JOKE OF THE DAY!!

lmao-i crack myself up. have never been able to tell a joke in person. i laugh too hard and say the punch line before the right spot in the joke. that was a short one, though, so i was able to get it down just for you, gloria.

Gloria this is such a fun thread, THANKS!!!

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky when his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in Heaven. They buried the chicken and that was that.Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up yelling,"Daddy,Daddy,we nearly lost mommy today". "what"? his father replied when I got home from school Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling,Jesus I'm coming,Jesus I'm coming if it wasn't for uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.

This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.

This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Hallway SEx

This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".

The 4th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.

Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular)

The 5th kind of Sex is called courtroom sex

This is when you cannot stand your wife anymore.She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

Mickey and Minnie Mouse were at court for divorce proceedings, The judge told Mickey,"Look here Mickey Mouse, I can't grant you a divorce from Minnie!"

Mickey mouse was stunned and asked,"Why Not???"

The judge said, I've reviewed all the information you gave to the court,but I can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy!"

Mickey Mouse says, "Your Honour! I didn't say she was CRAZY, I said she was f**ing Goofy!"

ORAL SEX.... That is when my wife and I just lay there and talk about it!

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning.

When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.

The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.

When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.

This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.

But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."