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kimminentdanger
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A Short History of Medicine: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.” 2000 B.C. - “Here, eat this root.” 1000 B.C. - “That root is heathen, say this prayer.” 1850 A.D. - “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.” 1940 A.D. - “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.” 1985 A.D. - “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.” 2000 A.D. - “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!” "Insanity destroys reason, but not wit." - Nathaniel Emmons
"Been a bad (girl) since diapers and Gerbers; my first words were bleep bleep and curse curse" - Eminem E82EF8 |
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kimminentdanger
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The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.  LOL
"Insanity destroys reason, but not wit." - Nathaniel Emmons
"Been a bad (girl) since diapers and Gerbers; my first words were bleep bleep and curse curse" - Eminem E82EF8 |
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kimminentdanger
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An atheist is walking through the woods one day when all of a sudden a huge bear runs out to attack him. The atheist runs as fast as he can but trips over a stump and falls to the ground. As he turns rover the bear is standing on top of him, paws stretched wide ready to maul him. “Oh God” screams the atheist. Suddenly time stands still, the bear freezes in the attack position and a voice out of heaven says “Yes, you called?” “Oh” says the atheist “you really do exist! Can you make this bear go away?” “Why should I?” says God. “You’ve been denying my existence all your life” “Fair point” says the atheist. “Ok, how about this. Can you turn the bear into a Christian instead?” “Ok” says God and time resumes once more. The bear stops in attack, bows his head meekly and says “Dear God. Thank you for what I am about to receive…” "Insanity destroys reason, but not wit." - Nathaniel Emmons
"Been a bad (girl) since diapers and Gerbers; my first words were bleep bleep and curse curse" - Eminem E82EF8 |
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kimminentdanger
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A young man has a great date planned with a hot chick, unfortunately he’s also got a bad case of gas. Upon arriving at the girl’s house to pick her up, he meets the parents and waits for her in the living room while she finishes getting ready. At this point his stomach is turning and he’s doing the best he can to hold his gas. This is some serious stuff too, beer and beef burrito farts - the stuff dreams are made of. Luckily, just before he was about to explode Spot, the family dog, jumps on his lap as he sits on the couch. He figures it’s safe to let out alittle bit of the pressure and and if anyone notices they’ll think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The guy thinks to himself, “Thank God! They think the dog did it.” Seizing the opportunity, he lets out another fart and the woman, again, yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a few more farts when, finally, the woman yells loudly, “Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you!” "Insanity destroys reason, but not wit." - Nathaniel Emmons
"Been a bad (girl) since diapers and Gerbers; my first words were bleep bleep and curse curse" - Eminem E82EF8 |
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kimminentdanger
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Whew - I'm exhausted!!! I hope somebody's laughing right now!!!! "Insanity destroys reason, but not wit." - Nathaniel Emmons
"Been a bad (girl) since diapers and Gerbers; my first words were bleep bleep and curse curse" - Eminem E82EF8 |
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kimminentdanger
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ok - last one! (couldn't resist!!!) George W. Bush, distraught over his worsening approval rating, was jogging through Washington in search of inspiration. Taking a break upon reaching the Washington Monument, he looks up for guidance and says, “George, you were one of our greatest Presidents, what should I do?” Suddenly, a voice is heard from above. George Washington says to George W, “Abolish the I.R.S. and start over.” George W, amazed that he’s actually talking to a past President, continues his job and this time stops at the Jefferson Memorial. Uttering a similar question to Thomas Jefferson, America’s author of the Declaration of Independence and one of its great early philosophers, he asks “Thomas, you’ve never had these kinds of problems. What can I do to rally people behind me?” Again a voice from above answers, “Welfare is not working, abolish it and start over.” Upon hearing such great advice, George gets excited and plans on going to all the historical sites for guidance. Next stop is the Lincoln Memorial to see President Abraham Lincoln, who met his untimely death after winning the Civil War and keeping the country unified. “Abe, I need your help, people are losing confidence in me and they no longer trust me. What should I do?” After a substantial pause Abe replies, “Take the day off George. Go the the theatre.” "Insanity destroys reason, but not wit." - Nathaniel Emmons
"Been a bad (girl) since diapers and Gerbers; my first words were bleep bleep and curse curse" - Eminem E82EF8 |
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glory
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A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?' 'I'm out of gas,' the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. 'Try it now,' said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'? The bee answered, (I see you smiling) Post edited by: morningglory/oldglory, at: 05/08/2008 23:26 "We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is. |
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glory
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A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?' 'I'm out of gas,' the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. 'Try it now,' said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'? The bee answered,  Post edited by: morningglory/oldglory, at: 05/08/2008 23:36 "We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is. |
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glory
Posts: 3437
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[size=1][/size]  "We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is. |
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"MDJunction to me is a life saver... when i first was diagnosed with Scheuermann's Disease i wrote a message to a page i found on google, hoping that they could help me.... you'd never know it but that weird feeling (you know that one where it feels like someone actually cares) came over me when i opened my email next day to find that someone on the other side of the world (at the American Medical Library)had read my message while i was sleeping, and there low and behold was the address to MDJunction.... well it is everything to me, i live it breathe it and love it!!!!! I have found many people who are struggling with similar issues banding together to help each other. It is the best place in the world, and i couldn't think of another place to go to meet so many lovely people....
