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12/22/2008 07:15 PM

Can a BP person be successful?

pmb
Posts: 11
Member

I'm going to try a thought to you all. I hope to get some helpful feedback. I have strived to be a success in my career, family life, friendships, etc. However I have this feeling that I always fall short. My BP either puts me on a productive high that is an overachiever that far by passes my peers however I hit a massive low that knocks me totally out of whack and down hill I roll. In a manic state I overwhelm myself with college, work, kids school and extracurricular activies, etc. Then one day I wake and BOOM I'm flat on my ass and can barely make it through another day. After several days of excuses and hiding out I pull myself out and I'm in the zone of achievement yet again just awaiting my next fall. I've medicated forever and at my best combo of meds and I alway follow with my dr to ensure that I have the proper meds and doses. Sometimes I am just lost and never seems to feel like a normal person. I compare myself to everyone else who seems to have it together. I know that is not a correct perception however I just want a single moment in which I can feel free, free from this terrible illness. Why me? Why you? I feel lost and merely exist at most times. How do I bypass this mysery? Anyone? Can anyone relate at all??????
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12/22/2008 07:39 PM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Sounds like you are hard on yourself. You don't cut yourself any slack, do you, dear? Hard to reach that comfort zone in which you feel content. I don't know what normal is, having never been there that I know of. But, content is something I have had to teach myself.

I think content is as close as I am going to get to being stable. I hope you get there...it really is a nice place to be. I think I started getting there when I just accepted myself...all the warts, and imperfections..as well as the good things I can do...


12/23/2008 02:07 AM
MissMay1977

I agree with Norma. I became content when I accepted myself for who I am. I accepted the flaws and all. As far as success, that depends on what you determine is success. Is it a pretigious job or is it being an effective parent? How do you measure success? What does success mean to you?

I, like Norma, have no clue what normal is. I know that I am different. I have highs and lows. But I am working on managing them better.

wishing you the best.....


12/23/2008 12:37 PM
pmb
Posts: 11
Member

That is great advice and makes total sense. I suppose I have based my sucess rate on being able to do it all AND probably trying to achieve what others may expect of me. I'll do great for a few days then I skip out of work, hide out, won't answer the phone. I just completely isolate myself till I can get it together again. I am just so overwhelmed. My husband is in Iraq and I'm raising our 3 little girls alone. Between it all I never get anything accomplished. I've tried to find a way to minimize my activities and I can't cut out anything else from my schedule. I've been out of work for 2 weeks with a sick child and I am to return to work tomorrow. I just can't stand the thought of gracing the doorstep tomorrow. I have zero energy level and motivation. I know i'll pull myself out of this slump. I just don't know how. Thanks for listening

12/24/2008 02:29 AM
maMONa
maMONaPosts: 1168
Senior Member

pmb,

welcome.

I can relate to most of your experiences and you are definitely not alone. I felt such comfort when i found this site, MDJ.

I also am very ambitious and a high achiever when manic, where (as you can also read in my profile and diaries)nothing is impossible. I accept extra duties at work, offer my services, got my Master's degree, have 2 kiddos (one with autism), and even thought recently about going back for my doctorate in special education soon.

Then later during my down mode, i ignore people, won't answer phone calls,stay in my room in bed, and just feel numb.

This is the roller coaster ride of BP in my life. I'm really trying hard to see or notice when my down modes are coming on and ask my hubby to please urge me to do things to keep from sleeping. At the same time, i love my manic modes where i know i have accomplished some tasks in my life with no fear with those strerotyped "grandiose" tendencies that allow me to "go for it" in many of my experiences.

I have stopped wanting to be "normal" whatever that is. Who ever said the grass was greener on that side either?

As for your question, can one be successful, the answer is YES.

Of course u have probably read of famous people who have BP: Ben Stiller, Ernest Hemingway, Patty Duke, Britney Spears, etc.

I, for one, have been a teacher for 10 years. I was surprised to read that some Bp's find it very hard to hold down jobs or careers. I guess it just depends. I do wake up bitching about going to work, then reminding myself to try to remain calm throughout the day as opposed to lashing out like i have done in the past with colleagues.

i recommended in some post that maybe members could write/post THEIR OWN successes in life in a thread for a more positive outloook on BP. You know what? As a group leader in the Dual Diagnosis group, I'm gonna do just that!

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