Bipolar Support Group

I was dx'd with depression and OCD when I was 14. In 2005, my dx was changed to bipolar II. I live on the depressive side and have been suicidal MANY times.

I have three other kids who are grown and who can take care of themselves, but my son needs me. He will always need me. My truth is: my son keeps me alive. He gives me strength to go on no matter how awful I feel. HE is my reason for being here.

Deb

I met and married my husband at 21. He was a New Yorker. He uprooted himself to Arizona to be with me. We spent the next 15 years traveling back and forth to be with sick and dying friends. In all we lost 48 people with AIDS. I believed my truth/purpose was to help them and my husband (who also had AIDS) to live and to die with dignity. He died in may of 2002. I was sad, relived, and joyful because I thought I had served my purpose. I thought that God/life was going to let me be #50. I thought I got to be next. (I am not HIV+). I was devestated when this didn't happen. I was medicated during this whole time - misdiagnosed as situational/chronic deppression and PTSD because of all the death.

Life brought my best friend back in to my life. I happened to fall in love with her and she with me. We all attributed the mood swings to the grieving process of me losing my husband. But it continued on and on.

I started to look at what I could do to have a purpose. So I became a hospice volunteer. My mom has always told me that I touch people's lives. People have always told me I have touched their lives. I smile and say hello to people in elevators, in line at the grocery store - basically anyone who will give me eye contact. I genuinely care about people. So, I believe my truth/purple in my life is to be a spark of love. Either for one brief moment in an elevator, for a short time while sitting and chatting with or holding the hand of a dying person, or loving my family for as long as I can. Each spark can be short or long. This can only happen if I spark my own heart which has been the hardest thing to do. I am hoping through meds, therapy, and reading the posts of this board, I will re-ignite my inner spark so that I can make a difference in this world.

peace.

z.