MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
01/18/2009 08:17 AM

Mentally Ill Jokes

AmyBerry
AmyBerry  
Posts: 194
Member

I've learned that instead of crying about being mentally ill, I decided to laugh. It was either that or cry. We can't help who we are, and I for one love myself for who I am. With that being said, if you are offended by any jokes regarding mental illness, please don't scroll down, as it is NOT my intention to offend any one here. There are a few more jokes in the next thread down or two.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatric Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA

- Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY

- We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA

- I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC

- Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA

- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA

- Santa Claus is Coming

To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE

- Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

- On the First Day of Christmas

My True Love Gave to Me

(and then took it all away).

Reply

01/18/2009 08:21 AM
AmyBerry
AmyBerry  
Posts: 194
Member

Hello... Welcome to the

Psychiatric Hotline...

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you

want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice

will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you

press. No one will answer.

If you are anal-retentive, please hold.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.

Silly


01/18/2009 08:29 AM
AmyBerry
AmyBerry  
Posts: 194
Member

Fun Things to do at a

Therapist's Office

1.Ask to borrow a comb, comb your tongue.

2.Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.

3.Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.

4.Bring pots and pans. Bang them together when he asks a question you don't like.

5.After everything he says, say, "And how does that make you feel?"

6.Point at random things and say, "Where did you get that?"

7.Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.

8.Repeat over and over, "I'm not hanging out with a bad influence, I AM a bad influence!"

9.Sit underneath your chair.

10.Stand on your head.

11.Kill spiders on the wall with your fist. Eat what sticks to your hand and leave the rest sticking to the wall. Draw a circle around it to make sure everyone sees it.

12.Never stop smiling.

13.Scream every word.

14.Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling. When he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the chair. When he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the desk, etc...

15.Put your shoes on the wrong feet.

16.Try to seduce him with chocolate donuts.

17.Try to talk him into sitting on the floor.

18.Tell him Matlock is the key to all your problems.

19.Eat his books.

20.Talk to his leg.

21.Don't face him when he talks to you.

22.Talk really slowly.

23.Try to eat your hand.

24. If he offers you coffee, ask him to spill it on your lap.

25.Make sure you make butt-prints in his couch.

26.Pretend you hear music.

27.Tell him you think his secretary is really a man.

28.Pretend to drink.

29.Offer him an imaginary cookie.

Post edited by: AmyBerry, at: 01/18/2009 08:31


01/18/2009 08:56 AM
justashley

LOL! that was hilarious.

01/18/2009 09:56 AM
AmyBerry
AmyBerry  
Posts: 194
Member

I'm so glad you thought so - I was SO worried about them being considered offensive here. But hey, I thought they were funny and I have many of the MI's they joked about. Smile

01/18/2009 10:02 AM
Jazzmary
Jazzmary  
Posts: 1075
Senior Member

Ha i like the bp ones

01/18/2009 10:11 AM
AmyBerry
AmyBerry  
Posts: 194
Member

Manic's Prayer

Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details, beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 a.m. EST.

God, help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they are usually NOT my fault.

God, help me not to try to RUN everything, but if You need some help, please feel free to ASK ME! Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it EXACTLY RIGHT. God, help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties,& dancing.

God, give me patience, and I mean NOW! Lord, help me not be a perfectionist .(Did I write that correctly?) God, help me to finish everything that I sta. . . Amen


01/18/2009 10:51 AM
Defiantgroundhog
DefiantgroundhogPosts: 568
Member

More More!!! Those are great! Laughter is the best medicine and I think it's important that we laugh at ourselves. Personally it makes me feel more interesting vs. being weird.

If anyone else has some I'd love to hear them. I have none or I would share.


01/18/2009 10:53 AM
AmyBerry
AmyBerry  
Posts: 194
Member

If you request, I'm sure I can find some more. Smile

01/18/2009 11:06 AM
Defiantgroundhog
DefiantgroundhogPosts: 568
Member

cool
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved