did, mom, it was just tough when i was in those crowds of people i didn't know". "well, i couldn't tell. it's not like you were hiding in the closet". it was such a ridiculous conversation. i do fake and fake and then the pressure of doing that gets to me and i lose it. i don't go nuts...lol...i just start getting irritable. the whole thing started when i got irritable about something in the car. it often amazes me that i'm classified as the crazy one...rofl...i'm going to take yours and red's and norma's advice and if people get upset with me because i can't be a part of every huge crowd, then that's the way it'll have to be. there. i said it and i'm glad. how's carmen this morning? hubby behaving? carmen behaving? yeah, right...lol... Well behaved women rarely make history.
Thou canst not disturb a flower without the troubling of a star...from "Troubling a Star", by Madelaine L'Engle...we all affect one another by our words and actions...it is our choice whether to do so purposefully and positively, or carelessly and hurtfully...may we all bring to one another the peace that we seek...
"if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. if you want to be happy, practice compassion" the Dahli Laama
Peace-
Zinnia
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carmen33
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Carmen is behaving as best she can, and hubby is at least making a attempt at behaving..lol, he knows he has me on the verge of saying F-u and walking, lol... Time to stop faking it my dear, at least trying to completely, you are not going to be capable of doing this full time, you know it, I know it, and time for the others to know it as well.. Mom and Sis have to understand that the medications only make things a little easier to take, they don't take it away completely.. for me it's getting harder to hide, and thankfully they've become a little more understanding, they don't all the time, but I don't worry about it anylonger, I don't have to have the understanding, I am who I am and that is the end of the story..
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carmen33
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Hey Z, I got to thinking about your situation with Mom and Sis not understanding, just wanted you to know something, here even where people should truly understand the inability to fake it and how our feelings are very real, there have been those that could not understand how I could be anything beyond what they see here, I was trying to explain my feeling fragile to someone and they could not comprehend this.. I could not be fragile, well the truth is, I am, I'm not feeling quite as fragile as I did when I got out of the hospital, but it's still there, my coping abilities, my ability to hide behind the mask has left the building, like Red said in another post, it's getting harder and harder for his wife to put on her mask, it is for me too, you will see in some of the posts, I do nothing more than greet a newcomers, it's because either I don't have anything to add, like questions about a medication, I don't have experience with, or I simply don't trust myself in making a response, I am very proud of myself that I have not gone off on anyone, but that is not a guarantee that I won't at some point and time. Ask your Mom if it will make how you are feeling clearer if you do go hide in a closet, or if it will make her feel good if you curl up in a corner and cry? or how about going ballistic on someone ?lol, I've explained to my mom that I had to leave the house during a Christmas celebration or I would kill her Son, which did she want? my family knows that I am crazy enough to do exactly that... lol, they learned this a long time ago, prior to the diagnosis.. |
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DreamChaser
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Morning everyone. Zinnia, it's good to see you. I'm sorry you had a hard time over the weekend. I have avoided crowds for so long that I rarely have to experience them any longer. I don't necessarily recommend that as a good alternative. I feel isolated most of the time, which isn't good either. I like the option you all have been discussing better where you just plan an escape route in advance. How are you today, Carmen? It sounds like your husband is making a good effort. That has to be a real relief for you. I'm having a kind of tough morning so far. I woke up in a panic about my son at 5:20. I take Lunesta and Trileptal at bedtime so I don't ever remember my dreams, but I must have had a bad dream about him. Then, I became angry with my husband because he didn't want to talk about how worried we both are. I feel like just crying all of the time, and I didn't feel this way the last two times he was deployed. But, the last two times I was on the wrong meds so I was zombie-like through it all. I am trying to remind myself that being worried and wanting to cry is normal for any parent in this situation, but I am getting a little scared about it. Ahh well, maybe some breakfast will cheer me up. Pass those omlettes, please. I am famished DC |
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carmen33
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Time for me to run Z, you be good and take care of yourself, see you this evening.. Love ya Car |
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