Bipolar Support Group

i am amused, consumed, confused by you.

you pull and push and pull and shove until

i am stumbling, bumbling, fumbling.

it's tiptoe, then stomping, then prancing,

dancing away, around,

across the ground

and i don't even know which way's up or down.

i'm acting, reacting, redacting my words.

i'm responding to you but i'm not being heard.

you are gone, moved on

to other things and i am pulling back,

feeling the lack

of your attention.

now there is tension.

and i am standing still trying to figure out which way do i go.

do i know

what i'm doing?

am i fleeing or pursuing?

just what is going on here?

to me it is unclear.

and i am still amused consumed confused by you.

you are not mine.

you are many things

but not mine.

you are tying up loose strings, the phone--it rings,

but me, i wait. i think i enjoy the sting.

and i breathe, in and out,

trying not to scream and shout

for your attention, which i think i need, but that must only be

my heart, again, playing tricks on me.

and you are talking on and on, the list, it’s endless obligations

but while i wait i have the realization

that maybe i do not fit into the equation

of your plans so nice and neatly as we both originally thought.

and i know now, you are not mine.

The static of lightning fuses the air

A held breath waiting

Suspense

A distance cackle breaks through

A gradual crescendo

Louder and louder

Storm clouds now ahead

Their dark shadow taking over

Gripped all around

A tight grasp on reality

Squeezing

Strong winds blow

A beaten figure struggling to keep footing

Is thrown around

A lightning stem breaks through the darkness

Is blinding before it retorts back

The storm takes over the land.

THOUGHTS

THERE ARE LOTS OF THOUGHTS IN MY MIND,

SOME ARE BAD AND SOME KIND

BUT MOST OF THEM I WISH IPUT THEM IN THE PAST AND LEAVE BEHIND

IF I HAD A REMOTE I WOULD CHANGE IT AND PRESS REWIND..

LOOPS

lightning bolts across paper

jagged memories of what other saw

pieces of me, parts, never the whole

they only sit and watch what is outside

they would be afraid of what they found within

but what of the silence to share ?

There is no pain or regret

there is surely no joy nor any tearful sadness

could it be the place of nothing is where I have been headed all along ?

I have a feeling that I can’t move away or test the bridge from you to me because I am scared not of the fall to the water but of you not being at the other side feeling how it is I feel.

I ache in places that I knew not of before I felt your hands.

I think time has been of no importance here

I feel what I feel and it makes little since….

It makes me smile at the very madness of it

And crave a kiss and a mouth that tortures me when it’s not touching my skin

It makes me wish miles would disappear

And there would only be inches between us

And that not one thing would pull that away

Yet it seems everything is tying to

Even you even me

So scared of this that makes us feel and wonder why or how

But when I do lie in your arms I do not question nor do I care about things hidden under the bed to drink or people who do not understand

Instead Its the way it ….

Seems to smooth things over in my life.

I feel safe

I feel at home with your eyes looking at me.

Because it is the place where I can be just that…ME!!!

So take your hands and find me once more

So take that path and find me once more

So do what it is you have to do and find me once more

I will stand so still

I will be here

When Things are said and done and the whole world seems to be sleeping

If you only choose to find me with your hands and eyes with your mouth …. I will sigh

And I have cried

And I will smile tomorrow at the thought of a place in time I can travel to in my mind where your hands one my face and the way you taste causes me to loose my place

Maybe I am wrong------maybe this was only supposed to be for a short while

Maybe we will find our place you and I far away from yesterday

Maybe you will never be inside of me

Maybe I will never tell you another secret or touch your lips with fingers that only want to know more so much more

Time is a strange thing it washes away things that should have been kept above the water line

God give me a better place in time to hold you while life falls about you….let me be more than a voice to this man.

I want to understand how my heart wants what she cannot have……..

Tomorrow may be different----we may find ourselves far far far away from today and yellow will just be a color and your lashes will be thoughts of another woman

I want you to find what you need more than anything and keep it.

I want you to see yourself and love him

I wish I knew more to say

But as time passes and years from now you ever wonder one lonely night

Has anyone ever really seen me….and understood

I will be that answer

I have no idea where this will go

But know that I felt you

In this rushed amount of time

And that I wished I could have had longer

But life moves us about as she pleases….she never asks she takes and breaks

And I had trouble sleeping last night until I realized if things are as real as I feel

This feels like something I want to build to…. make into something

And if you should have ever been mine for more than this short time you’ll come back

So I could worry of cry of cut you out of my head and kill the thought of you

But I will just let things go-----and see if you and I find our way back or if it was just a beautiful taste in my mouth then…. I will swallow it.

~~Lyric~~

by John Donne

(1572-1631)

DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,

For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,

Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou

kill me.

From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,

Much pleasure, then from thee, much

more must flow,

And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,

Rest of their bones, and soules

deliverie.

Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,

And dost with poyson,

warre, and sicknesse dwell,

And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,

And better then

thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;

One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,

And death shall

be no more; death, thou shalt die.

The problem is you just had me flow in here and I may kick back and make this mofo comfortable for myself at times soon. You never know which way the wind will blow or where you may end up when I'm flying around..peace

I've got some tripped out shit to take care of but just wanted to let you know I got through about 29 pages of this thread before I had to fly and every last piece of art you cat's laid in here now has a special place inside my soul and each word, feeling and tear I will take with me everywhere I go. thank you all for sharing your talent and LOVE with me. I'm honored!

I'll be back..stay tuned...or not

If they kick me outta here...or it could be a trillion reasons I don't return..

just always know I'm right there on your side

fellow artists fist up mofos!

I LOVE YOU!

now get outta my face I gotta roKK!

asks

why I came

you called

and asked me over

oh yes I did

didn't I

put the ice

in

front of the

fan

It's going to get

hot in

here

come on

take 'em off

boy

sit down

yes

she's already there

you taste so

good

on tuesday

afternoon

glad you came

you smell

nice

what you wearin'

besides

that long

fat

tree

stump

before my eyes

you smell

the rain

I've been caught

in

give it a spin

making her choke

again

you silly boy

can't wait

to feel

inside

did you get the tickets

for the parade

those clowns

forgot the candy

kiss

me on my lips

down low

reaching for

the sky

she screams

that mascara

always gives me

hope

as it's running down

her face

yes

you just don't stop

do you

do you do that

just for me

or is there

another

mind

you're

blowing

in the wind

all you can eat

buffet

park your car

my sweet

and throw away

the key

I think we should

close the blinds

or open all the doors

oh that's it

baby

now let's

really

start

the show

on this

tuesday

afternoon~