Bipolar Support Group

Recently Katy told me that nothing feels better to her then exploding in anger. She actually enjoys it and seeks out opportunities. Since she is normally irritated and angry - she finds plenty. She blames me and resents me for how she feels. Although, I honestly don't think I could possibly be that important. Keep in mind that she is currently not medicated. Her diagnosis is rapid cycling BP with psychosis. She also suffers from auditory hallucinations.

So my question is, does anyone else experience this anger/release/pleasure thing?

I know what Katy is going through because I'm also a rapid cycler who has had auditory hallucinations for the past 17 years.

As far as anger is concerned, there are times where I feel as if a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders whenever I become upset. It feels good being able to release the pent up energy I feel due to my anger and to place that anger on another person so they feel the same way I do. I know that isn't right, but it's the way I feel a majority of the time. The way I see it is if I have to suffer, then I'll make the next person suffer as well.

I'm trying to work on this in therapy so that I can approach situations in a calm, realistic way, but sometimes my rapid cycling tends to get the best of me.

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 02/20/2009 17:00

bejeweled,

I'm sorry for what you are struggling with. I used to explode in the way you explain; have these terribly agitated and angry episodes. What I wanted was to place the ugly feelings I was having inside outside of myself. It is common among people who experience mixed episodes to do this. I used to blame others and resent others for how I feel. We all have the tendency to attribute causes for our internal states to something in the environment. When I did it, it was because I wanted to look outside myself for causes of my internal states, when in reality it was my own brain (bipolar) causing my intensely agitated state. It’s called misattribution of the cause of an emotion. These kind of feelings are associated with a mixed episode. The anger-release-pleasure thing comes from when we try to put or place our really terrible feelings outside of ourselves into something or somebody else. We project those icky and unwanted feelings outside ourselves into something else, a person or even a pillow, door, or window. When we get angry or explode at others they have a tendency to take on those feeling, so we put our feelings inside of another person or thing, or we think it works that way depending on the damage done. The feeling that we have displaced or projected into others results in some relief. Just the mere emoting is cathartic enough and leads to release. Beyond that, it makes us feel in control when we feel out-of-control. It is an operation of expelling feelings that are unacceptable outside oneself. It could also be a form of displacement, in that the negative impulses are placed into a safer place, such as you, who might not respond negatively to her (which by the way would show a lot of self-restraint, as most people rise to the level of the acting out person). In either event, it is a way of feeling in control. This kind of agitation and anger is a form of psychosis. Atypical antipsychotics are really helpful in treating this. Geodon and Risperdal worked really well for me.

The way to respond to Katy is not to get angry or rise to her level, but stay calm and not take on her feelings. Validate her feelings by labeling them and telling her she is safe. It sounds like you are a very good mother and handle Katy well. My hat goes off to you being around an untreated person with rapid cycling bipolar disorder. It sounds like she has mixed states and they can be dangerous.

I know because I was like Katy. But I’m better now because I found the right medications and made major lifestyle changes.

uber

Bejeweled, when I get really really angry, I recognize this as the beginning of one of my manic episodes. With age and years and years of therapy, along with my 5 psych drugs, I have learned that when I feel the anger getting uncontrollable, I isolate myself. I have found that I really get no relief at all from displacing my anger. In isolation I can regain my composure and calm down. I used to let go with all the venom I could spew when I got angry. Cussing is another manifestation of mania for me. I cuss, lol, but not nearly to the extent that I do during a manic episode. But, in answer to your question, no, I derive no pleasure from exploding in anger. There is no satisfaction in those ugly feelings.

Thank you all so much! I really needed some insight. You all helped! Uber, that is so interesting about being a form of psychosis - I never thought of that way and it will help me deal with it a little better. I am no saint. I get so sick of it that I react. It makes it worse of course. Sometimes though I think she keeps going until I do react, like she is leaving me no choice. I don't know how to describe it, but when she is in a psychotic state - or I should say when I KNOW she is being psychotic when she believes I am trying to posion her food or planning to kill her in her sleep, I feel very sympathetic. It is much harder when she is screaming am me saying all kinds of nasty mean stuff.