Bipolar Support Group

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a Business Trip, but learned from a friend he had ran off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."

(Are women good or what?)

Post edited by: morningglory/oldglory, at: 03/09/2008 03:43

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and

my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a

half years old and had just recovered from an accident in

which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift

and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living

room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was

playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a

little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups

tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came

home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch

me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest

thing!!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the

hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink

it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place

that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'

Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and he has aged so much that he didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor guy while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 40 or 42 suit as 50 or 52? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and chest?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused my computer's fonts to be smaller than they once were too!

'Louise,' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'

'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'

'He's an idiot,' John said. 'Piss on him.'

'You did', came the reply. 'And he fired you.'

'Well, screw him!' said John.

'I did. You're back to work on Monday.'

The first golfer hit his first tee shot. The ball sailed far to the right into a lake alongside the fairway. The golfer walked up to the lake and held his golf club horizontally over the water. Suddenly, the water parted revealing his ball on the lake bed. He jumped down to his ball and struck his second shot which landed right in the middle of the green.

The other golfers said "Hey Moses, nice shot!"

The second golfer hit his first shot in the same direction, but it went over the lake and landed on the adjacent fairway. The golfer walked up to the lake and walked on the water to cross the lake. He found his ball and struck his second shot which landed right in the middle of the green.

The other golfers said' "Hey Jesus, nice shot."

The last golfer hit his shot in the opposite direction into a tree. The ball hit a squirel in the tree and both the ball and the squirrel tumbled to the fairway below. The squirrel saw the golf ball and thought it was a big white nut. So, the squirrel picked up the ball and started to run off. An eagle flying overhead saw the squirrel and swooped upon it, picked the squirrel up with its talons, and flew away. This eagle flew right over the green when the frightened squirrel dropped the golf ball which bounced three times on the green and landed in the hole.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "That is why I hate playing golf with your Dad."